Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is not an AIBU or maybe it is, BUT I am interested in others opinions.

59 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 24/09/2011 23:40

I will not be typing every detail as it is painful to type so sorry for any mistakes.

Last Monday I collected DS2 from school, as we left the main security door slammed shut and took the top off of my finger, just the fleshy part behind the nail. My nail remained although was black and there was one heck of a lot of blood.

Anyway the long and short of it is I have had reconstructive surgery on said finger.

The entire staff have been extremely concerned about me and have bent over backwards to accomadate me with DS2 needing to be in school earlier as I have had hospital appts. The head asked what I would like to see happen and I explained I felt the lock needed moving and the hydraulic arm needed to be stronger as I believe the wind had blown the door onto my finger.

He has done this, infact he hasn't just had the lock moved he has had it changed to a magnetic strip and had a more powerful arm fitted.

I have had numerous people ask/tell me to sue the school - I won't. I have many reasons for this.

1- When I was growing up this school kept us in food and clothes - My dad was disabled and mum worked there.

2- They gave DS1 a great education

3- I am hoping DS2 gets the same level of education

4- It was an accident, nobody is to blame

5- Suing the school will not change what has happened whats done is done.

So AIBU for having this attitude? no it shouldn;t hae happened thats why its called an accident and thankfully it was me and not a child.

OP posts:
Sevenfold · 24/09/2011 23:41

you sound very sensible
if the school have acted and ensured this kind of accident won't hapen again, the job is done.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 24/09/2011 23:45

Seven thats what I think.

Sensible yes I am being now, I was totally irrational earlier in the week when I sa the blood I screamed for my mum Blush who happened to walk into the office where I was to ask for a spare p.e kit for a child.

OP posts:
Kayano · 24/09/2011 23:48

I think that is a sensible and brilliant approach to be honest. By both you and the school. The head especially seemed to take action ASAP

I would only consider taking it further if they had my acted or there had been a danger left after they were made aware iyswim?

blackeyedsusan · 24/09/2011 23:49

seems like the schoool has taken the steps needed. if you sue, it could be a load of hassle and make things uncomfortable for your dcs/mum/you. I doubt it would be worth it really.

FetchezLaVache · 24/09/2011 23:49

6- Any money awarded to you is funds the school would have to do without.

7- They've taken immediate action to ensure it doesn't happen again.

YANBU, OP. Good for you for not being a litigious twat!

sunnydelight · 24/09/2011 23:50

Of course YANBU, accidents happen and I loathe the culture of always having to blame someone and seek financial compensation. You also clearly have a long standing relationship with the school that would be tainted if you did. DS1 was burnt recently operating a BBQ at school, I was totally pissed off as basic safety procedures hadn't been followed but I got an apology from the school, and there was a clear policy the next day (which I have seen in action since) so job done but I was amazed by the number of people telling me to "sue the school".

Hope your finger's ok btw Smile

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 24/09/2011 23:51

Kay, he was in a business meeting at the time of the accident, he returned to the school afterwards and stayed there until gone 7 when he knew I was out of hospital, I met with him the following day and Friday the door locks etc were changed.

I will tell you this I have NEVER met a grown man cry so much as he did when I sat with him in his office.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 24/09/2011 23:53

I have been involved with the school via Mum, DS1 and now DS2 for 30 yrs.

OP posts:
Grumpla · 24/09/2011 23:53

Good for you.
Hope your finger gets better soon. That sounds pretty nasty!

dannyblanchflower · 24/09/2011 23:54

Hooray for common sense! All your points are valid and say a lot about you as a genuinely thoughful person but number 4 is the crucial one - someone else is not always to blame.

chirpchirp · 24/09/2011 23:55

As someone who works in the world of civil litigation I appauled your attitude. The school have clearly been understanding and taken action to ensure it doesn't happen again. Assuming of course that any treatment you require can be obtained on the NHS and therefore won't require you to pay privately for it I think you are being very sensible.

dannyblanchflower · 24/09/2011 23:55

Oh and I hope you aren't in too much pain and get better soon Smile

topsyturner · 24/09/2011 23:56

Definitely the morally correct course of action .
It was an accident , the school has rectified the problem .
And although you have been damaged , you are a big enough person to understand how this would affect the school if persued any further .

Job done , and happy healing .

Hatesponge · 24/09/2011 23:56

Sorry to hear about your finger, sounds nasty. I would have cried, screamed and probably fainted if it had happened to me!

