to be totally fucked off with the antisahm comments on here?

[slackers]

Wtaf are you only a good role model to your DC if you are in paid employment?
Why does someone only be valid in society if they earn?
Why should I work only to pay someone else do a job to look after my DC? wtaf is the logic in that?
ffs

I wamt to spend my days in starbucks gossiping and going to spas! Pray tell what I did wrong? I have worked for 20 plus years and I am knackered. I still have a least another 20 to go, and already I am thinking of my pension, and how we will manage.

My grandfather who was born in 1891 in a traditional rural community in northern Europe wrote his autobiography. He mentions as a special feat that his mother brought up all her 10 children past infancy: the first death was of an 11yo and 9 children survived into adulthood- pretty unusual for those days.

But he also mentions that he has no recollection of her ever playing or joking with him- all her life was taken up with the relentless grind of keeping the family alive.

I come home from work every day and still have the time and energy to talk to my children and read to them and (when they were younger) play with them. We have the whole weekend together to do things in. They are getting infinitely more contact with their mother than my grandfather had with his.

I am currently on the brink of making a decision re going back to work and to be honest the decision is more about me than anyone else in the sense that;
I have family childcare so know my children are well looked after
I work 3 to 4 days a week so my job isnt exactly time demanding therefore I spend a reasonable amount of time with my children
However it is well paid and we would be making serious lifestyle compromises if I gave up.

The real pull with regards to giving up work is more the fact that I know my life and therefore family like would be a lot less stressful if I was at home. There would be less running and racing on my part and more relaxing strolls in the park etc.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that its the mother who tends to make most of the sacrifices and therefore most of us I think will make the choice to stay at home because it makes our lives less stressful.

I kind of agree with those who are saying that you notice what seems to apply to you more. That said, on balance I really think I see more anti woring mum stories/posts than anti SAHM. Not speaking specifically about MN here. Google it and you'll find a host of working mums are selfish and greedy, abandon their children to pursue a career, have obese children, have undisciplined/spoilt children, don't cook meals, nursery damages children etc. There is not the same amount of criticism of SAHM's. It is really hurtful sometimes, especially for those who don't want to work but have to. I go back (against my will but really need the money) next week and am trying to develop a thick skin. If I could be a SAHM I'd be too happy to care what people thought!

wood youre being obtuse,you didnt say not uk
was i expected to guess or know on a uk site that this village is not uk?

Er, if you had read my previous posts properly, I'd have thought that it was pretty obvious I wasn't talking about the uk. How many ultra-traditional peasant farming communities do you know of in this country?

Sorry, but I don't think I'm the one being obtuse.

Nursery doesn't damage children. Stressed, unhappy parents might though.

and on a thread discussing predominately uk experience of sahm.its a bit strange to rock up about a village ,make comparison between then and now.and omit to say village not actually in uk. and people use hyperboleon mn all time.thought you were bigging up

at no point did you make explicit,in thread discussing predominately uk experience of uk sahm,youd make a comparison of an overseas community. so yes obtuse

SM, we were talking about pre-industrial societies, and we had earlier been talking about hunter gatherer societies, not restricted to the uk only. I drew the comparison between my DH's peasant community and those traditional societies.

Having read my posts back, I fail to see how you couldn't have realised that I was referring to a community outside the uk, if you actually read them properly - if not from the first post, then surely from the ones that followed. But I suspect that you had pre-judged and so you skim-read, hence totally missing the point.

Anyway, the bottom line is that I actually agree with you on the main topic. I don't think that the traditional family did include the SAHM, and this is only the luxurious invention of a pampered generation. Again, that's not to say that it's wrong, merely that it shouldn't be presented as somehow being what nature always intended.

nope on a thread discussing uk sahm and uk industrialisation.you didnt pipe up and say actually the example is non uk.purposefully obtuse by not clarifying,allowing discussion based upon uk experience and discussion of uk legislation (factory act etc)

to then have a ta-dah,oh duh i didnt mean uk....so any counter argument void

I think it was abundantly clear from my posts, talked about communities in many parts of the world etc. But if I didn't spell it out quite clearly enough for you, then I'm sorry.

well obviously i didnt get it seeing im bumming on about uk

Portofino: What a load of horse manure! "Nursery doesn't damage children. Stessed, unhappy parents might though". 10 years from now, baby farming will have hit the headlines bigtime as a disaster. I'm not advocating stressed, unhappy parents but, blimey, nursery ratios simply can't - no matter how caring the staff - replace parents. Unless the parents are criminal, nursery is a joke replacement and any parent who says 'my child thrives in nursery' is one who has never had them at home for any length of time. Parents, stop abdicating responsibilty - between you, reject the baby farms and raise your children yourself.

Joannieb, what nonsense! I never used nursery as childcare, though dd did use her free hours from age 3, because we felt that she would benefit from it

But I know plenty of other kids who were cared for in nurseries from a very young age, and often for long hours/5 days a week. They are all healthy, happy, well adjusted kids who are doing well at school. Sure, nursery may not be the right environment for all kids and it isn't what I chose for my dd but there is no clear evidence that it does any damage, and some studies show that there are positive advantages.

As for the term "baby farming", just fuck off will you?

like baby farm,like precious moments, gives me measure of person
if you are blinkered enough to wring hands about nurseries and precious moments then pejorative terms will trip right off your tongue

there is no substantiate evidence or research that nursery is bad
only the biddulph tamborine and oj

It doesn't bother me on Mumsnet, but I have a facebook friend who is a professor and her husband is a Dr finishing his residency. They have two homes and a 520 mile commute between them because of their different job locations, and a one year old. Fair play to her - she works her arse off way harder than I would ever want to, but I hate all the smug 'yay me doing it all!' attitude she has in every pro-working Mom update she posts. I try to just see it as her feeling a need to justify her choices and validate taking her baby on two hour commutes twice a day. I like to think neither of us is jealous of the other one - but I do get a pang of anger when she posts 'how does a SAHM cope with the boredom and mundanity?'

if youre secure in your choice why so bothered what your pals posts?everyone bigs it up on fb frankly.its crow towers

I am not a stay at home Mom by choice exactly - I am not legally allowed to work in this country. It would actually be really beneficial to us if I could work...

joannieb
Parents, stop abdicating responsibilty - between you, reject the baby farms and raise your children yourself.
Oh joannieb, you are so simplistic.
between you between who? To imagine everyone has a support network is very narrow minded.

What a completely pointless thread. Surely everyone does what is best for their circumstances and their families?

If you want to stay at home, and you can, be my guest.

If you want to work full or part time, good for you.

What the fuck has it got to do with anyone outside of your own family? It's nobody elses business and no-one has the right to pass judgement.

Joannieb- you are clearly a total loon. Why on earth would you post such tripe unless you were a troll? Why don't you take your judgemental, self righteous little self back to where you came from?

Nursery damaged my child. Physically and emotionally. I am fed up of the young twenty something's in charge of vulnerable children . Pay people peanuts and you hire monkeys . I am amazed at how much happier our DS is since I finished work . Developmentally he has made leaps and bounds .

Wondering what the point of talking about what women used to do and how terribly we used to treat children is relevant.

Sillyoldelf.. The nursery you chose for your DC may not have been a particularly good one.
A bit more research would have found you a fantastic nursery with a mix of older, younger, experienced, less experienced staff...
Don't talk down all nurseries just because you chose one that wasn't that great.

Kittyfane - don't you dare judge that I didn't put in research into a finding a nursery for my son . It's the best in our area with an outstanding Ofsted all round. I put plenty of research in and you clearly just have issues because you put your child in nursery .