to think IPOAT gels will never marry well if they continue to be so fast?

[CaptainHornblower]

Evening ladies.

I went away for a brief sojourn and clean lost this thread. Where are we now and who's buying the possets?

What ho Jins!

We are mostly intergalactic although I believe Miss Fids has retreated to the herb shed with Mistress Gibbon, to whom you may not have been introduced. She has been on the Grand Tour and is but lately returned to our shores.

I am in space trying to find a suitable planet for the Madame Race that I have invented.

Oh I know Mistress Gibbon of old. How lovely that she has returned.

A Madame Race sounds intriguing although I fear I shall have to cheat as I'm not really up for anything too physical.

No no, a new super race. Not a race race. tsk.

I hadn't realised you were acquainted. How delightful.

Oh that's fine then. I'll happily contribute to a Super Race although you may want to match me with someone with better genetic potential for decent innards.

How are the old innards Jins?
Hully you may wish to commission a special planet form Slartibartfast. you must consider the Madame's requirements. do they need an atmosphere, gravity, water etc. or are they beyond all that. Did you name them ( not all of them individually)?

They run entirely on Maiden Juice and their needs are few, apart from a regular supply of gorgeous pouting young men with stamina and joie de vivre.

My innards have decided that they wish to be a different shape mini. In fact they have decided that they would like a collection of bags to keep stuff in just in case.

I've just signed in on the scorpio thread huls

Louis Vuiton?

Balenciaga. Possibly Mulberry.

Vuiton's so Daniella Westbrook

No, I haven't been introduced to Mistress Gibbon (does duchess appropriate curtsey, just in case) How lovely to meet you ma'am. Ratafia?

The Captain is back and in good spirits. I shall ask him to bring a cask bottle of rum preserving spirit to the shed when he has recovered from our reunion. Give him a day or two, then he'll be along.

How goes the Madame race Hully? Might I suggest that a planet with natural springs of rum possets would be beneficial to their health and well-being?

Hello Jins me ol' mucker!

So lovely to see many new faces here!

We need a planet with many men, firm of buttock and keen of loin.

I have returned shameless and shall no longer be fanning myself prettily but instead be giving a wink and flash of thigh.....

Girth.

I love saying that word.

And gusset.

Girth is indeed a splendid word. I do hope Mistress Hully finds a planet of firm-buttocked, keen-loined men. The Under Gardeners are wilting already.

I must say, Gibbon, 'tis refreshing to abandon the fanning and flash a bit with, er, abandon so openly instead of hiding out in the distillery

Absolutely Fiderer! I vote we all live a little more daringly! though Hullster has be a wanton woman for many a year.

I have had my suspicions about Hully. Never quite believed her story in Buenos Aires. She claimed the elastic in her undergarments melted in the heat just as the Padre appeared.

I refer you to her statement:
"Well if I must. I shall take Padre Ardiente somewhere quiet and private that our fervour disturbs not the Argentinian afternoon. "

This is the research vessel StatisticalTruth calling the starship IPOAT.

Have heard you are looking for the planet of the firm buttocked men and thought you might be interested to know that we passed an asteroid a couple of light years back that was populated, almost entirely, with well hung androids with a passion for period dress.

Of course they are all a little tired right now .

Will send directions on request.

Where is this planet of which you bleep? Let us have the co-ordinates that we might ascertain the possibilities with a lengthy and thorough investigation.

The Madame Race are securely locked-down in suspended Madame Race Suspensionness, so we may test and trial without raising their hopes unduly.

(I hope you realise that's me making noises into the comms system and not, in fact, the noise of a subspace channel being opened)

I will have coordinates for you momentarily, I must first coax the satnav to an operational frenzy.

The satnav proclaims 'Three Rivers Court Rickmansworth, Hertfordshire, WD3 1FX'

What now might it say for itself? '25° 13′ 0″ N, 55° 10′ 0″ E'

I must confess our primary navigation unit was somewhat damaged in a freak fencing accident earlier this fine morning. It would seem that I need to get a man in.

And in all haste! For we shall soon be outside of communicator range.

Aman?

I shall defrost one of the Madame Race post haste. A quick blast of warm Maiden Juice sorts most things out. Sort of like WD40 with enzymes.

That asteroid sounds wonderful! Though I must say I am a little disappointed to hear the menfolk may be a little lethargic

However I am sure by the time we get there they will be well rested.

I need a husband.

Isn't entropy to do with disorder and lack of energy? Dimly recall Zamyatin's "We", all very Brave New World.

Be that as it may, entropygirl belies her name. A whole asteroid of exhausted men? With coordinates. Not much lacking in order and energy there.

So who can set up the worm-hole that we may travel twixt IPOAT and the Asteroid of Girth?

I tried but am not sure how stable it is. Would hate to be stuck here while you all investigate the firm-buttocked and I'm stuck here paying to get Watkins and Cook out of prison again.

I'll hang round here with you Fids

I'm exhausted. All the darkness and stars has given me a migraine and I just long to be back in the tatting shed. You can't tat properly with no gravity

Hailing the starship IPOAT!

Apologies for the delay IPOAT, it took an age to find a satnav repairman amongst all the worms.

Unfortunately once he finally came alongside he turned out to be rather young and innocent.

Needless to say we were rather too busy fixing him for him to fix the satnav. We will try again in the morning once he has straightened his attire.

StatisticalTruth out