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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...is the following a teensy bit rude and/or weird?

143 replies

LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 14:30

We have just come back from a weekend away for a friend's birthday. The invitation asked for us to pay for our accommodation (fair enough), but expressly said that the couple would be providing all the food and alcohol. All very generous and kind.

The event was for two nights, but we could only attend the second night (although to be fair we were only able to give late notice of that (I was ill) so they might have bought food in advance of knowing). We called before driving down on the Saturday and asked if they needed anything. They asked us to bring some red wine as they were running low. Again, completely ok. We took four bottles and a case of beer as well.

I am pregnant so didn't actually drink any of the alcohol, other than a tiny, tiny glass of wine. Neither did I actually eat any of the food on the night, as I wasn't feeling well, although I appreciate they wouldn't have known this in advance so would counted me amongst the number to cater for. The only food I ate, in fact, was a bacon sandwich, and the only thing I drank was the above mentioned tiny, tiny glass of wine (out of the wine we had brought) and some squash, which we had brought. DH, to be fair, ate and drank normally.

Upon returning to the office this morning, I found an email from the friend asking for a £10 contribution from each attendee (per head) for food and drink.

I wouldn't mind quite so much, but we have already spent, I would estimate, something in the region of £1,500 (at least, could be up to £2,500 I suspect) this year attending the couple's wedding and respective hen and stag dos... The friend also spent quite a lot of the weekend telling my DH how much money they are saving at the moment (some tens of thousands went in the bank last year, apparently). This causes the above to rankle somewhat more, especially as we are worrying a bit over finances once I start maternity leave.

We can afford the £20, so it's not as if it's taking the bread from the mouths of our poor wee bairns or anything, but I do feel a tiny bit disgruntled. We'll pay it, of course, but just wondered if the above is a bit... "off" or am I a hormonal, unreasonable Cah?

OP posts:
MollyTheMole · 26/09/2011 16:25

YANBU

Id remind them about the beers and wine you bought

Cheeky twasterds

DandyLioness · 26/09/2011 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CocktailQueen · 26/09/2011 16:31

OMG! I need to get out more! A 2 day birthday party?? 2.5K on hen and stag dos and wedding?? WOW!! They are being VU and cheeky. Agree with others and say that your wine/beer mroe than covered your share. Gah!

LRDTheFeministDragon · 26/09/2011 16:35

Very rude.

I think I'd write back with 'sorry, we won't be paying you money but you're welcome to give us the cost of the wine and beer back if you're bothered abouts costs! Smile'. But then, I'd be entirely happy to test the 'friendship' of such tossers.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 26/09/2011 16:39

When did all this paying for other people's dream hen/stag/wedding/birthday dos start?

I mean if someone wants to have a three nighter to prague for their hen do (for eg.) shouldnt they be able to afford it?

Or if they want an amazing birthday weekend away shouldnt they budget for the bloody thing?

Why do people expect other to contribute so much to their idea of what they should have?

ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse · 26/09/2011 16:57

I totally agree, MrsDeVere

SharrieTBGinzatome · 26/09/2011 17:20

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LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 18:14

Wow, thank you for all the support. I really did worry I would come on here and everyone would say either I was BU or that I was not really BU but it was only £20 and I should stop moaning.

I suspect all the email receipients are saying the same thing, but I am nervous of raising it and risking them saying "no, I think it's totally fine, you cheapskate", and forever after being That Cheap One...

I think we will go for "forgetting" to pay and see if they say anything else... a bit cowardly compared to some of the ideas on here (which I love but am too scared to do) but at least keeps the ball in their court to push it further...

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 26/09/2011 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 18:21

Hmmm, maybe you're right... I will discuss it with DH, who was also outraged. I have noticed that no-one has "replied all" (as generally happens)to the email saying what a nice weekend they had and that they will whizz the money over immediately, so I do wonder if everyone else is quietly fuming too...

OP posts:
SharrieTBGinzatome · 26/09/2011 18:23

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LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 18:26

I suspect there was probably loads of booze left over as well...

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 26/09/2011 18:30

Is there anyone on that email recipient list that you know well enough to call up and discuss this with? see what others are thinking?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/09/2011 18:32

They probably went home with a boot stuffed full of the food you didn't eat and the remnants of your beer and wine. Perhaps the contribution they're asking for is for doritos and dips to complete their evening in finishing it all off! :o

LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 18:32

I am considering that, HerHissyness - DH is out with one recipient tonight so maybe he will have a chance to mention it and see what she says...

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 26/09/2011 18:34

oh you can bet your bump it'll come up in conversation!

If it doesn't you spin him right round on his heels and tell him to go bring it up! Grin

SharrieTBGinzatome · 26/09/2011 18:34

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LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 18:35

Hahaha, they probably did, GML. Oh god, that reminds me... they did give us some leftovers to take home, but definitely not £20 (or probably even £5) worth... this really isn't drip-feeding of information, I had forgotten. I feel a bit bad now...

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 26/09/2011 18:35

he he, text your DH and tell him Mumsnet says UANBU, so go ahead and ask his mate what his opinion is!

scarletfingernail · 26/09/2011 18:37

YANBU. I suspect everyone else is thinking exactly the same as you.

You however, have an even stronger argument to not cough up as you more or less didn't consume a thing and you were only there half of the time. Disregarding that though, they told everyone they were paying so to ask for anything is terribly rude.

I think I'd go with ignoring it and if pushed further I would say along the lines of "I thought you must have included us by mistake since we were only there one night, I didn't have anything and DH more than made up for what he had with the beer and wine contribution."

I'd actually be seething about this and I'd be loathe to spend time with them again, especially if they do follow it up further.

LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 18:37

I will definitely keep you posted... I may have to text DH to tell him to make sure it comes up in conversation...

OP posts:
LoveInAColdClimate · 26/09/2011 18:38

Yes, DH does like his food and wine but I really don't think he could have eaten nearly enough to equate to 4 bottles of wine and a case of beer!

I will tell DH the MN verdict Grin.

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVere · 26/09/2011 18:40

Well they didnt give you leftovers did they?

Apparently they sold them to you Hmm

TheGrassIsJewelled · 26/09/2011 18:40

Another one flabbergasted at how ruuuuude! And I also want to know what happens next... Keep us posted Grin

StealthPolarBear · 26/09/2011 18:40
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