to be totally fucked off with the antisahm comments on here?

[slackers]

Wtaf are you only a good role model to your DC if you are in paid employment?
Why does someone only be valid in society if they earn?
Why should I work only to pay someone else do a job to look after my DC? wtaf is the logic in that?
ffs

Wood - I didn't mean to imply that it was life-limiting for all dual career couples, just that the reason that many mothers gives up work was that they found their situation life-limiting for their families (eg if one partner gets an exciting chance to move abroad for work, that can be horizon-broadening for everyone in the family).

I have been thinking about this ( with my teeny tiny pissfarter brain that hasn't got an MA) .

I think Xenia is just so passionate and excited at where she is in her life that she has become evangelical about it to the extent that she is now simply incapable of accepting that others might not share her life choices.
A bit like Jehovahs Witnesses who can't grasp the whole idea that some of us don't believe!

I do think what you have achieved is commendable Xenia and your love for your job shines through. My DH is very similar, super high flier, always jetting off, always busy. And it is my idea of hell on earth. Heck, I don't even like going on holiday in the UK because I miss my home and animals!

I'm not going to respond to the comment that we are too thick to hold down a job because I'd like to pretend someone as intelligent and driven as Xenia wouldn't make such a moronic comment.

I have been thinking about it too.

But I have got the energy anymore I think I might go and have a lie down when the breakfast dishes are done.

thats NOT GOT

Just as a general non judgemental point, there are big disadvantages to 'hating' the idea of the opposite way of life to your own, which is what some women on this thread say about themselves.

None of us know what's round the corner, and its to our own benefit if we have the capacity to be adaptable and flexible. For example, I enjoy working and choose to work, but I also enjoyed the times when I was home on maternity leaves and I would never say I 'hate' 'the idea of being at home. If god forbid anything happened which meant I couldn't work for a while, I like to think I have the capacity to deal with that.

It's a bit worrying when you hear women say the idea of working is 'hell' (or equally vice versa- the idea of being at home). It just proves you're in a dicey position should your circumstances change

No, my idea of working in a high flying job like Xenia's is hell.

Quite, quite different form working in general.

The idea of working with someone like Xenia is hell to me.

Can you imagine working as a cleaner in her office...

being the bottom of the food chain she would scrape her shoes on my head when I bent to empty her bin.

LOL, Riven, you are quite right and in fact, by definition, most mothers who outsource childcare will outsource it to someone less educated than themselves to whom they only need pay out a portion of their own income.

Many nannies round here can barely speak a word of any language in common with the children they take care of!

Actually I think xenia would be a right laff to work with. Shes also quite generous and thoughtful as I know from other threads that she has made offers of work to people.

'How many leading surgeons give up work to look after their children?'

An awful lot of the ones i know work part time when their kids are very small.

donthatme........................I won't be able to have a nap now. I keep thinking of my boss being Xenia.

I will make a beef stew instead and then sit outside in the sun with my book.

Btw some of us do spend time picking and choosing our childcare carefully. Just like with schools

Are we supposed to think WOHP don't get any sunshine lol !

But if you choose the wrong one and only realise a few weeks later the damage has been done.

You will never know what goes on in the nursery unless you are a fly on the wall.

and salutes Riven.

donthatme.................not stuck in an office they don't, of unless they have removable roofs

I sometimes wonder if in a few years the government will admit they were wrong on pushing mums back to work or encouraging institutional childcare centres. They (previous gov) have recently admitted they were wrong about a number of other things and it is quite expected that they spout out what is their interests.

NYCor makes a great point about security. Sure sometimes there is no choice but it is risky to survive on one income for a long time unless you have savings.

I have a friend who thought she was happliy married, husband had a good job, they got by and were comfortable without her earning but didn't have a heap of equity in the house. She had 10 years out of work and at 41 years her Husband left her, out of the blue. He pays his 15% maintenace minus 2/7ths as he has their DD 2 days a week. but that really isn't a lot when the only person who will employ her is Tesco. So she's now working 3 days a week (can't do any more as she will lose most of her benefits) with a load of 16 years olds at the age of 41. Her DD who is used to having mum at home has to come home by herself after school and make her own tea etc and sit for 3 hours until mum is home. In 4 years her DD will be 16 and maintenance will stop along with Tax credits and Child benefit... Her DD carries a lot of the burden of their money worries on her shoulders and is certainly not happy... She has cried on my shoulder many times that she wishes she had stayed in employment. But as i told her, hindsight is a wonderful thing and you do what you think is best at the time.

[slight thread hijack]

Riven so glad to see you popping up on threads again. I'm a lurker and sometime poster but your insight has been missed. The world needs more women like you.

[That is all.]

I have an MBA and had a long and fulfilling 16 year career, which I fully intended to return to. However a number of things happened to change that:

1. i couldnt have predicted how i would feel about my DS when he was born
2. due to helath problems I was only going to have one child
3. when i did return to work I was treated differently when it became clear i could no longer work the same hours
4. my Dh was offered an amazing job that involved living between, Scotland, Dubai and singapore

I decided for a while I wanted t be with DS and travel with DH. That was the right choice for me and my family.

As a previous WOHM mother I know how difficult it is and I admire anyone who manages to do it. I also admire women who have managed to achieve something in their life that was important to them.

What I cannot stand is the derogatory sweeping generalisations. Surely women who are educated and have managed to create opportunites for themselves owe it to other women to help them achieve the same.

I volunteer at a womens refuge and an adult literacy class because i want to see other women afforded the same opportunities I have had in life.

Laptop - you seem very anxious to convince yourself that working parents use damaging childcare. Oh and don't get any sunshine either. If you were really secure in 'your choice you wouldn't feel the need to imagine others aren't happy with theirs!

And others seems sure that me bringing up my own child is damaging them.