to be totally fucked off with the antisahm comments on here?

[slackers]

Wtaf are you only a good role model to your DC if you are in paid employment?
Why does someone only be valid in society if they earn?
Why should I work only to pay someone else do a job to look after my DC? wtaf is the logic in that?
ffs

Lockets- thankyou . He was badly bullied . Hes a lot happier in Pre school for a couple of hours each morning .
Just for info my DD friend (6) was crying outside school last week. Her mother has just returned to work . Her DD goes to breakfast club and child minders after school. The poor girl told me that she really misses her mummy .she looks like a shadow of the former happy child I used to know. I am a SAHM and I am certainly not bored . I run round solidly all day. My family are all happier since I gave up work . I certainly won't be on my deathbed wishing I had worked more while my children were young .

:o @ sillyoldself
Did I ? Do I? How do you know?
Why do you feel that you can you judge all nurseries by your own experience?

What happened Sillyoldself?

I do worry about nurseries. I worry that they are an unnatural environment for children to grow up in. They spend so much of their day there that I feel it's a bit of an institutional upbringing and I do wonder about the long term affects. No doubt my arse will get seriously flamed for that but ho hum.

Sorry x post

Well for a start kittyfane you don't know what I did for a for living !

...and neither do you sillyoldself ( is this a guessing game?)
It is unreasonable to write off all nursery care and to call the people who work there monkeys.
I don't work in a nursery BTW but whilst your attitude towards nursery staff may fit your situation, your judgement is not universally accurate.

I'm going to have to hide this thread. I cannot stand people who think they can take lessons learned their own experience, or their perceptions of other people's experiences (self-rightous much KittyFane?) and apply them to everyone elses bloody lives.

Just because one kind of solution works for one family, it doesn't mean that its the solution for everyone else. Everyone finds a way of living, working, paying bills, keeping their sanity that works for them. It doesn't mean it'll work for the next person. Is that so frickin' hard to understand?

Having been both a WOHM and a SAHM I can confirm the grass is always greener but still requires mowing regardless

2cats - I cannot stand people who think they can take lessons learned their own experience, or their perceptions of other people's experiences (self-rightous much KittyFane?) and apply them to everyone elses bloody lives.

Exactly my point. Just because someone has a bad experience at a nursery doesn't mean every nursery is rubbish and that nursery staff are monkeys.

Exactly my point. Just because someone has a bad experience at a nursery doesn't mean every nursery is rubbish and that nursery staff are monkeys.

Quite right you don't, but if you find out at a later date that it is rubbish the damage may already of been done.

I am a sahm, I have never commented about others who work

However I have been asked consistently if I get bored, what I do all day, that I am setting a bad example to my dd, that it puts pressure on dh to be sole earner etc

Actually I love being a sahm. Love it. Incedently it has allowed be to pursue a lifelong dream and try and write a book. 32,000 words and counting

As I have kept tactfully quiet for years and put up with these comments sod it, I am going to say the unsayable

I think children are better with a parent at home if possible and no I don't think full-time nursery is the best option. Oh and I think a lot of the criticism of sahm is born from guilt and projection

True, I agree that some nurserys are not up to scratch, it's about trusting your instincts and reacting to situations accordingly. DC can have a bad experience there's no doubt about it and this is not acceptable by any means and can be damaging.
But, a lot of nurseries are fantastic, friend's recommendations rather than Ofsted reports/ slick managers are probably best to listen to.
To say that nursery staff are all immature (as in too young), unqualified 'monkeys' is far from the truth in many cases.

Last post to iliketherain

I think children are better with a parent at home if possible and no I don't think full-time nursery is the best option. Oh and I think a lot of the criticism of sahm is born from guilt and projection
addressbook. I agree.

addressbook .......I agree

I think children are better with a parent at home if possible and no I don't think full-time nursery is the best option. Oh and I think a lot of the criticism of sahm is born from guilt and projection

Yep

We all make decisions based on what we believe is right for our family at any particular time, within the parameters of choice available to us. If our Children are happy and thriving, then whats 'the problem? None of us know what the future holds anyone, or whether our children will feel thankful for the decisions made. And these things aren't black and White anyway. I had a SAHM, I was happy as a child and liked having my mum around, but equally I think I would have been perfectly happy if she'd worked and had more of a life for herself, it would have been good for her self esteem I think. Its not as though one scenario is totally good and another is totally bad. I also think it would have been good to see my father being a more hands on dad and taking on more domestic stuff, which would have happened if my mum hadn't been their always doing it.

I think the point at which 'the whole WOHM/ SAHM thing turns Nasty is when people try to claim the moral high ground and say that one way is better for the children. I work, and would never in a million years claim that it is 'better'' for my kids. But neither would I say that me not working would be 'better'. The Only thing I claim (because they are undeniable facts) is that working gives me a good income and future security with my pension, and intellectual fulfilment and a good social life. (and yes I do things outside work too which keep the brain ticking over and provide a social life, but I was referring to the fulfilment from work and the social aspect of work specifically). Those are the things that make working better for me and for our family. I don't need to work, financially, but I gain a lot from it. But I don't, repeat DON'T, make any claims that it makes my children better in any way. So anyone trying to claim that staying at home would make them 'better' can simply piss off. Stay at home or go to work, your choice (if you're fortunate enough to have a choice) but shut up with the spurious arguments that your particular way is 'better'!

donthateme......................................your post was doing very well until you said

''piss off''

then i realised you do feel guilty about working to get so mad.

Ah timely cross posts there! Address book exemplifies my point precisely. Stay at home if it suits you - but stop trying to convince yourself that people who do it differently are damaging their kids.

You come across as secretly hoping that the children of working parents will be less successful, less well adjusted than those of non working parent. Well, as a mum who has always worked , I can assure you that my teenagers are secure, well adjusted and have close relationships with dh and me. Oh and they are in top sets as well academically. Does that annoy you just a teensy bit!

No, liketherain, I don't feel remotely guilty. I used the term piss off because it's such a negative waste of energy when people try to put others down. I have no issue with you staying home if you want to liketherain. Just stop wishing people who make different choices felt guilty about it!

People do what works for them and their families at a particular point in time.

I genuinely have never understood the issue of sahm v wohm, and trust me, I have an opinion on almost everything!

DO your thing, let others do theirs.

Does not annoy me at all, but I do know when I am sat in my little chair when I am old and grey I won't regret a minute I spent with my child and will not be worrying that maybe I should of spent more time in work.

After all if I left my child he would be distraught.

If you left your job they would forget about you in a week, and do not kid yourself you are special in the workplace you are a number and thats it.

People say piss off and swear when they have nothing intelligent to say it ruins an argument.

I'm sure many children would be happy to have one parent home with them (not "better off" because that implies financially more secure which isn't the case). How much happier they would be compared to the benefits of both parents working remains for the parents to discuss and resolve for the overall best result.

I doubt there is a single aspect of paretning which can be resolve by a sweeping "it is better for childrne is..."

My son was adopted by me, I don't doubt that many children in his position would have been way better off if both birth parents were working for many reasons which I won't divert the thread with here.

nethuns........................some people do what is best for the family, some do what is best for them and do not worry about the children.