I'm a personal injury lawyer working for a leading insurance co, so have a foot on both sides (I currently field lots of calls from policyholders upset their premiums are increasing because of the compensation culture etc)

On the one hand, I think if you are injured, particularly if there are any lasting consequences of your injury, then you should make a claim and get the compensation you are entitled to.

On the other, I can understand why you might not wish to do so, both because you feel an accident is simply that, and that the school has been a great support to you. Plus the fact they have acted promptly to take remedial action.

One thing I would say, with my lawyers hat on, is that you do have 3 years to bring a claim. It's very soon after the event now, it could be (and lets hope not, because health is much more valuable than money) that you are left with permanent problems which reduce your dexterity, may affect your ability to work/manage everyday tasks/require further treatment etc. In such circumstances imo it would be understandable if you did change your mind, but just remember the 3 year rule :)

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 24/09/2011 23:57

Grumpla yes its nasty BUT it could have been worse, it could hae been a child or I could hae lost the tip completely. As it stands the plastic surgeon managed to cut a Y out of the remaining part and recreate a tip.

I mean had I faced worse case scenario I would have had to have it amputated to the top knuckle then just think I would have got acrylics at a discount with one nail missing Wink

Also how disgusted was I? free plastic surgery and what did I go for??? a recreation of my finger tip!!!! most would go for boobs or face!!

OP posts:
SingingSands · 24/09/2011 23:58

You are like a breath of fresh air - so many people in your position would be seeing pound signs in front of their eyes.

Well done to you for not going down that route - your reasons are excellent.

I hope your finger is getting better, I really winced reading that! Ouch!

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 24/09/2011 23:58

Ouch you poor thing, and I think you are doing the right thing - it was an accident, they have been concerned and taken steps to make sure it cannot happen again. I don't really think there is anything else to be done, apart from heal up - nice and soon hopefully!

HeIsSpartacus · 24/09/2011 23:59

Will the finger be fully functioning once it has healed?

Am not recommending that you sue but for the school this would be covered by public liability insurance.

If I was going to suffer long term effects (I type a lot in my job and need to keep up to about 70wpm) I would overcome my sentimentality to sue to ensure I was able to pay for income protection insurance or put something aside for my pension or future surgery should I need it. I do understand why you wouldn't personally want to sue because of your strong connections with the school and I'm not a fan of the "had an accident, wnat to blame it on someone?" ads and culture...but I would have to consider what the future impact on my earning potential/possible complications would have on mine and my DCs standard of living.

Grumpla · 25/09/2011 00:02

Ah but then you would have BU to have acrylic nails (IMO) as they are creeeeepy.

That has just reminded me though, I had a family friend who lost her little finger in an accident once, knew her for years until I noticed it aged about 11, I kept freaking out and saying "but where is it?!?!" thinking she was doing one of those weird sleight of hand / optical illusion things! Blush

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 25/09/2011 00:06

Well the surgeon had to take a millimeter of bone away as the dor lock had snapped a piece off and also I have a fracture but they can't deal with that until the tip is healed.

I don;t work, I was due to start but thankfuly being my brothers company the job is on hold for me Grin (its a no win no fee company lol)

The way I am looking at it is I could have been a child and lost my entire hand but I didn;t I simply lost the fleshy part behind my nail and it is repaired, ok maybe it wont look exactly the same again BUT I still have it and I like being a bit different Wink

OP posts:
theglove · 25/09/2011 00:07

It sounds as if you have a great relationship with the school and have acted very well.

I hope your finger is better soon, it's a nasty injury.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 25/09/2011 00:11

Theglove,

As I said to one person they are not just the staff who teach my dc (only ds2 now as ds1 is in secondary) they are a family to me, they were there through DS1's life from being concieved to now and the same with DS2.

Many of them have known me since I was 6yrs old, how could I deprive the school of the funds they so desperatly need as an inner london school when they have given so much to my family over the years?

OP posts:
furtree · 25/09/2011 00:27

Your lucky, when my uncle lost the top of his finger, about half a nails worth, the surgeon just chopped of the finger to the first joint, it looks horrible.

The school would have a claim against the installers of the doors,

but the trouble you goo through to claim will probably be not worth while.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 25/09/2011 00:30

Fur, it was just a bit of the flesh behind the nail, the plastic surgeon said as soon as he saw it "Not as bad as everyone thought it would be" and asked me if I wanted to keep the length which obviously I did Grin

the other option was the partial amputation.

OP posts:
DumSpiroSpero · 25/09/2011 00:35

Bloody good for you for being so sensible.

Hope your finger is better soon.