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AIBU?

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Original poster

to wonder if I have missed a new parenting rule........don't watch your small child

136 replies

Sevenfold · 27/09/2011 10:58

??
yesterday in the supermarket. small toddlers walking around, banging into trolleys and nearly getting hurt.... parent not looking.

driving, children crossing road with parent, parent marching across, whilst child dawdles way behind, parent not looking or holding very small child's hand(yes the green man was showing, but as we all know people do jump lights, especially push bikes)

been noticing this a lot of late, is it a new parenting thing?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/09/2011 21:32

That one always amazes me Oakmaiden. When we were on holiday the amount of toddlers being allowed to run in and out of the pool while the parents were sunbathing was pretty scary!! I did start to wonder if I was paranoid actually getting in the pool with DS!!

Pootles2010 · 28/09/2011 14:10

It does make you question yourself doesn't it Sirzy!

We used to go to a v nice (and expensive) health club/gym thing, pre kids when I still had some money. Used to drive me mad - all the yummies would arrive in their range rovers, leave the kids in the pool unattended, then swan off to their pilates classes. Cue their kids being nightmares, and lifeguards reluctant to tell parents off as they'd paid a hell of a lot for membership Hmm

Oblomov · 28/09/2011 15:16

Guilty as charged, on many of these 'crimes'.
Wondering how you all managed to be such 'ultimate parents', then ?
You helicopter your children ? never letting them more than 1 foot away from you ? but why would you need to do that? No need to helicopter 'angels'. They would never do anything naughty, right ? So no need to even make one threat, becasue you would carry it through, but there is no ned to make it , becasue they never do anything bad anyway.
Right ? Hmm

Pootles2010 · 28/09/2011 15:18

Surely the reason you need to keep an eye on them is that they do do naughty things?!

Oblomov · 28/09/2011 15:29

I think its all become a bit competitive.
"I walk holding ds's hand, always. I inter-act with my dd 24/7, and never leave her side whilst at the park, I never take my eyes off my kids. I have to make sure they are safe, cared for and stimulated 24/7. I am such a fab Mummy. My children are my earth."
Oh excuse me whilst I vomit.
I take my ds's to the park. And then I let them run off and play. Whilst I sit on the park bench, and have 5 minutes to myself, thnakyou very much. I watch them all the time. But I don't play with them. Have you all forgotten that children need to entertain themselves and don't need you permanently attached ?

Pootles2010 · 28/09/2011 15:35

Fair enough at the park, that's the point of a park! But to leave your kids totally unsupervised in a pool?

Ormirian · 28/09/2011 15:39

There is a middle ground between allowing your child to run about unrestrained on the fast lane of the M4, and treating them like precious breakables who can never be trusted to do anything without getting damaged. It is possible to keep an eye on a child without being 2 inches away from them the entire time.

I remember a man at a garden centre play area recently with 2 small girls - he followed them round everywhere as if he was glued to them, looking anxious and fraught. Eventually he had had enough and strapped the youngest into a pushchair and shouted at the older one to 'sit down on that chair and don't move!'. He caught my eye and said.'Hard work isn't it?'. I smiled back silently thinking, "It doesn't have to be!". Both the children were steady on their pins, not idiots and perfectly capable of keeping safe in a playground designed for children, as long as an adult was keeping a watchful eye.

NormanTebbit · 28/09/2011 15:50

My kids zoom about in scooters, are out of sight in the park, like swinging on tree branches, DD3 likes to stand up in the buggy...

I am careful of two things - roads and water. roads we stop and hold mummy's hand as we cross (just DD3) and in water I do not take my eyes off them as they cannot swim yet. Common sense.

The rest of it is just about them learning to assess risk.

My sister works in a nursery where they positively encourage children to climb trees, take physical risks - it teaches judgement and responsibility.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/09/2011 16:25

I worry when I see children who are either well ahead of, or well behind their parents on the pavement, because I think the parent would not be able to reach the child in time, in case of an emergency - if the child suddenly ran out onto the road, or if a cyclist came round the corner fast on the pavement, for example.

And leaving a toddler unsupervised, out of the depth in a swimming pool? That beggars belief, frankly.

HengshanRoad · 28/09/2011 17:43

Oblomov and Bootcamp - defensive much? If you were so confident in your parenting techniques, you wouldn't be acting so butt-hurt.

Oblomov · 28/09/2011 17:55

I'm with Norman Tebbit. What exactly are the supposed dangers thta you think these children are encountering ? And were they not there when you are I were kids ?
I forever had scraped knees from falling off me bike. I was whizzing down death slides , cahsing my 2 older brothers, at an early age.
I believe its good fro children to coem whizzing down a slide. fall off a climbing frame. skin their knees. have a bump. never did anyone any harm you know. My only concern in the opark is the swings, say my ds2(3) walking infont of them , and being hit by the swing. now thta could be nasty. everyhting else is part of play. I HATE to see parents hovering, with arms outstretched under the climbing frame. SO what if they fall !!!

We were on holiday and left ds1 and ds2 to splash around in the baby pool on their own. sometimes dh and i went in with them, sometimes we lay on the sunbeds, feet away from them , and just let them splash. I suspect that a kid can probably drown in as little as a few inches of water. But that doesn't stop me allowing them to play. We have a paddling pool in the garden in the summer aswell you know. And i don't watch them every second. I'm off getting ice-creams from the freezer !!!!
I think we have become a generation of OTT, health and safety bollocks. can't go on a school trip ... incase some one ..... oh for god's sake. people see danger everywhere , where often there is very little.

