To think sod it, and just, let my 15yo become a couch potato??!!

[Saggyoldclothcatpuss]

im at the end of my tether! He won't eat veg. He won't eat salad. He won't eat fish. He won't eat chicken unless it's coated in breadcrumbs. He doesn't like rice much. His attitude sucks. He does sod all, he wants this or that, but doesn't even attempt to get a job. If I suggest that he might eat a carrot, or wash the dishes, he throws a wobbly. I've just dragged my knackered self into town and bought him hiking trousers, to wear with the walking boots I bought him last month, when he goes on the scout hike on Saturday, that I paid for. I asked him to eat a little coleslaw, or he won't be getting the chocolate that his gran sent over. Apparently I'm a selfish cow, who feeds him shit, and does bugger all. I'm so fucking cross, I could scream! Or beat the crap out of the little shit!

Mmmm I love Tunnocks teacakes ... Couldn't manage 16 though, hats of to him!!!!

actually OP he would survive solely on pizza. and more than likely he would get bored of it if leftto his own devices and start making himself other things to eat. i am speaking as someone who ate nothing but rice crispies and chocolate until the age of about 10. no fruit and no veg. infact i still dont eat any fruit and only eat veg that is mixed in with other stuff, like stew and bolognaise. i am quite healthy, apart from pregnancy and childbirth i never need to see the GP/be in hospital.

his atitude towards you is absoloutely unacceptable but dont make the food thing an issue. make dinner as normal and if he refuses to eat it then that's up to him. dont buy pizzas if you dont want him eating it. he will son be hungry enough to make a sandwich and if he really wants pizza then he will can do some chores round the house to earn pocket money.

You shouldnt have to clear up after meals by yourself. DD has to dry up while i wash.

Simple rules that involve helping each other out in the family. Your DS at 15 should be doing some man jobs around the house. ( dont give a shit if that sounds sexist) Cutting the grass, washing the car.

I agree with involving him in cooking. Make a chilli from scratch with him. Empowering him with skills builds his self esteem.

I'm going to bed, coz i'm starting to sound preachy......

Would you rather I just let him eat a family pack of chocolate for dinner then?

Nope, just let him go hungry if he wont eat the decent food that you have bought and cooked for everyone. He wont starve.

What will he be eating at his scout thing? I doubt they will provide him with chocolate and pizza.. so he will have to eat what everyone else eats, or starve. I would bet he doesnt starve.

cat64 I wish you wouldn't talk about Fabby like that. How would you like to come on here and see someone writing that about you? She has the right say what she thinks and she's made some very valid posts on many different topics.

I hate the snide bullying that goes on towards her. I've never seen anyone else being talked about like that. You speak as though she doesn't matter. She does. She's a regular here with different opinions to you, that's all.

Fair enough Imperial but in this case, and in a few others I've seen, her opinions are quite spitefully-worded and unhelpful. Nothing wrong with cat saying it's ok to ignore a post like that.

I agree with Imperial, leave off Fabby, I often disagree with her but she does get bullied a bit.

i've never seen any snide bullying towards fabby.

i have seen posters rolling their eyes and pointing out that she has given idiotic advice. but if you keep saying daft things on a public forum, you can hardly expect people not to say something. people get sick of reading it.

it just always seems that no matter what the topic, fabby's opinion has to be to the contrary or very extreme. as if it is just to get a reaction.

Couldn't agree more with cat64 and booyhoo

Fabby hasnt replied to my question on this thread about whether either of her children are married now or living with someone. That I suspect, will be when the problems of their upbringing kick in. Not many partners will be tolerant of someone who eats nothing but crap, or hasnt a clue how to cook or do any housework, as Fabby seems to have done everything for them so far in their lives.

Teens are very easy going usually when they are getting all their own way and nobody is making any demands on their time. It is only when they are expected to reasonably start to pull their weight a bit that many kick off.

I know I started to let it slip again with DD2 and I realised she was taking the piss stopped doing her ironing about 2 months ago and all of a sudden her washing has halved, she also helps around the house spontaneously without all the nagging. IMHO if you do everything for them you are not doing them any favours.

