to think IPOAT gels will never marry well if they continue to be so fast?

[CaptainHornblower]

But, ladies, ladies, i need your help. There is a mystery abounding in my Palace! fair maidens disappear on a regular basis! I would beg your help in solving this mystery, 'ere my brother,DonJulioYIglesiasY junior
will never marry!

DonDiego, your swarthy good looks and flourishing plantations will not tempt me unless you can hang around until I've seen off Colonel Peron!

No! No! I will not succumb!

I don't care what tu llamas!

Alas, you mistake me for my gauchos!

I come from an ancient line of Spanish aristocracy.....But yet, I can still outride and outfight my gauchos!

But what of the matrimonial prospects of Don Julio? Under the terms of our father's will, I cannot marry until he does, yet each time I introduce a young lady of impeccable birth to Julio, she disappears! What can this mean?

Fear not, Don Diego. Madame Hully is a marriage broker of many years experience, and our other mesdames are muy formidable, and will brook no young maiden of marriageable age disappearing in any funny business. We will come to your hacienda and oversee the nuptials of your delightful hermano.

Now, tell me more of your Father's will...

DonDiegoYDoritoYTinto, could it be that the maidens slept in this room?

Perhaps they are squished.

Ah, DonaUmamiPeron, under the terms of my father's will I cannot inherit the vast and lavish lands in Espana we hold. DonJulio will inherit the plantations here....but until he marries, I cannot take a bride nor lavish the jewels and honour I lyearn to possess for her glory...ahem.

Dona Fidera, clearly a woman of unusual perception!

Indeed, 'twas one of our father's "tasks" to select a senorina for dear Julio?

Think you there is something amiss in this arrangement?

But ladies, ladies, let me not fail in my hosting! my housekeeper Senora Danveros, will help you to your rooms before the ball commences!

Do you mean to say your esteemed Father exercised his droit du seigneur?

Dona Fidera sounds a good deal better than Mistress MarriedToBrotherDullardCreepy.
See what I tatted on the voyage.

No no, DonaUmami, simply in his will he specified some simple tasks for the maidens to perform in order to prove their worth...one of these indeed was to pass a night in the many mattressed chamber....

And what other tasks where required of the poor, victimised girls?

oh, you and your clever spanish thingys...

ALas, I am not a liberty to tell you because I have not thought of them yet at this moment, you must earn my trust!

(Lovely iPhone puts the tilde in for you)

Unless you were speaking of something other than my tilde....

Dona Umami

your tildes overcome my strict Hidaldo reserve!

Ah, let me stroke that aristocratic neck, smell the perfume of a lady of high degree, lose myself in the depths of your flashing black eyes!

Ahem, if I might just squeeze past, I am still looking for the inn

The footman has offered to help me unpack. I may sleep in tomorrow. Do tell Mistress Hully I shall miss morning lettuce and prayers.

Buenas noches Ladies

So I finally awake from my afternoon nap and haven't got a jeffing clue what's going on

Are we wed? Where is the lettuce? My head is all astir. I will sit and tat, I know not else to do.

I knew that this would be too much for my Johnny. I have waited up but he has headed off to meet up with an old friend who works at the cigar factory. I fear he will never return. How lucky that I have my dear friend Captain Morgan to console me!

Miss Cheerful, we are in Buenos Aires, muchos gauchos and spotty swirly flamenco dresses.

Mistress Hully was thwarted in her attempts to marry us gels off to Brother JeraOddGodName's brothers, the various Brothers DullardCreepy. You were dosed on laudanum for much of the voyage to help fend off the sea-sickness you ailed with.

Miss Sybil and I jumped overboard a lot to escape and Miss Honey hid in the crow's nest.

Fortunately Mistress Mimi announced a grand adventure in Buenos Aires where there will be revelry and exoticism. And balls.