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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pathetically tearful about my oldest going off to uni?

39 replies

PrincessTamTam · 24/09/2011 11:07

I have been tearing up and making him hug me all week, and I literally sob every time my 3yo watches Toy Story 3... Is this normal? Or a complete overreaction?

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worraliberty · 24/09/2011 11:09

YANBU for being tearful about it but YABU for making him hug you.

It's going to be a massive upheaval for him and he's going to need to remain focused, therefore you need to show strength outwardly at least (though I'm sure it's hard)

The Toy Story part is plain weird...sorry

Original poster

PrincessTamTam · 24/09/2011 11:18

He's a very good hugger, and I honestly don't think he minds - maybe even quite likes it. He will be fine, I KNOW this, he is SO ready, and I am so happy for him, but I just feel like its the end of everything, even though I know its the beginning for him. As I type that I realise it's completely selfish and all about me... but there's something about your firstborn, hopefully I will be better when/if the rest go.
TS3 is my 3yo's fave and there is a particular scene where the 'mom' says she always just thought she'd be with her son (who's off to college)... it gets me every time. As I said, pathetic!

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LadyBeagleEyes · 24/09/2011 11:23

Oh, Princess, Toy Story 3 gets me every time.
My ds (16) will be going off to university in a couple of years, he's also a hugger.
I'm part dreading and part being so proud of him I could burst (he's very clever and very focused), I know exactly where your'e coming from.
And it hasn't even happened yet.

lolaflores · 24/09/2011 11:24

my little one started big school last week and next week biggie start uni. I am all over the shop. Not sure which is tipping me over more. It is such a big step for all of us. Not looking forward to next week. She is having panic attacks and shitting herself in equal measure

Original poster

PrincessTamTam · 24/09/2011 11:30

Yep I have the same - my youngest starting nursery my biggest starting Uni! Its ridiculous. I am completely fine about the youngest however, I have been through it 4 times and its SO good for them if they are ready and you are happy with the school. Uni is all new for me though and its sending him off into the world and all that... maybe it's just my having no control/not being able to protect him anymore that's getting to me.

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Original poster

PrincessTamTam · 24/09/2011 12:27

Thanks Lady, glad its not just me floored by TS3. And Lola I think it will be better once they are actually there, its the anticipation which gets to us all. She will be fine, meanwhile maybe try pull ups for the shitting herself. (laughing emoticon - haven't worked out how to do this yet, doh!)

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A1980 · 24/09/2011 12:32

I have been tearing up and making him hug me all week

I would have lost patience with that by now. My mum was a very involved, very loving mother and didn't like to see me leave when I was going off to uni. But she wouldn't have done that.

What a way to send your son off. It's a big step for him but you're making it all about you and he'll probably go off worrying about you instead of being excited.

Andrewofgg · 24/09/2011 12:37

What I said in a similar thread:

It's now forty years ago since I went to University; my mother was a widow (met DSF a bit later) and I am the younger of two, so she went home to an empty nest, and as she told me later had a long cry. Then got on with her life.

OP, that's what happens and it is as it should be. We see threads here about first time parents who think they have invented the process, and make themselves look silly. In the same way what is happening to you has happened to others and they have survived it.

Pagwatch · 24/09/2011 12:48

Or you have the other situation where I left home and my otherwise loving parents were

I suspect that the op is perfectly sensible to her sons needs and is not scarring him for life. She is just expressing on here how surprised she is at her reaction.

Let's not be sanctimonious just because we had a difficult parent shall we?

Original poster

PrincessTamTam · 24/09/2011 12:50

A1980/Andrew (are you the same person?) I don't think he's lost patience with me tbh, as I said he's a good hugger and we do quite a lot of it in our house.

I did say I realised I was being selfish, and of course I know its what happens, and is as it should be, blah blah blah (see my post above) I'm not completely silly as you suggest.
I also don't think I've invented the process but it is my first experience of it and hence the question.

I have talked to him about this and he is a happy mixture of anxious and excited, I don't think there's any harm in him knowing I will miss him.