Bullying? Of Fabbychic? Bloody hell- words fail me! I suppose the way she deals with people might be a bit of a turn on to some, but most people just think that she's rude, ranting and wrong.

saggy - whatever else comes out of this, be very sure that nobody, but nobody has the right to use abusive language like that you or anybody else. You do not have to put up with it. You shouldn't have hit him- but you know that. You have to be the grown up- very calm and unemotional. There will be meals on the table, which he can eat if he wants, or not if he doesn't. lifts will be available, if he asks properly. Stuff will be bought, if he asks properly. No negotiation - don't get drawn in. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Could you make him responsible for cooking one family meal a week -on a budget. But help him; give him some ideas - spaghetti & meatballs, shepherds pie, even pizza if that's what he wants to do.

Maybe with a bit more responsibility he would step up to the mark. If he's not willing to play his part in family life then I think you should definitely stop doing everything for him. Mind you, he probably won't do it to your standards so you may have to give him a bit of leeway!

Saggyoldclothcatpuss
I am 100% with you...It is really tough,my son a year younger than yours, but he just wants TV, crap food, and my money!!!!
He got in a strop this evening, as he doesn't want to do his homework, chucked a book at one of my nice photo frames and smashed it! I told him he has to pay for it. If he doesn't replace it, I will deduct the money out of his pocket money.
I have to discipline him to a certain extent, kids need boundries, they need to know what is right and wrong!
I went to dinner with some people last week, one of the men said, " won't eat any veg, or fruit, hate it" made him look like a complete w..... another man said "come on boys, let's leave the ladies to the dishes" another w.....
I love my son, generally he's a nice, but moody kid, I don't want people in years to come thinking he is a w..... I would feel I had failed at my job to bring him up the best way.
Do what you have to do, you are his Mum, he should have some respect for all that you do for him.

Saggy - Want to swap teenagers? My DD will eat almost anything that is put in front of her (except peas and spinach), but has the attitude of 20 teenagers - much worse than your ds's attitude!

You can have a bloody minded, obstinate, moody, rude, sweary, screamy, punching holes in walls teen that will eat what is in front of her (and maybe get her to lose the 'tude)...

And I can have your DS who is god-awful with food (he wouldn't last 5 mins here - chips in once a week ONLY, fresh cooked meals with veg all 6 of the other days - if they don't eat their veg and protein off the plate, they get NOTHING else till breakfast ), but is not as house-damaging as DD!

In all seriousness - I disagree with Fabby here, why should he use extra electric he's not paying for to cook himself something else - and WHY shouldn't he eat what is being dished up to everybody else?

Saggy - I second third the advice to ask over in teenagers.

I think the key words for me on this thread were when OP said 'he gets what he wants and when he doesn't he has a tantrum'. That line is often in threads with difficult DC behaviour.

Don't ever think giving a child whatever they want will get you appreciation in return. Less is more with getting thier own way. Boundaries and consistency are they key.

When you lose your rag, you have lost that argument - start again next day OP. Have you considered a parenting course? Some won't entertain the thought as they think is too late for teenagers or a slight on their own skills. But even the BEST parent can learn something and if you want things to change then you're already not the worst parent - you'll be somehwere in between like all of us.

I think you can do one of two things - Fabby's own odd brand of permissive parenting, give up on salad and leave him alone or you can expect respect and start to treat him with some too. By that I mean- it is not respectful to withold his chocolate or demand he eats something, it is reasonable to say this is your dinner eat it or don't.

To be honest If he won't eat what you cook then he should get a bloody job and he can buy his won shopping to be honest your being very soft

In my view swearing at you = staying in and mobile taken off him and computer cut off till he learned some respect

Saggy why not take it back to basics with him?

1)cook one family meal, if he doesnt eat it, tough.
2)provide essentials for him, eg, toiletries, busfare for school, and then give him pocket money for everything else....sometimes getting everything you want leads to expecting everything you want
3)don't keep chocolate/crisps in the house...if he wants it, he takes himself off to the shop and buys it.
4)don't 'ferry' the kids places. Use and paying for public transport will help increase their independance, timekeeping and organiational skills. Unless you are going there yourself, or its too late for public transport, they sort it themselves.

You;d have to do this for all your kids, in order for it to seem like he' not being picked on, but will give him a bit more control and independence in his life.

Think he' probably too young for a job that is anything other than paper round, so maybe just emphasise that the summer after GCSE's the pocket money will be stopping as he'll be legally able to start even a part time job?

Alternative piece of advice alert!

Bought this for 15 year old nephew who was being a right arse about food.

Now training to be a chef.

More ways than one to skin a cat and all that...