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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be totally fucked off with the antisahm comments on here?

987 replies

slackers · 23/09/2011 19:25

Wtaf are you only a good role model to your DC if you are in paid employment?
Why does someone only be valid in society if they earn?
Why should I work only to pay someone else do a job to look after my DC? wtaf is the logic in that?
ffs

Angry
OP posts:
donthateme · 26/09/2011 20:01

I enjoy my work! It's perfectly possible 'you know! I often think that people who talk about wage slaves are telling us more about themselves rather than anyone else. Maybe if 'you have never had interesting work, its difficult to get your head round the fact it exists. I certainly encourage my kids to aim for good qualifications and training- it makes it far more likely they'll do fulfilling work rather than ending up on some mundane treadmill and desperate to get off it

wordfactory · 26/09/2011 20:01

That was to laptop.

plenty that is her view, her opinion. It's not universal truth.

And I'd still have women standing up and saying they like their work, that it doesn't make them feel guilty...even if some of the other stuff is a bit daft. I'd rather have that than a thousand breast beaters about children in child care because the vast majority of women have no choice. They have to work. So ffs let's try to make that experience positive.

wordfactory · 26/09/2011 20:03

Again laptop that is not the point.

laptoplover · 26/09/2011 20:04

What is not the point and what was to laptop.........?

remember I am of limited brainpower.

Pissfarterleech · 26/09/2011 20:06

Is this still rumbling on?

Ye gads, do people really care what strangers think of them?

Life is way, way too short for this kind of endless, circular squabbling.

if you are happy, your kids are happy and hubby is happy, fuck everyone else.

Riveninabingle · 26/09/2011 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wordfactory · 26/09/2011 20:10

It's not the point to say that Xenia's not worried.

Personal insults and posting personal information are not acceptable. You don't egt to decide that it's okay if it's a poster you don't like.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 26/09/2011 20:11

Well it's a nasty opinion IMO.

I'm really glad that so many women enjoy their work. That's great. I enjoy mine too. Aren't we lucky.

There are lots of SAHMs who don't have a choice either - I'd rather have neither 'side' putting the other lot down in such a nasty fashion.

ScarahStratton · 26/09/2011 20:12

I enjoyed my work. I was actually very good at it.

But I also appreciate being able to have a choice between work or SAHM. I don't judge people who work, and I don't appreciate being judged because I don't.

donthateme · 26/09/2011 20:14

Oh entirely agree, I'm glad I have the choice not to. I think dh likes the fact he doesn't need to either. The fact that we do work is no reason to be judged either

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 26/09/2011 20:31

But wordfactory why not just have your own view instead of getting behing the views of someone else - some of which you find 'a bit daft'. I'm a happy sahm. I agree with other posters here who have pointed out that that is possible. I don't, however, feel the need to leap to the defence of posters saying, for example, that working mums shouldn't have had kids.

TwoIfBySea · 26/09/2011 20:36

If someone ridicules someone else it is usually a sign of insecurity and a tinge of jealousy.

The way I see it I work (part-time) because I want to keep a roof over our heads and food in my dts bellies. If I was materialistic I would work full-time and find fulfilment by being there for a company rather than my family.

I am fulfilled by things that are important to me. If people have a career that is important to them then good on them - I have never been in that position.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 26/09/2011 20:40

Don't say that TwoIfBySea! I said it earlier and was accused of watching too much Diagnosis Murder. I completely agree with you though

I would also question whether people who troll internet forums for reaction are as happy with their lives and choices as they would have everyone think they are.

TwoIfBySea · 26/09/2011 20:48

Wait, isn't Diagnosis Murder that programme with the guy from Mary Poppins? Did I miss something? I diagnose that people should read Affluenza and see if there are perhaps some home truths in there.

I always pity trolls, they truly are the most pathetic little creatures. We should feel sorry for anyone who has to get their kicks by being obnoxious.

NYCorLondon · 26/09/2011 20:58

I just wonder if women who give up work realise how risky it is for them and their families? Stats show that family breakdown can and does happen, they also show that women and children suffer a deterioration in living standards far greater than men following a family breakup.

I've seen first hand how this can happen. My Mum went back to work when I was 5 even though she was more than happy being a housewife, having given up work when she had kids. Why? Because she wanted to divorce my Dad which she didn't do until I was 9. She had to work for 4 years while stuck in a miserable marriage to save enough money of her own to divorce him. I'd never ever allow myself to be in that situation.

