to not want dh to give ex more money

[Bebo1980]

My dh has a daughter with an ex, they currently have an amicable relationship although it hasn't always been so. We have his daughter frequently, take her on family holidays, she has her own bedroom/clothes at our house etc etc. My dh used to give his ex money informally until several years ago she involved CSA and actually ended up receiving less money than she was originally. Since then my dh has been very conscientious in sending pay checks in voluntarily and making sure he is making the correct payments. What I am trying to say is that he wants to support his daughter and is in no way a 'deadbeat dad'.
When he dropped his daughter off yesterday his ex mentioned that she had started taking her to ballet classes and 'is he going to contribute to half?'. The money is not a massive amount (although I've recently gone back to work full time after having a baby and we are in no way loaded!). The problem is the principle. Is CSA meant to just cover basic living amounts or does it include extras?is she going to continue to ask for more contributions? In my view she took him to csa to ensure she received an adequate amount of money a month and now she wants more.Don't get me wrong I believe that she is entitled to the money she receives but how far should this go and is it worth rocking the boat by saying no?

do you have an exact amount that you spend on your children and stick to that and not spend a penny more no matter what they need or want

i doubt it so why should it be the case with his daughter. stop making it about the ex, he wants the best for his daughter is that so terrible

The problem is it is rude to ask someone to contribute to something in that way.

What would be the problem with treating a father like a parent instead of like a cashpoint?

I wouldn't dream of treating DH like that when we're together. Why would it be OK if we split up to act as though his only useful contribution was to throw money at me when I asked him for "contributions"?

Alot depends on how the Ex asked. If she said "I have enrolled her and you have to pay half" then yes, NU to be pissed off. If she said "DD is going to ballet and she really loves it .." blah blah bit of chat "well if you could contribute towards the cost it would help but if you cant then dont worry" then totally U to be pissed off.

It all depends on how it was done and as none of us (even the OP!) was there, you cant say whether she is being demanding or not. I still think he should pay as it is for the good of the DD but whether it is ok to be pissed off about what she asks all depends on how she asked.

Nowhere does the OP say that her DSD's mother was rude. Nor does she say that they feel that DSD's dad's only useful contribution was to throw money at the Ex when she asked. Indeed the OP says that her DP and his Ex have an amicable relationship. In such circumstances, it is not unreasonable to ask for a contribution, he doesn't have to give one, but she can ask.

I think asking other people for contributions to things you have already paid for is rude no matter how you go about putting your hand out for the money.

Well then that's your stuff and has little or nothing to do with the OP and her post. As I said before, that is a risk that is run when posting in AIBU and I am glad the OP has posted in Step Parenting Forum, where she has received more reasoned responses to do with her, her DP and her DSD.

It's not my stuff, it's basic manners.

No wonder NRPs get such a pain in the arse dealing with such grabby entitlement and basic disrespect.

I doubt many actual NRPs have actually been on this thead.