Oblomov · 28/09/2011 17:56

Butt-hurt Grin
Like it.

Oblomov · 28/09/2011 17:59

Hengshan, 'confident in my parenting techniques' ? errr no, I don't recall making that claim.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/09/2011 18:03

But Oblomov - letting your children run and play freely in a playground or park is very different to letting them run or play freely by a road (always supposing it's not a dead quiet road, of course)? And letting your children play in the toddler pool whilst you lie on the sunbed is very different to leaving your toddler out of the depth in the swimming pool with neither parent able to see what the child is doing (in the example quoted earlier), isn't it.

I don't know about other parents on this thread, but I am not talking about helicopter parenting (which I never did - I'm too bloody lazy to follow the children round making sure they are never more than a fingertip's width from me) - I'm talking about taking reasonable care in certain situations - as, for example, when a child is walking along the pavement and is either well behind or well ahead of their parent - too far for them to be grabbed back if they see something exciting over the other side of the road (best friend/puppy/kitten) and run out into the traffic, or if a cyclist (or toddler on a scooter) whizzes round the corner on the pavement and the child is right in their way.

Original poster
Sevenfold · 28/09/2011 18:06

omg are you supposed to play with your children at the parkShock
I thought that was where you sat and died of boredom, whilst they ran arround

OP posts:
Insomnia11 · 28/09/2011 18:15

I can't say as I see a lot of terrible parenting. I see maybe small parenting errors or mishaps but I tend to think maybe it's a one off and not representative of someone's whole parenting style?

People are different though. DD2 (2.5) climbs to the top of the climbing frame and up the biggest slide and has done for months and I know she's ok. Whereas I've seen parents of children a year or more older saying "No that's too big for you" to their kids. I am careful when crossing roads and in car parks but my two will walk down the pavement sensibly and not run into the road so I don't hold their hands every minute we are on the pavement.

Also in the supermarket, DD2 is too heavy and long for the trolley seat so has to walk around. She isn't running around all over the shop but sometimes she can get bumped by just walking nicely next to me or in front of the trolley, or going to get something for me as people don't see her. I do the weekly shop online though so we aren't in there for much.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 28/09/2011 18:19

I would love to be able to sit and ignore my DCs in the park Envy

DD, DS3 & possibly DS4 maybe. DSs 1 & 2 no way Shock

My DS1 who is now 17 used to walk off the slide rather than sliding down it. Parks were a horrible nightmare of chasing around and stopping him killing himself.

A huge strain for someone as lazy as me. Generally I like to point them at the swings and let them get on with it.

I stick to my strapping in to buggies thing though. I really have seen some very nasty accidents (as opposed to making a few up to strengthen my arguement).

DS1 had several harnesses restraints to keep him in place. With just the standard type he would wait till I was walking at pace and then throw himself forwards until his nose was touching the pavement. This was fairly alarming.

Original poster
Sevenfold · 28/09/2011 18:20

to be fair I always cheated with parks, I always took ds and a friend so they just played together, did n't go often as it would have been torture for dd.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 28/09/2011 18:23

SDT, I am guilty of thta aswell, the too far ahead on pavement thing. Oh so I think, by the looks other people give me. I have had people grab hold of my ds's, to protect them, and I never say anything, but inside I'm thinking, thank you but I actually thought they were not THAT far away.

Re the Park, SDT and Sevenfold, I was actually refering to Purplexedpirate's post@ 17.55 :

"I've just been to the hospital and then the park with DS. In both places I ended up surrounded by other people's kids in the play areas as I was the only one not glued to a phone/tv/gazing into space and actually interacting with my child.
It pissed me off tbh as I was trying to have some time with MY DS, I'm not a sodding free play-worker that happens to be on hand to entertain the children of all-comers."

I don't interact with my kids at the park. I sit down for a rest. Whilst they run off all their energy ( the energy that I have NONE of !!!)

butterflyexperience · 28/09/2011 18:26

Seems like I'm going doing well with this rule then!
So either parents ignore their children or helicopter them Hmm

So which is a lesser evil?
Please advise, thanks

Oblomov · 28/09/2011 18:27

I tipped ds2 out of the buggy once. Was so cross with ds1 at the park, put ds2 in, turned round to tell ds1 off AGAIN, and then charged off. Didn't realsie thta I hadn't actually strapped him. Was so ashamed. A&E. Dh was so mad with me.

Birdsgottafly · 28/09/2011 18:33

From the age of about 3 1/2 for my middle DD and slightly older for my other two, they didn't have to hold my hand, they knew road sense and were not implusive to the point that they would not risk assess.

They could walk infront of me, i didn't like them trailing behind, but they would do as they were told. I learnt to ignore other people early on.

All of our family tend to mature quickly and are very independant and sensible.

Mine were also confident climbers etc, whereas i had very nervy friends who, quite frankly, couldn't let go of their DC's because they had no sense what so ever, children vary immensely.

EsmeWeatherwax · 28/09/2011 18:35

Was reminded of this thread today when I was driving along behind two 4 or 5 year olds, riding scooters down the middle of the road in front of me, with mother futilely howling after them. She did have her dog on a leash though, so I suppose that's ok.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 28/09/2011 18:38

I have used an extending dog lead for one of my DCs.

Now that was fun. Fending off the looks of horror in a London Borough well known for its wishy washy liberal parental tendencies Grin

FlumpsRule · 28/09/2011 19:28

Butterfly helicopter has to be lesser evil - you can relax as they learn but it's not easy the other way round.

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