to think 'no kids please' on a wedding invite is non-negotiable?

[madmomma]

Getting married (v small, cheap, low key wedding - only 30 of us in total) in a couple of weeks. Literally just signing the reg then having drinks and sandwiches in our local. Sent the invites out weeks ago, specifying very clearly no kids. Even our own baby son won't be there, because we want to relax. My mum will be looking after him at home, and none of my dp's family are coming either. (No bad feelings - just that it's a non-event as we've been living together, have kids & just want to formalise things.) All good until one of dp's friends starts moaning to us about not being able to find babysitting for his middle child. And asking would it be ok if we brought him? Dp defers to me and I say no, sorry. The thing is, all our friends have little children and they will be going to the trouble of finding childcare. He's mentioned it a couple of times since, which I find incredibly rude. It's not like the child is a breastfed baby or anything: he's 3. As it is we have already changed the date of the wedding to accomodate this man's work schedule! I have loads of reasons for not wanting kids there, but surely it's rude and unreasonable to put us in a position where we have to justify ourselves?

How is it derailing the thread when it was information given in the OP? You don't get to say "please tell me what you think of this but ignore the first three lines of my OP".

have a lovely wedding,30 is nice means you will know all guest and be able to circulate and chat easily

It's up to you really - your choice to say 'no kids' if that's your preference, it's your party after all, their choice to decline the invitation if they can't or don't want to come without their children. It's a bit rude of your friend to keep pestering about it - I would think your other friends would be a bit annoyed if you make an exception for one person, after they've gone to the trouble/expense of arranging childcare themselves.

It seems a little unusual not to have your mum at your wedding, but if she and you are OK with that, then it's not anyone else's business, there are no rules about how a wedding has to be.

Well it was in the OP re her son so why not comment?

Actually OP it would be interesting to know why you've gone down that road as genuinely confused. Does this annoying guest know your DS won't be there? Maybe that's why he's trying it on.

If it's a total non-event, why bother inviting friend's and celebrating in the pub afterwards?

If he can find someone to babysit his other children, but not the middle child, perhaps the middle child is somewhat challenging.

Sounds like a FAB time! Enjoy it. Stand your ground, keep saying no, if he can't make it, that's life.

Undoubtedly there are perfectly good reasons why OP's mum isnt coming to the wedding. That isnt the point. The point is that the wedding is 'no children'. That is being applied to everyone equally.

OP YANBU, stick to your guns and keep repeating 'no children'. Dont apologise, dont explain. Your wedding, your rules.

Dont give way otherwise you will cause bad feeling with other guests who were able to organise themselves.

See, responses like this are why people elope. You're brassic, you want to be married, go for it how you see fit.

Do what you like and if it's no, it's no. As long as you accept that they may not come and that's ok with you. You'll just have to say that you've said no children due to and if you make an exception for them, then you can't very well continue to say no to others and that will

My Mum doesn't like weddings and is extremely unsentimental. She is a very unusual woman but we have a close happy relationship, thanks. She is taking my baby son to legoland for the day instead, as they will both have a better time there. In the context of our relationship this makes perfect sense. For most other mother-daughter relationships I'm sure it would be otherwise, but hey my Mum and I have nothing to do with 'most mums' .

My dp's parents are in Pakistan, and will be coming to a muslim blessing afterwards instead, as this is what they'd prefer.

Some of our friends are coming because they desperately wanted to, and we were ok with that.

It's not a pub afterwards, it's a little private club, and as we have 30 nieces & nephews between us,not to mention friends with 4 kids each, we decided on no kids. I also fancied a bit of peace and quiet, and didn't want the extra stress and expense of catering for little people as I am heavily pregnant.

Me too LeQueen.

enjoy and best wishes with pg
what matters is it that youre happy with arrangements

Stick to your guns, he's rude to keep asking.

Yanbu...... No kids means no kids

Excellent. This, parking bays - I predict a smoking thread before the night's out.

OP - your wedding, your rules. That's the end of it.

YANBU, it wouldn't be fair to the other friends who've had to arrange childcare to let one guest bring their child. It has to be the same rules for everyone.

I think you have to stick to the 'no kids' rule, or you will piss off all those people who did sort out childcare.

I hope you have a lovely day. Many congratulations on both the wedding and the new baby

YANBU There's nothing wrong with child free weddings.

Your reasons, wrt to your family, also make perfect sense to me. Glad you included them cos I admit I was nosey curious :)

Congratulations! Have a brilliant day. I'm sure that if your friend really wants to come he will be able to arrange childcare..if not, he will be able to see you after the wedding.

It's your day...enjoy it.

YANBU - Congratulations and Good luck!

Well it is, and it isnt!

We didnt have baby sitters so never went to child excluded functions. Wouldnt have occured to me to ask. I cant stand other peoples kids so I dont see why other people should like mine!

Have a lovely day :-D

I've been before on here about people's absolute insistence that if your parents aren't invited to your wedding there must be something terribly wrong/you get along badly/they'll be secretly hurt and offended at not being there. NOT EVERYONE IS LIKE THIS! Weddings are not the pinnacle of life's celebrations for many people.

My Mum doesn't like weddings and is extremely unsentimental. She is a very unusual woman but we have a close happy relationship, thanks.

The perfect, reasonable explanation, though it's a shame you had to justify yourself to all the jaw-droppers on here, OP. My mum would be entirely the same if I ever got married (won't though!).

Have a fab day, and I too am not sure why your middle DC can't go with whoever is looking after elder and/or younger DC?