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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be p@&ed off with my dh when I read this message to his mate

122 replies

Penny1976 · 28/09/2011 19:57

I never poke about in his emails but he sent this via facebook to a friend who is a shared friend who is expecting a baby and when the friend replied it came into our shared email folder as well as to his facebook and I read it to see if the baby had been born.

And there was his mate's reply to this little jem from my DH:

Hi how you doing im at home on my own chillin , XXX at the pictures andthe kids in bed.arrival.went out with D and C last night into xxx,mad night though i wasnt pissed ....sat at the table this young pissed girl, not that fit sat down and started moaning about her boyfriend in a party upstairs of the pub,cut along story short ,without any leading on said to me you have big balls come back to my hotel and let me see them,it ended up she wanted to take me daz and craig at the same time , then she left the pub at the end of the night, f&^%

I am really cross about it, he says nothing happened and I have no right to be.

Any thoughts guys? I am heavily pregnant myself so may be slightly over sensitive at the mo?

I have posted this under a new identity so no-one realises who I am by the way.

OP posts:

festi · 28/09/2011 23:39

yes kelly. it was the big balls thing I could imagine him being flatterd by.

kelly2000 · 28/09/2011 23:43

thought so. He is the type I imagine writing texts and thinking like that. Also having a friend called daz also makes me think someone is a bit like shameless - yes I realise that is snobby, and for all I know daz is on his way to the nobel prize for physics.

AnyFucker · 28/09/2011 23:46

it's craig that make my skin crawl, tbh

festi · 28/09/2011 23:49

re reafing your OP and sunsequant posts, what would worry me is that this was the high light of the night. and he felt compelled to report this back to an unrelated friend. If by chance craig or daz txt him... so u pulled etc, or what did you think of that girl?... it may warent a meesly Mhh... out of any guy I know not a full on txt reporting it as a significant event. that is what would make me re evaluate my Dhs intellegance, attitude to woman and respect for my self if uput of character I would address it. but Im pretty sure it is probably not out of character. but this is a difficult one to ask a broad cross section of woman about as you will have some who view it as normal talk others mortified and others scoffing.

I wouldnt accept it either way, in character or out of character I would wonder why he felt the need to socialise with gaz or craig or the mate he txt to be honest.

moondog · 28/09/2011 23:50

OMG
How utterly coarse and charmless.
Mind you, his near illiterate prose and turn of phrase would have me running for the hills even if it was a love letter to you.

Yuck.

festi · 28/09/2011 23:50

very well put kelly

planetpotty · 29/09/2011 08:43

WILSON was me who said that actually FFS! Dont like that you're twisting my words as if I said this does not matter at all....read my other post before jumping all over things, thank you :)

planetpotty · 29/09/2011 08:55

Wilson Slight overeaction there, appologies know you are just making your point, but just didn't like my words being used as if I was condoning his behaviour, as I dont. I just feel as OP is soon to give birth, this issue may be best talked about, resolved
and moved on from. I myself had issues around the time of giving birth with my DH and am so glad we did this and did not brood on it. :)

ShoutyHamster · 29/09/2011 08:57

He sounds a bit of a tit, doesn't he? As do 'Daz' and 'Craig'

Ask him to make his mind up - did she 'leave the pub at the end of the night' or did they 'leave the pub to get away from her'??

Sounds like pretty much bullshit though. I wouldn't be angry as in 'He's about to cheat' but completely hacked off as in 'My husband is a complete knob'

ShoutyHamster · 29/09/2011 09:00

Oh yes and men don't just speak to each other like that.

Only the leering, arseholey, 'haw-haw-haw come 'ere and sit daahn with us love' type - yes, they speak like that. That's why young girls in pubs generally go out of their way to avoid them. And probably feel sorry for the wives they go home to. You must know the type - you know the men who make your skin crawl when you see them in action? Them.

