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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder if I have missed a new parenting rule........don't watch your small child

136 replies

Sevenfold · 27/09/2011 10:58

??
yesterday in the supermarket. small toddlers walking around, banging into trolleys and nearly getting hurt.... parent not looking.

driving, children crossing road with parent, parent marching across, whilst child dawdles way behind, parent not looking or holding very small child's hand(yes the green man was showing, but as we all know people do jump lights, especially push bikes)

been noticing this a lot of late, is it a new parenting thing?

OP posts:

worraliberty · 27/09/2011 12:25

Oh, kids are a walking the park compared to cats

Just give her, her own key and make sure her fish is lightly grilled on both sides when she demands it

CristinadellaPizza · 27/09/2011 12:25

I let my DS scoot on ahead. There are no driveways on that stretch of pavement and I know he will always wait for me - he's terrified of being run over and has not ever left the pavement.

I'm sorry if people find it alarming but he is perfectly safe, thank you. And the pavement is very quiet and he is under strict instructions to stop scooting if there is a pedestrian and wait for them to pass. Which he does.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 27/09/2011 12:27

I thought the new parenting rule was 'if you see someone attempting to teach their own child manners look at them as if they have just branded the child with a hot iron'

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 27/09/2011 12:28

Tell me about it. I found two teenagers a lot easier than the cat and the dog

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/09/2011 12:41

Bootcamp - when your little rogue gets to school, and you decide it is time to curb her freedom and make her behave, she will have had four and a half years of doing what she wants, and it will be hell on earth for you and for her teachers to get her to do as she's told.

And even though you may be utterly sure she is not going to do anything silly when you let her run ahead of you, are you equally sure that she is capable of looking out for cars reversing out of drives, or of noticing and getting out of the way of small children on scooters, or of noticing any other hazards - because she'll be too far away for you to grab her out of the way of danger. What if she spots something exciting on the other side of the road - like a puppy, for example - and just for a moment, forgets about not running out into the road. She could be under the wheels of a car before you'd have chance to grab her. Is it really worth taking that risk?

Not to mention the fact that your 'little rogue' may be other people's badly behaved brat.

tulipgrower · 27/09/2011 12:46

Guilty as charged. My 3.3yr DS1 races ahead on his pushbike (what is a bike without pedals called?) and I bring up the rear with DS2 in the pram. The push bike has a flag to make it more noticable, we live in a tiny, child friendly village and DS1 gives me a lecture if I wander onto the road or I don't stop due to a moving car (even if it is behind us, and driving away from us).

In the supermarket he happily dashes around the supermarket looking for the items I've requested. I've not had any complaints so far, he's being helpful, doesn't have time for mischief and it makes him easy to shop with.

But it's not a new thing, we did it as kids too.

IrmaLittleteapot · 27/09/2011 12:47

I thought the new parenting rule was 'if you see someone attempting to teach their own child manners look at them as if they have just branded the child with a hot iron' oh how true! I only get the looks and tuts when I'm taking evasive action that invariably causes DS to tantrum/cry/sulk/look a bit funny slung over my shoulder being hurried away from the scene or wear reins.

LeCielEstBleu · 27/09/2011 12:53

Agree with worra and MrsDeVere. Suppose that makes me appear as a grumpy old bag (42 and 3 DC's) to some. Good behaviour,manners and knowing that there are "rules" start at home, not just when a child starts school. Often see that this is lacking in the classroom.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 27/09/2011 12:57

But look out for the catsbum mouths when the DM prints yet another article about reception children being unable to concentrate or follow rules.

Its is always assumed they come from lower working class families.

nethunsreject · 27/09/2011 13:00

Aye, of course I do actually agree that there do seem to be more poorly behaved kids. Whether there actually are or not, I have no idea. As a kid, we were rarely in adult company, so perhaps our behaviour was less scrutinised? I don't know -just speculating. I also agree that poorly behaved people come from all backgrounds.

choceyes · 27/09/2011 13:06

I am sometimes guilty of this. My nearly 3yr old won't let me hold his hand, although if we are at a busy crossing then I always hold his hand, even if he is squirming. But he is usually walking a few feet behind me. He is SUCH a slow walker, everything distracts him. I physically cannot walk that slow! I end up walking backwards so I always have an eye on him.

I was going to get him a scooter to make him go places faster, but having read this thread I think I'll stick to the park when he is using the scooter.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 27/09/2011 13:13

I think some parents assume that just because their small child has never run/scooted out or fallen into the road, that they never will. That they "know their child".

Well obviously there are some children who seem less inclined to bursts of nuttiness than others, but ime all children can be unpredictable.

Their brains have nothing like the capacity to make judgements wrt traffic, say, than an adult or an older child. I don't think people realise that, which confuses me because it's not a difficult concept to grasp.

So yup, small children riding wheeled things by roads scare me.

