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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...is the following a teensy bit rude and/or weird?

143 replies

LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 14:30

We have just come back from a weekend away for a friend's birthday. The invitation asked for us to pay for our accommodation (fair enough), but expressly said that the couple would be providing all the food and alcohol. All very generous and kind.

The event was for two nights, but we could only attend the second night (although to be fair we were only able to give late notice of that (I was ill) so they might have bought food in advance of knowing). We called before driving down on the Saturday and asked if they needed anything. They asked us to bring some red wine as they were running low. Again, completely ok. We took four bottles and a case of beer as well.

I am pregnant so didn't actually drink any of the alcohol, other than a tiny, tiny glass of wine. Neither did I actually eat any of the food on the night, as I wasn't feeling well, although I appreciate they wouldn't have known this in advance so would counted me amongst the number to cater for. The only food I ate, in fact, was a bacon sandwich, and the only thing I drank was the above mentioned tiny, tiny glass of wine (out of the wine we had brought) and some squash, which we had brought. DH, to be fair, ate and drank normally.

Upon returning to the office this morning, I found an email from the friend asking for a £10 contribution from each attendee (per head) for food and drink.

I wouldn't mind quite so much, but we have already spent, I would estimate, something in the region of £1,500 (at least, could be up to £2,500 I suspect) this year attending the couple's wedding and respective hen and stag dos... The friend also spent quite a lot of the weekend telling my DH how much money they are saving at the moment (some tens of thousands went in the bank last year, apparently). This causes the above to rankle somewhat more, especially as we are worrying a bit over finances once I start maternity leave.

We can afford the £20, so it's not as if it's taking the bread from the mouths of our poor wee bairns or anything, but I do feel a tiny bit disgruntled. We'll pay it, of course, but just wondered if the above is a bit... "off" or am I a hormonal, unreasonable Cah?

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 26/09/2011 18:43

It's rude - YANBU.

I would ignore it, if they have the guts to ask again I'd just say sorry, I assumed we'd got it in error as we brought the wine & beer you asked us to bring for you and IF she says anything after that, I would say 'well actually, I think it's pretty rude asking for money after you had said you would be providing the food & drink'.

HeadfirstForHalloween · 26/09/2011 18:44

What the hell? Please don't give them the money, but you can tell them to fuck off if you like Grin

CristinadellaPizza · 26/09/2011 18:46

Yes I think email back saying we brought X amount of wine and beer so presume you've sent this to us by mistake. Ignoring it is a bit passive aggressive - take the bull by the horns.

They sound awful I have to say - are they good friends?

HerHissyness · 26/09/2011 18:47

Yeah, tell them that as a thank you for the wonderful party, you have decided to repay their kindness to an all expenses paid trip to Twatlandia.

It's just the other side of the Far side of Fuck

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 26/09/2011 18:47

YANBU They're cheeky feckers Hmm

LineRunner · 26/09/2011 18:50

And this, dear LIACC, is why your friends are able to save up thousands in the bank......

As MrsdeVere wisely notes, they are selling you leftovers.

Evil geniuses.

TandB · 26/09/2011 18:50

Another vote for the "yes, that's fine - we'll take it out of what you owe us for the wine and beer" approach.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 26/09/2011 18:50

I think saying 'Did you send us this email by mistake?' is a bit passive-aggressive, to be honest. I'd stick to 'Offset our £20 against the booze we brought'.

Or just do as HerHissyness suggests above. Grin

Kladdkaka · 26/09/2011 18:50

Email them back telling them to knock if off the amount they owe you for the wine and beer and ask, all innocent like, if they need the receipt.

MunchkinsMumof2 · 26/09/2011 18:51

I would reply all with a "thank you for a lovely weekend and for your hospitality, I hope you understand though that our case of beers and bottles of wine will be our contribution, Loveinacoldclimate and LIACC Dh xx
cheeky tight-arsed feckers

TheOriginalFAB · 26/09/2011 18:51

I think what you do depends on whether you want to be friends with these people any more and in fact, whether you are all real friends anyway.

CristinadellaPizza · 26/09/2011 18:52

They must realise that 4 bottles of wine and a case of beer costs more than £20 though surely? I think that's a pretty fair question - I'd be mystified if I was the only person who'd shelled out for drink and then got a bill

LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 18:54

Am PMSL at some of these. I especially like the idea of an offer of a trip to Twatlandia Grin.

Are they good friends? Well... she is lovely. He is, I suspect, a bit of a knob, which is becoming more and more apparent. I am pretty sure he is behind this charming request. It's a shame as we have a lot of friends in common, and it would be nice if, well, this hadn't happened...

OP posts:
Heebiejeebie · 26/09/2011 18:55

Definitely email back about your contribution. Not saying anything and simmering risks souring your friendship. Give them a chance to redeem themselves.

LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 18:56

I would like to know whether other people took some booze as a courtesy as well or not (we weren't there when others arrived). Even if they did, I am assuming not 4 bottles of wine and a case of beer per person who was drinking. I am going to get DH to dig tonight!

OP posts:
SharrieTBGinzatome · 26/09/2011 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 26/09/2011 18:59

Yep, getting in touch with them and being straightforward means they have a chance to see the error of their ways and back down, and your friendship has a chance of continuing unspoiled.

RockChick1984 · 26/09/2011 19:04

How much did you spend on the wine and beer? I'd be sending her an email saying something to the effect of "happy to pay your contribution of £20, we paid £xx for the wine and beer so you only owe us £xx now I've knocked off the 20!" and see what response you get!

LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 19:05

Yes, I think a polite but firm email may be the way forward... thank you.

OP posts:
Inertia · 26/09/2011 19:05

I think you need to respond- ignoring it makes you look you are sneakily avoiding paying, rather than objecting to it on entirely reasonable grounds.

I agree with the suggestion of saying that the wine and beer cost (say) £30, so you're happy to call it quits.

Don't much like the sound of this couple; you seem to be subsiding quite a few of their jaunts. Have they invoiced you for meals for the wedding?

Inertia · 26/09/2011 19:05

sorry, cross posts!

LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 19:11

Think we spent about £40 on the wine and beer. Must say, paying £30 (half the beer and wine plus a tenner) for a bacon sarnie and 100ml of wine does not seem like good valve for money!

OP posts:
LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 19:11

Or "value" even...

OP posts:
Meteorite · 26/09/2011 19:16

YANBU

notsofastmrbond · 26/09/2011 19:18

So they've basically thrown a party which you've had to pay food and accommodation for you to attend.

And now they want you to pay for the catering too?

YANBU.