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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...is the following a teensy bit rude and/or weird?

143 replies

LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 14:30

We have just come back from a weekend away for a friend's birthday. The invitation asked for us to pay for our accommodation (fair enough), but expressly said that the couple would be providing all the food and alcohol. All very generous and kind.

The event was for two nights, but we could only attend the second night (although to be fair we were only able to give late notice of that (I was ill) so they might have bought food in advance of knowing). We called before driving down on the Saturday and asked if they needed anything. They asked us to bring some red wine as they were running low. Again, completely ok. We took four bottles and a case of beer as well.

I am pregnant so didn't actually drink any of the alcohol, other than a tiny, tiny glass of wine. Neither did I actually eat any of the food on the night, as I wasn't feeling well, although I appreciate they wouldn't have known this in advance so would counted me amongst the number to cater for. The only food I ate, in fact, was a bacon sandwich, and the only thing I drank was the above mentioned tiny, tiny glass of wine (out of the wine we had brought) and some squash, which we had brought. DH, to be fair, ate and drank normally.

Upon returning to the office this morning, I found an email from the friend asking for a £10 contribution from each attendee (per head) for food and drink.

I wouldn't mind quite so much, but we have already spent, I would estimate, something in the region of £1,500 (at least, could be up to £2,500 I suspect) this year attending the couple's wedding and respective hen and stag dos... The friend also spent quite a lot of the weekend telling my DH how much money they are saving at the moment (some tens of thousands went in the bank last year, apparently). This causes the above to rankle somewhat more, especially as we are worrying a bit over finances once I start maternity leave.

We can afford the £20, so it's not as if it's taking the bread from the mouths of our poor wee bairns or anything, but I do feel a tiny bit disgruntled. We'll pay it, of course, but just wondered if the above is a bit... "off" or am I a hormonal, unreasonable Cah?

OP posts:
Sidge · 26/09/2011 20:03

piglet she had quite a few being a millionaire's daughter Wink

I always found it bizarre how tight she was given her family's wealth. And how she had no shame breezily saying goodbye and then "oh you can give me five pounds towards the plonk when I see you next time". This was in 1989 so a fiver was a fair bit!

(She was my boyfriend's elder sister - we only went to hers that once as he was so embarrassed by her!)

DandyLioness · 26/09/2011 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YellowDave · 26/09/2011 20:04

cross posted TheGrassIsJewelled - great minds Smile

pigletmania · 26/09/2011 20:04

No don't wimp, they had the gall to send you that e mail, they should be prepared for the consequences of such dreadful behaviour.

pigletmania · 26/09/2011 20:05

Oh sidge its always the rich ones it seems.

pigletmania · 26/09/2011 20:06

I would not pay on principle.

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly · 26/09/2011 20:11

Wow -a birthday party they invited you to, which cost you £80 plus accommodation Shock Shock

I'm lucky to get a shandy out of my friends for my birthday Grin

You can't pay, we'll never forgive you!

trixymalixy · 26/09/2011 20:20

Oh my god, that is so rude, I'm totally cringing for them!!

AuntieMaggie · 26/09/2011 22:01

loving some of the ideas on here - please let us know what happens!

wildhairrunning · 26/09/2011 22:53

Please do a reply all!

Please report it here!

And their reply!

Yanbu at all!

ChuffMuffin · 26/09/2011 23:10

Oh my god

Tell them to stick their bacon sandwiches up their arse. Cheeky bastards.

Who throws a party then charges their guests?!

maighdlin · 26/09/2011 23:22

regardless of what you did or didn't eat or drink asking for money afterwards is just rude! you don't invite people round for dinner then after you feed them show them a receipt and ask for their share! Im outraged and disgusted on your behalf.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 26/09/2011 23:31

Good lord how rude! If you bought 4 bottles of wine that's gonna be at least 20 quid even if it's cheap shit! I would send an email saying...

Thanks for reminding me I'd been meaning to settle up. The wine we bought came to £20.64 so lets just say you owe me a tenner? You can give me it when I next see you there's no rush Grin

ViviPru · 26/09/2011 23:49

OP I'm really curious as to how the request-for-contributions email was worded.

Was there any sort of attempt at context/justification/sugarcoating or simply a straightforward demand?

mumsamilitant · 26/09/2011 23:50

Outrageous behavour OP.

I'm of the "I invite, I pay" brigade.

Having a 50th soon and would die [figure of speech] rather than let anyone pay for a thing. Its my party, I want you there so I pay and glad to do so. Free bar, free accommodation the lot. Why should you pay when you are a guest?

lisad123 · 27/09/2011 00:04

how rude and very cheeky!

makachu · 27/09/2011 00:45

Reply all! Bill them! YANBU!

unpa1dcar3r · 27/09/2011 07:26

Oh my goodness.
Charging people to come to your birthday celebrations?

That is soooo tacky and crass.

I'm a working class gel from East End of London, brought up to be careful with money etc but i would never ever dream of charging my friends to help me celebrate my birthday- or any other event for that matter.
And to charge you when you didn't even have anything...well, beggars belief.

Some people have no class.

SharrieTBGinzatome · 27/09/2011 07:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Meteorite · 27/09/2011 08:02

"I'm of the "I invite, I pay" brigade."

Same here. I have been to lots of occasions where others have kindly provided for me, and it would be crass to get them to pay when I invite them!

MurunBuchstansangur · 27/09/2011 08:26

I have no problem contributing to a party if asked to in advance, usually by getting asked to bring a specific bottle of spirits or something. This was common when I was younger and we were all poorer.

Since your hosts specifically said that they would cover the food and drink, then what they have done is incredibly rude. You don't try to claw money back from your friends.

I would still pay, as for £20 I'd want to be firmly on the moral highground. But they wouldn't get any more invitations from me.

pigletmania · 27/09/2011 09:29

Please op do not pay most of us are Shock at that behaviour, they have to know that you just don't do things like that. I agree with a pater who said that as you've bought them a case of wine at around £20 to consider payment towards it, and don't accept any more invites from them or invite them back. Please keep us updated

pigletmania · 27/09/2011 09:32

They are not poor, as op has said they put lots of money away each year so the tight wads can afford it

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 27/09/2011 09:43

What boggles my mind is how some people have the gall to expect others to cough up so much for their parties!

Faffalina · 27/09/2011 09:46

I would send the money with a note saying: "Most expensive bacon sarnie I have ever eaten."

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