To think sod it, and just, let my 15yo become a couch potato??!!

[Saggyoldclothcatpuss]

im at the end of my tether! He won't eat veg. He won't eat salad. He won't eat fish. He won't eat chicken unless it's coated in breadcrumbs. He doesn't like rice much. His attitude sucks. He does sod all, he wants this or that, but doesn't even attempt to get a job. If I suggest that he might eat a carrot, or wash the dishes, he throws a wobbly. I've just dragged my knackered self into town and bought him hiking trousers, to wear with the walking boots I bought him last month, when he goes on the scout hike on Saturday, that I paid for. I asked him to eat a little coleslaw, or he won't be getting the chocolate that his gran sent over. Apparently I'm a selfish cow, who feeds him shit, and does bugger all. I'm so fucking cross, I could scream! Or beat the crap out of the little shit!

Ok. so i just dish up pizza, every day?

At 15 he is old enough to cook his own food. Tell him to earn some money, and buy his own food if he doesnt like what you cook.

Or give him his child benefit money, and tell him to provide for himself out of that.

I dont often give him veg. I dont bother.

DD2 was a bit like this a few years back so younger than your DS she's 16 in a couple of weeks she stopped getting everything unless it was a necessity, she had 2 warnings with bedroom being covered in crap and was told everything on floor would be in black bag it happened she soon bucked her ideas up. Food was more a problem as she became a vegetarian at 11/12 gradually dropping foods from her diet massive fights over even eating so can't advise. Language towards me was appalling and I used to have blazing arguments over it but she has come good now.I think boys mature later so the problems happen later than with girls.

If he doesn't like it he won't eat it, he's old enough to know what makes him gag.

To a lot of people Coleslaw is rank, you may as well have said "Eat this sick"... I think you were being unfair actually, and are beginning to remind me of a well known pink floyd song, and a scottish headmaster.

Meh, well, I suppose your attitude would be character building.

Seriously, did he tell you to fuck BEFORE you demanded he eat cole-blurgh-slaw? Or after?

I just told him that if he didnt eat some, he wouldnt be getting chocolate.

That is the sort of conversation you have with a 5yo, not a 15yo.. his attitude is dreadful, but it does sound like you baby him a lot too which may be fuelling the situation.

Agree with squeakytoy.... if he wants to eat nowt but pizza, tell him he has to pay for it out of his allowance/wages. You keep serving up basic veg (no more bloody coleslaw) and basic healthy food..... don't be too fancy, seriously, coleslaw is a lot of nice ingredients turned into vomit before it even hits the digestive tract.

Poor Saggy

Ok, you need to have a calm chat with him and agree some ground rules re behaviour and language. His is totally unacceptable.

Food: Will he eat ANY veg? eg mashed up into a pasta sauce? Or fruit?
Fruit juice? Vitamin tabs?

And no, of course don't give up, you'd only hate yourself..

I didnt demand anything. His tantrum began when I wouldnt let him switch the tv over from what the rest of the family was watching, to his programme, prompting a 3 hour marathon of sky + holby city, whilst using my laptop, eating his dinner with his fingers, sitting on the sweat stained corner of the sofa where he spends his whole life. I said that he wouldnt be getting the family pack of dairy milk to eat in one go, unless he even attempted to eat the food that he has eaten many times before, and which I spent time preparing, only to be told it was vomit.

Honestly you are talking to him like a baby- if he doesn't eat carrot/coleslaw you won't give him chocolate????? It's insane. On the one hand you want him to grow up and get a job and on the other you treat him like a child.

IMO he is the perfect age to get a little Saturday job, nothing too stressful but enough to give him a chance of some independence and respect for money. However I think you are fighting a losing battle with the food issue- how long has it been like this? Because if your tactics haven't worked for 15 years why would they magically start now? Did you force him to eat veg as a child?

And, I dont care what anybody says, I will not allow him to live on pizza, wether he pays for it or not. I want a son, not a 17 stone cardiac victim.

As a child, he ate everything I served up. Would you rather I just let him eat a family pack of chocolate for dinner then?

Quite right Saggy, DS now 17 never used to eat many foods but he ate loads of chicken and fruit, so we never really worried to much no-one can live on a diet of crap.

what maryz said

really

go go

Thanks.

You sound stressed, but i hope posting about it makes you feel better.

Try to forget what's gone before. Write him a letter, say whatever you can that's positive about him, tell him your concerns, admit you shouldn't have slapped him, state that things aren't working between you and you'd like to talk about it.

You need to start treating him as an adult, and he should return this new status by behaving sensibly towards you. He needs to be able to stand on his own soon when he leaves home. So he could be buying his own kit and taking responsibility for what he chooses to eat. Cook good basic food, and if he wants to spend his own money on junk, let him. Don't clean his room, tell him you expect him to do it himself, he needs to learn all the skills he needs to look after himself one day soon.

Make room in your life for your own interests, it will immunize you against getting all this out of perspective.

Flippin' heck. I was a horrible teenager but I knew where the line was. If DS ever spoke to me like that he would be living off CB.

I don't think you're unreasonable to expect him to engage with the rest of the family and to eat at least a portion of what everyone else is eating, especially if he's had it before.

I'm a bit shocked to know what to say really but if he is that rubbish at eating decently then he could do with a weekly food budget and planning, shopping for and preparing his own meals. See how quickly he gets sick of pizza (could be a few weeks!).

Where is your DH in all this?

1. Don't let him use abusive language towards you.
2. Use up all the pizza etc and don't buy more. Serve up meals-if he doesn't eat them don't do alternatives or snacks-let him buy his own.

3.I would give him an allowance but it is dependant on certain jobs being done around the house.

1. Don't make the allowance too big so that he sees the advantage of earning some money outside the home.

If this is a regular issue then why would you buy a family pack of chocolate? And then use it as a bargaining tool for him to eat his dinner? Hardly promotes healthy eating does it.

He's 15, you can't control him. The more you try the more he will rebel.

Have you tried getting him involved in cooking? Perhaps let him cook the family meal one day a week, by cook I mean from scratch not a ready meal/pizza etc. Pizza is ok as is chocolate, but not every day. Do you do a weekly meal planner? Maybe give him a chance to have some input with the menu. I wish my own mum had done this with me- I have been left with serious food issues due to my mothers controlling of food.

The way he speaks to you is another matter- but I think the lack of respect is mutual between you at the moment!

You poor thing

Just dish up whatever you normally cook and if he doesn't eat it then he goes hungry. I am sorry, but he cannot treat you like that. Or how about you all choose one meal each that is cooked throughout the week, that way everyone gets something they like?

I asked ds what he had for lunch today (they're in 6th form so can go into town).

16, yes, 16 Tunnocks teacakes and a family bag of Doritos.

Agree with Maryz, and a 15 yr old boy can have an awful lot in common with a 5yr old! He's not an adult.

Dont buy pizza. Have it as a treat.

You just have to be cruel to be kind. Ever seen that programme where the kids are sent to live with the strictest parents ever? Tough love! And they totally love the strict parent at the end because the strict parent teaches them self respect and about caring for others.

Write some bleedin rules, grow some balls and do your job as a parent. Be bloody strong!!