My MIL found herself widowed at the age of 37 with 6 kids. Suddenly, after 15 years at home, she had to go out to work for peanuts just to put food on the table.

Especially in today's market, having one salary is really a risky strategy. What if the breadwinner loses his job? That could be disaster for everyone whereas having two earners spreads the risk at least.

I can totally see the attraction of staying at home. It definitely makes for a much easier, less stressful life. But I do think women are putting themselves at huge risk by doing so. This isn't just my opinion - it's what all the evidence shows unfortunately, whereas there's no evidence to support that working mothers harm children in any way (assuming good quality childcare).

laptoplover · 26/09/2011 21:03

and the same goes for the men that stay at home or who earn less...............I assume......

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 26/09/2011 21:05

I didn't personally see it as a risk. I have a fair bit of faith in the strength of my relationship with dh and, without going into unnecessary detail, we have been through worse than me giving up work!
We also have savings put away for if dh did lose his job.

stripeytiger · 26/09/2011 21:11

Haven't had time to read all the posts on the this thread, but OP if you're still around -
I've been a working mum and SAHM. For me it's all mood related - when I was at work I wanted to be at home and vice versa. When in a good mood I liked working, when feeling a bit crap - absolutely hated it and wanted to be at home with dcs.
Now I've been a SAHM for about 2.5 years. Have days when I'm bored out of my skull and would love to be in an office - but then have days when i'm so bloody glad i'm out of that bitchy back biting, time pressured environment.

Do yourself a favour and savour each day of whatever your life is at the moment, don't feel guilty or feel you have to justify your way of life to anyone else. No-one knows what lies around the corner so enjoy every minute. If you are mostly happy with your lot, your dcs are happy then tune out to any negative comments you hear or read.

Riveninabingle · 26/09/2011 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NYCorLondon · 26/09/2011 21:31

laptoplover - absolutely the same goes for men. but it's usually women...

shpp - great that things are going well for you. giving up work isn't the trigger (I never said that) - things can go wrong even in the best relationship so to deny risk is put your head in the sand.

jellybeans · 26/09/2011 21:31

I know SAH is a risk but I am willing to take it because i don't think anything could be better than time with my kids while they are young. I've been through many losses before having them which made me see even more what is important in life-to me. Additionally DH gets to do what he wants-a job with odd hours. We both get what we want; we're happy, kids happy. I tried working and it wasn't for us at this point in time. I don't think SAH is for everyone though! But for me it is. I am studying (OU) and volunteer in case I ever need or want to get a job and for something to do for my self.

In a way, though, is it (SAH) any more risky than relying on a dual income to pay the bills and then splitting up? Surely most couples whether working or not will be worse off at suddenly running 2 homes.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 26/09/2011 21:36

In a way, though, is it (SAH) any more risky than relying on a dual income to pay the bills and then splitting up?

Yup it is, if you struggle to get back into the workplace after a long break.

NYCorLondon · 26/09/2011 21:36

Riven - where there's no choice, then there's no choice, what do you do? I'm talking about the risk taken by women who make a choice. If I could help it (ie I had a choice), I wouldn't want to find myself reliant on one salary, waiting to hear if my dh has been made redundant or not. That's an awful situation to be in and you have my full sympathies - I really hope it works out OK.

NYCorLondon · 26/09/2011 21:37

Yes, that's right jellybeans. The cost of running two households does bring down the overall disposable income. But women and kids end up far worse off than men. That's what the statistics show - the main reason being that women earn less than men, and the main reason for that is time taken out for childcare.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 26/09/2011 21:44

I'm not denying that for some it may be risky I'm just saying that I don't see it as a great risk in my situation. Certainly not great enough for me to choose, what I would have considered to be, the massive sacrifice of going back to work when I wanted to be at home with my kids.
I was in an entry level job that wasn't in the area I want to pursue as a career when I had my eldest. We would have been no better off financially if I returned to work and paid for childcare and we have no relatives willing to do it for free/cheap.
I am doing 3 hrs a week voluntary work in the evenings at the moment which will give me the experience I need to pursue the career I want when the kids are in school.
What would you say I was at risk of that would mean I should have gone back to work against my wishes?