Ben10Hater · 27/09/2011 13:20

I will hold my DS's hand whilst crossing the road, sometimes if it is a small/quiet road I will let him cross without hand holding (obviously once we have both stopped at the curb and checked it is safe) We sometimes play the 'road leader' game where he will be 'in charge' of getting us across safely i.e. stopping us a certain distance from the road, checking for cars and saying when it it safe to cross. He has a scooter but i hate the thing so he doesnt use it while out unless we are on the way to the park, and horribly embarrassing mother that i am will try and keep him at roughly the same pace as me or will only let him go so far ahead before telling him to stop and wait for me!
Would NEVER ever let my DS son loose in the supermarket, he would drive me mad let alone others!! Bloody MIL has let him do it on occasion which resulted in me being mean mummy because 'nanny lets me do it' the next time we had shopping to do!
I try very hard to keep my DS under control whilst out and about and at times do struggle with this, if i threaten him with something i will more often than not follow it through, I hate having to shout while i'm out as i don't like the looks i get but sometimes it is necessary.
Everyone is different and all parents have different priorities of which values or behaviours etc they feel are most important to teach and instill in their child.

AngryFeet · 27/09/2011 13:22

I am always very nervous of kids by roads. To me until they are about 6 or 7 they are not able to be entirely trusted to look after themselves. I never let them ride scooters on the pavements and they have both been taught to check before crossing driveways. DD is 7 so I trust her to stop at the kerbline when she walks ahead of me but DS at 4.5 is still not there yet. I am not a helicopter mum but I am very cautious about this and young kids do not know road safety yet.

TandB · 27/09/2011 13:42

[signs up for Worra and Chaotic's School of Parenting]

I personally think that the battles over basic things like hand-holding are worth fighting as they have a knock-on effect on other things. DS used to throw tantrums over being made to hold my hand. He also used to refuse to stand by the car in the car park while I got the door open, or be carried up stairs when I was in a hurry. I fought and won the hand holding battle by dint of refusing to let go no matter what he did or how much he screamed. The other issues disappeared as well, I suppose because he figured when I said he had to do something because it was safe, I wasn't messing about.

He is showing no signs of being a poor, beaten-down, broke_spirited child so far.....

omnishambles · 27/09/2011 13:48

I dont have a scooter for dd but wanted to jump in and say that sometimes people cant win - you get snidey comments for your 3/4 year old being in a buggy on a 30min brisk walk so you get a scooter instead and then you're vilified for that as well.

CristinadellaPizza · 27/09/2011 13:49

Oh just to say that I never let DS walk on his own when he was younger - he was on a wrist strap as a toddler and I have had screaming tantrums in the supermarket when he ran off. I still don't let him wander around in the supermarket even though he's nearly 5. And I always hold his hand crossing the road - he is not of an age where he is able to judge a car's speed.

Jenai - I am fairly certain he wouldn't run out into the road at this moment because he's so scared of cars and there is an unbroken line of parked cars along the pavement so there's no way he would fall into the road. That may change as he gets more cocky and I certainly don't let him go on ahead when there are other children around and there is any possibility of showing off (which is when most stupid stuff happens as far as I can see).

I am however talking about a very, very quiet residential street where around one car drives past an hour - I don't let him ride his scooter on the high street or anywhere where there's lots of traffic.

Bootcamp · 27/09/2011 14:04

sdt As I said if you read my replies, I am a mum of three ao tried and tested. I have not had hell on earth with moy others, they are mostly well behaved. I also said I am my 2 year olds shadow, right by her. Please read properly. Ans she doesn't always do want she wants, there are lots of things she is notallowed to do.

Bootcamp · 27/09/2011 14:06

ps you are very rude, prehaps peoplethink your child is a brat.hmmm

Bootcamp · 27/09/2011 14:07

I'm off, imaging calling a 2 year old a brat, sas more aboutyou than them.

aStarInStrangeways · 27/09/2011 14:20

All threads like this do is make people like me even more paranoid every time we're out. I spend the entire time in the supermarket barking instructions at my child like some demented sheepdog trials contestant, because I am constantly wondering who is looking on and judging me. My son is 3, he is really pretty good but like all 3yos he gets carried away and forgetful. He does not walk at my side like a robot. He's too big to go in the trolley (heaven forbid, since this is also a judging offence) and actually now also too big for me to pick up. There are sometimes tantrums, there is sometimes shouting and there are sometimes pleasant scenes when he runs ahead to find things I've asked for. He's learning how to navigate a supermarket shop, and I try and help him do this with the minimum of stress to us both as well as to others.

But y'know, in case you're ever in my local Morrisons, I'M SORRY for my utter failure as a parent.

Ormirian · 27/09/2011 14:24

Re green man, how young is 'young child'

FlumpsRule · 27/09/2011 14:26

YANBU - agree with Worra.
Thread is not about allowing/ not allowing dcs to do stuff but not watching them. Scooters are great but not when mums are nattering at side of road NOT WATCHING tiny tots about to scoot onto road between parked cars.

House opposite me has lovely tiered front garden with no fence. Mums natter on corner and allow dcs to climb all over garden & roll down slope. I am often tempted to get hose out . It's not dangerous but bloody bad mannered imo

BettyCash · 27/09/2011 16:57

Flumps that's another issue entirely. No fence? On the front garden? Asking for it.

Original poster

Sevenfold · 27/09/2011 17:12

the children I was talking about in the op(wow that wrong was?) were either toddlers or under school age, so they were not at fault, the parents were.

OP posts:

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