Allboxedin · 29/09/2011 09:08

Agree with moondog, he could do with some lessons in literacy. Its actually quite a confusing message until you take it all apart and stick in some simple spelling changes and punctuation. I agree he does seem a bit of a knob and I wouldn't be making excuses for my DH if I caught he saying stuff like that.

dreamingbohemian · 29/09/2011 09:24

like squeaky I have worked in bars for years and yes, I have seen very drunk women do things like this, so I would not assume he's making it up

(btw whenever I saw a woman get to this state I always tried to get her some water and a taxi home!)

I think it's the detail of his message that makes it crude, he could have just said 'Oh we were hassled a bit by this woman, she was so drunk she asked all of us back to her room'

Am a bit ewwww at a guy who needs to brag to other guys that a woman thought he had big balls (wtf?)

Am not a prude, just don't see why people think rude compliments from a drunk stranger is anything to be proud of

ThePosieParker · 29/09/2011 09:30

What's my DH doing getting pissed in a pub when I'm at home heavily pregnant?
What message is my DH sending out that girls approach him?
Why is engaging in a conversation with a girl about fucking anything?
Why is he wanting to let his friend know that he acts like this, as if it's acceptable?
Why was he disappointed she left?

bemybebe · 29/09/2011 09:33

What "Daz" and "Craig" got to do with all this SH ?? The message was not intended for a wider audience, I am sure if he was writing to post on MN he would be a bit more eloquent. The situation is very realistic, I have witnessed women behaving that way in the past (some here obviously did not attend any lowbrow office Christmas parties in early December ).
Why is it misogynistic? The girl by the sound of it was plastered, what is there to respect. Leave alone - for sure, but respect is due when it is earned. FFS Nobody would demand respect for a drunken idiot having a pass at a woman, would they? Not that as a wife I would be super excited by dh passing on the invite... or even mentioning this non-story.

weedoll · 29/09/2011 09:34

Bloody Facebook has a lot to answer for!! DS2 is 9 weeks old and my Dh discovered FB weeks b4 my due date one of the 1st things he did was to check out what looked like porn of some description he's Pretty comPuter illiterate so didn't realise I (and every1 else) wud c it. Then on the day I went into be induced I discovered him trying to download Kim kardashians sex tape! Seriously considered being a single parent family at that point!! Looking back and now that the hormones have settled I think I may have been over reacting. I felt really vulnerable towards the end of this pregnancy. Agree with previous posts that men are different out of women's earshot (or when they think they r out of eyeshot!) and this doesn't make them unfaithful or unpleasant people. Good luck with the baby xx

bemybebe · 29/09/2011 09:35

"f&^%" at the end of this message does not read 'disappointment', but a sigh of relief

bemybebe · 29/09/2011 09:40

"Am not a prude, just don't see why people think rude compliments from a drunk stranger is anything to be proud of"
Same here dreaming

bemybebe · 29/09/2011 09:52

"What message is my DH sending out that girls approach him?"

PP would you be happy with the following sentence?
"What message is my DW sending out that guys approach her?"

ThePosieParker · 29/09/2011 09:53

Yes.

ThePosieParker · 29/09/2011 09:54

It's about body language.....And I find a shrift 'I'm married or I'm not interested' usually sends the message, if missed, home.

teafanatic003 · 29/09/2011 09:55

I think perhaps if I were in your shoes would be you had to findv out via a message to someone else, If I had come across some hammered bloke acting wierd I'd have a laugh about it later on with my bf.

bemybebe · 29/09/2011 09:56

I did not realize that one can see somebodies "body language" from a c&p email to a friend

booyhoo · 29/09/2011 09:59

is itjust me that has read that as he didn't mention turning her down,just that the girl left without following through on her offer and that OP's DH was pissed off at that, noted by the swear word after he said she left?

bemybebe · 29/09/2011 10:01

somebodies =somebody's

Ephiny · 29/09/2011 10:02

Sounds a bit of an unlikely story, though you never know, I was an idiot when I was 19 and did all kinds of things I cringe to remember now. Sounds like nothing happened either way though.

But it does sound more like something written by a teenage boy than an adult married man! I've never looked at DPs emails to/from his male friends, imagine he probably talks to them a bit differently from the way he talks to me, which is fine. Would like to think he uses proper sentences though! And none of them are in the habit of going for 'mad nights' out fortunately.

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