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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think 'no kids please' on a wedding invite is non-negotiable?

111 replies

madmomma · 26/09/2011 19:57

Getting married (v small, cheap, low key wedding - only 30 of us in total) in a couple of weeks. Literally just signing the reg then having drinks and sandwiches in our local. Sent the invites out weeks ago, specifying very clearly no kids. Even our own baby son won't be there, because we want to relax. My mum will be looking after him at home, and none of my dp's family are coming either. (No bad feelings - just that it's a non-event as we've been living together, have kids & just want to formalise things.) All good until one of dp's friends starts moaning to us about not being able to find babysitting for his middle child. And asking would it be ok if we brought him? Dp defers to me and I say no, sorry. The thing is, all our friends have little children and they will be going to the trouble of finding childcare. He's mentioned it a couple of times since, which I find incredibly rude. It's not like the child is a breastfed baby or anything: he's 3. As it is we have already changed the date of the wedding to accomodate this man's work schedule! I have loads of reasons for not wanting kids there, but surely it's rude and unreasonable to put us in a position where we have to justify ourselves?

OP posts:

carabos · 26/09/2011 20:00

Not this again! No kids means no kids.
HTH

Oakmaiden · 26/09/2011 20:01

Send him the number of a babysitting agency.

scottishmummy · 26/09/2011 20:01

you can set any criteria for guests,its your wedding
do expect some folks to not like,or maybe not attend
it sounds a lovely personal affair btw

wantadvice · 26/09/2011 20:03

How sad your son and mother wont be there. Sort of defeats teh purpose of it imo excluding those closest to you but each to their own.

exoticfruits · 26/09/2011 20:03

It seems an odd wedding without the people closest to you, i.e. your parents and DC, being there-however having decided that I would stick to it. Explain that it isn't a normal wedding and you haven't got the normal guests. It is an adult only party.

Iggly · 26/09/2011 20:03

Well YANBU but you're not having your own son there? Sorry I find that a bit sad. I'd miss DS if it were me as I see weddings as family occasions.

Original poster

madmomma · 26/09/2011 20:04

Thanks scottishmummy. It's personal cos we're broke!

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 26/09/2011 20:04

So your mums not coming to your wedding?

Iggly · 26/09/2011 20:04

Missed the bit about the parents/family not being there

scottishmummy · 26/09/2011 20:05

its not odd at all,if those 30 people are significant then its a small nice do

Andrewofgg · 26/09/2011 20:05

YANBU and stick to it.

wantadvice · 26/09/2011 20:06

Can't be really that personal and significant others if your own mother and son arent invited but well, it's up to you.

BluddyMoFo · 26/09/2011 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 26/09/2011 20:06

Its your wedding so its up to you who is there.

Like others I do find it a bit odd your own families, especially DS not being there. If I ever get married DS would be the one person who I would want there more than anyone else!

usualsuspect · 26/09/2011 20:07

I think its odd to invite friends and not your own parents

but each to their own

ChippingIn · 26/09/2011 20:07

If it's drinks & sandwiches in your local I don't really see what the problem is with them bringing their 3 year old - or anyone bringing any kids really, as anyone else going to the pub could do, but then I don't see kids as a 'problem' or 'hassle' and don't really 'get' child free weddings.

Anyway, as it's something you do have an issue with and you aren't allowing any of your friends to bring their children, I think it would be a bit off to 'allow' this child to come. As the others have said - tell them to use a sitting agency or take it in turns to be there... or whatever, but the answer is NO, your child is not welcome.

Hassled · 26/09/2011 20:08

It does seem a bit bizarre to me that you have friends there but not your mother - I mean fair enough that she's doing you a favour, but to not see her DD get married so you can relax - that seems harsh. Can you not get another babysitter?

But re the kids/babies thing - no, you're fair enough - ignore the wingeing friend.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/09/2011 20:08

Agree with the others. Put what you like on the invitation, up to you who you invite etc. If they can't arrange it then they can't come. But if there was anyone in the whole world who I would want at my wedding more than anyone else it'd be my parents and my child. Everyone else is secondary.

slavetofilofax · 26/09/2011 20:09

Sunds odd to me too, but none of my business

I think it's ok to ask when it comes to a newborn baby or a bf baby, but not when the child in question is three.

Just say no and stick to it, but if it means that this guy can't come, then you have to accept that graciously. You certainly can't allow it when other guests have had to find child care, so he will just have to deal with it.

YellowDave · 26/09/2011 20:09

Everyone going on about her mum and ds not being invited are derailing the thread - thats not the point is it?

OP YANBU. I'd say to him 'look mate even our own son isn't coming because its an adult only party that we want to celebrate our wedding. Hopefully you can find some childcare but if not we understand totally if you can't make it'

wantadvice · 26/09/2011 20:10

It's a discussion forum. Most threads dont stick rigidly to one point.

exoticfruits · 26/09/2011 20:11

I don't see that it matters if friends miss it-if really important people are not invited. Say no DCs means no DCs.

halcyondays · 26/09/2011 20:12

Up to you about the no kids rule as it's your do and I wouldn't have changed the date to suit this man, but I find it really strange that your mum and son won't be there.

Original poster

madmomma · 26/09/2011 20:12

Hey cheers for calling, my wedding & circumstances odd. It'd bore everyone to tears if I explained, so I'll not. Each to their own eh? Thanks for the feedback.

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 26/09/2011 20:13

Your own mum and son won't be there, or your partner's family? And you have re-arranged to accommodate a friend's schedule?

He must be a very special friend to come so far ahead of your own child and parent.

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