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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want family here on DATE NIGHT?

115 replies

ElizabethDarcy · 21/09/2011 11:58

DH and I have been looking forward to a date night for ages... theatre, dinner, which will lead onto a treat from DH when we get home (said treat not told to sister, but it's a sexy massage), next morning is Sunday and we want to sleep in (for a change... usually go to church). So we are really looking forward to Sat night :)

Cue sister... had some tears, rowed with housemate, crying on the phone, then texts me a looong text re how her house share wants to have friends over on Sat and as she has rowed with housemate she doesn't want to be there and can she come to us that night? She is aware we will out, but 'she doesn't mind being on her own, she will just chill at ours.. and sleep over'.

I love her and feel for her... but this is the ONE night that we want for US. She often stays over, which is fine, and we seldom say no to her. But it has put me in an awkward position. DH not keen to have her here, but he is a thoughtful man and her being single is a card often played, and he doesn't want ructions btwn us.

If she did stay, there goes our romance out the window and we'll have to get up early in the am (she will stay for the day then too, unwritten, she often does this).. and I'll have to listen to her moans (yet again)... when honestly, all I want is a relaxing, romantic Sat night and Sunday with my DH. And I am tiptoeing around my sister.... can she honestly not realise that our date doesn't end the minute we leave the theatre..??? That it might continue at home???

OP posts:
Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 21/09/2011 13:37

It's a special night as he has arranged theatre and dinner out etc.

I love playing scrabble!!! BlushWink

OP posts:
Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 21/09/2011 13:38

Out with sis Friday night, DH Saturday night.

OP posts:
Badtasteflump · 21/09/2011 14:10

So is that the same 'sis' who wants to stay Saturday? Surely if you're devoting an evening to her Friday, she can live without you the next day?

whatmeworry you just made me feel a bit queasy.

Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 21/09/2011 14:24

Yes, same sis...

'whatmeworry you just made me feel a bit queasy.' Me too!!! Shock

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 21/09/2011 14:31

I cant think of anything more offputting than planning a sex session with such military precision in advance..

And why would anyone with no children need a "date night" (godawful phrase as well!)

Go to the theatre, let her stay in the house and watch tv, come home, go to bed, have a shag (do it quietly).. and even a massage isnt going to be noisy is it?

DandyLioness · 21/09/2011 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 21/09/2011 14:34

Plan:
Theatre
Dinner
"Sexy Massage"

Reality:
Theatre
One of you drinks too much at dinner
Row
Ignore each other in taxi home
Drain what's left of cheap white wine that's been sat in fridge for week
Throw up
DH sleeps on sofa

I'd just say yes to your sister to be honest Grin

WilsonFrickett · 21/09/2011 14:36

Nope, sorry. You don't get to do planned sex if you have no DCs.

Oh yeah and - ick. Grin

Hullygully · 21/09/2011 14:39

Just tell her you want the house to yourselves. You don't have to say more than that.

And have a lovely time.

squeakytoy · 21/09/2011 14:41

Grin @ dickie

How true is that...

I remember going out for a meal with husband a few years ago... not too far from home... I was all dressed up, stocking, stilettoes...

It was all going so well.... until we decided to walk home.. my feet hurt, so I walked barefoot.. stockings were shredded to buggery by the time we got home, it had started to rain mid-walk, he speeds up, I cant keep up, so I am fuming at him, so we both looked like drowned rats.. all I wanted was a cup of tea and bed.. (to sleep!).

picnicbasketcase · 21/09/2011 14:44

'You can't come round because we will be gettin' it AWWNN'.

There you go.

RedBlanket · 21/09/2011 14:47

Dickie - sounds familiar.
If you have no DCs you can have 'sexy massage' whenever.

picnicbasketcase · 21/09/2011 14:51

Actually yes, that's a good point. Why on earth do you need to plan it in advance if you have no children? It's when you're too knackered at night and have one at school all day and one only at school for half of the day and you have only a two hour window to fit any fun in that you need to plan it with military precision.

Do his sexy massagin' hands only work on a Friday night after watching a play?

justcallmemummypig · 21/09/2011 14:53

if you don't have kids whats the problem surely you and dh have every night together.

If you had kids i would say YANBU my god i would love a night alone with my husband have had about 3 in the last 6.5 yrs.

ThePumpkinKing · 21/09/2011 14:57

Did I read that right? Your flatsharing, falling-out with friends, sister is 40?

And are you really going to be able to shoe horn her out of the door when you get in? She might want to discuss the merits of the play you've just seen, or be expecting a doggy-bag.

Or be pissed as a newt and unable to move from your bed, where she has been hiding out to watch rubbish TV with a tub of melting Ben & Jerrys and a bucket of wine....

bonkers20 · 21/09/2011 15:02

I don't get "this is ONE night we want for US". What do you do all the other nights?

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 21/09/2011 15:05

Oh! I've only just picked up that OP has no DC.

Well this is fecking bonkers then isn't it. A "sexy massage" does not need to be scheduled on a Friday night post theatre and dinner.

What you are having is not a "date night". What you are doing is "going to the theatre and then on for something to eat" aka "going out for the night".

Therefore you can tell you sister that you're out for the night, planning Sunday morning lie-in, and you'd rather have the house to light patchouli candles, open the chocolate scented body oil and tell him he's your fluffywuffylovestallion yourself. Job done.

Dozer · 21/09/2011 15:08

Maybe the OP and her DH are the type that enjoy anticipation.

Enhanced by MN.

DontTellAnyonebut · 21/09/2011 15:11

YABU, You don't have kids, you can have your massage sat morning.

Tell her to go to church by herself on Sunday and that you're having a lie in, and maybe have another hot shag then.

Original poster
ElizabethDarcy · 21/09/2011 15:12

Just a quick response (cooking!) to the 'planned rendezvous'... the ONLY planned thing is the theatre and dinner... we had regimental sex for many years trying to have a child... and that's a big no no for us now... we just want the place to ourselves, and not have her that night... she is often here.

OP posts:
GenevieveHawkings · 21/09/2011 15:13

"Date night"...? Please.

YABU - be there for your family and friends when they need you. If you purport to be a Christian then isn't this what you should do?

You can go to the theatre/shag anytime.

Hullygully · 21/09/2011 15:13

None of this is the point.

What is all this pious jealous shit about well, if you haven't got kids..?

It's irrelevant. Any time it's inconvenient for you, you are at liberty to say so.

diddl · 21/09/2011 15:16

"YABU - be there for your family and friends when they need you"

But does her sister really need her or just fancy being at OPs rather than at her place when her housemate is having friend´s round?

If she needed OP, surely she wouldn´t want to sot there whilst OP was out?

ENormaSnob · 21/09/2011 15:16

Yanbu

sorry sis, planning on riding dh like a racehourse the minute we get home. You being downstairs will not enhance the moment iyswim

halcyondays · 21/09/2011 15:17

Yab a bit u. From your first post I assumed you had dc who were staying overnight with someone else and that this happened very very rarely. In which case the time alone together would be very precious. Even if you are busy with work, if you don't have kids, then this can't possibly be your only chance to have time as a couple. I'd give anything to have someone take our dc overnight, but it's never going to happen.

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