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Original poster

PrincessTamTam · 24/09/2011 12:51

Thanks Pag. Exactly - I have surprised myself.

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StrandedBear · 24/09/2011 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

PrincessTamTam · 24/09/2011 13:02

Ha Ha Ha! I hope so! Isn't that what uni is for? I would like a mini cam on him when he does his first laundry load though... IF he does a laundry load...

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Andrewofgg · 24/09/2011 13:58

I'm not A1980. I only use this name.

No, you're not silly and I hope I did not sound harsh. Very best to you.

stepawayfromtheecclescakes · 24/09/2011 14:12

don't be silly Princess laundry comes home for Mum I will cry buckets when/if my ds goes to Uni in a 3 years time as he plans, can't imagine life without him here all the time but like you I know its part of growing up for me too and his adult life beginning. Incidentally me very spoilt niece went off to uni and whenever she didn't come home for a couple of weekends she would buy new knickers at Primark rather than do washing

Original poster

PrincessTamTam · 24/09/2011 14:40

Thanks Andrew. Not too harsh.

Step - You are right! I am pretty sure he will drag his washing 2 hours home rather than actually do it himself... we shall see. Ha Ha to Primark knickers www.mumsnet.com/te/2.gif.

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Original poster

PrincessTamTam · 24/09/2011 14:41

oops. www.mumsnet.com/te/1.gif

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Original poster

PrincessTamTam · 24/09/2011 14:41

oooops ooops - am crap at this.

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Trippler · 24/09/2011 14:45

If it helps, can you remember the immense fun of leaving home for the first time, your first new flat and how that made you feel, sorting out your room, the ease of making friends?

It's 11 years until it happens here and I am already having to repeat the above like a mantra .

slipperandpjsmum · 24/09/2011 16:14

It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your ds. I am dreading mine going next year and could cry just at the thought of it. For those Mums who have little ones its hard to imagine I suppose but it only seems like a heartbeat ago that he was in his school uniform ready to go to reception with a big smile and a goodbye Mummy. I cried then when I got home. I think its natural to be upset and I certainly don't think you are selfish. You love your son and you are going to miss him.

You know its whats best for him and he will be fine but I do feel for you and send you a virtual hug (cause I know you like them).

mrsscoob · 24/09/2011 17:07

Yep can totally relate to that, and the Toy Story thing! My son went last year so has just gone back for his second year and I would like to reassure you a bit. I was really upset when he first left but they have massively long holidays, he has just gone back after being home since June and to be honest part of me was happy to see him go... a tidy house again and not being woke up by him banging around the house at all hours for a start. You do get used to it. It won't be long until the Christmas holidays, It will be fly by and the Christmas holiday is really long too.

Are you dropping him off yourself. That was what I was most worried about, bursting into tears in front of his new flatmates! I did manage to contain myself though and managed to hold it in until I was driving away.

FabbyChic · 24/09/2011 17:13

My eldest went four years ago, he finished this year, the day he went I moved into his bedroom.

Today I dropped off my youngest, I couldn't sleep all night and got up at 5am. I cried on the way back from Bath.

I didn't hang around because I want him to make friends, and to do that he needs to be on his own not have his Mum hanging around.

I unpacked his stuff, hung his clothes and made his bed.

Shall be different in this house with no children in it, and no one to look after.

KeepInMind · 24/09/2011 17:14

The fact that your DS is ready to go to uni proves you have done good as a parent and shown him how to become independent.

Good luck

BecauseImWorthIt · 24/09/2011 17:14

Have just dropped my DS1 off. Managed to hold it together reasonably well, but the lead up to it all was excruciating. As you say though, that is all about me and not him. I know he was looking forward to it, which is all that matters.

Now I'm just wondering how long it will be before we hear from him!

Original poster

PrincessTamTam · 24/09/2011 17:55

Thanks for all those kind and reassuring posts!
He doesn't go til next Sunday and I kind of wish it was this weekend, when most of his mates are going. You are right its the build up that's excruciating. Me and DH are both dropping him off and yes, I do worry I will make a show of him by snotting up all over his new duvet in front of his new flatmates, but I am determined not to do this!

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