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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my neighbour to fuck off and mind her own business?

107 replies

QuietTiger · 15/09/2011 12:04

Long story short, I am 8 weeks pregnant - a very much planned and long awaited pregnancy, following a lot of heartache last year when it was thought I had ovarian cancer. DH and I are over the moon about the pregnancy.

DH is a farmer and logically, as a result, I live on a large farm in a rural village. I have 9 rescue cats (4 of whom are very shy/feral), as well as 4 dogs, several horses, a pig, sheep and chickens as well as over 100 cows. (This is relevant).

My neighbour, a retired kidney transplant surgeon, knows about my pregnancy, as she was the one to give advice over the ovarian cancer issue and when I got the BFP, I rang her to let her know the good news.

She has, however, taken it upon herself to give me pregnancy advice. I'm pretty much of the opinion that everyone is going to give me advice about the pregnancy as they learn about it and I can just keep the advice I want and let it the rest wash over me.

My neighbour doesn't like cats. She doesn't hate them, but to her, they should live outside and "know their place". My cats certainly DON'T "know their place" and rule my house with iron paws. Grin DH and I have agreed that when the baby arrives, we will keep the cats out of the babies room and will take precautions with cot nets etc. As far as I am concerned, DH and I have it covered. The cats are staying, and we will not disrupt their lives anymore than we have to with the arrival of the baby. We're obviously going to use common sense, but this is their home too.

This isn't good enough for my neighbour. The first time she "popped over for a chat", she sat on my sofa and told me "I must get rid of the cats, it's worth getting rid of them for a baby". I was polite (i didn't want to offend) and said it was something DH and I would think about for about 10 seconds before I said no fucking way, to DH

The second time (last week), she "popped over for coffee" and sat on my sofa and said "shall I call the shelter so you can get the cats rehomed, I'll do it now if you want". no, you stupid bitch, if I want to rehome my cats, which I don't, I'll use my own extensive rescue contacts thanks very much I again was polite (small village, very few people) and said that at the moment, DH and I were happy to keep the cats while we assessed things.

Yesterday, she "popped in" again. This time she told me that she'd spoken "her friends who were vets" (yes, I know the vet, she is the daughter of another neighbour) who has agreed to PTS the 4 shy cats "to get them off my hands". I told her that I would deal with my own cats, thanks very much, and that I certainly wouldn't be murdering any. She then got huffy, called me unreasonable and informed me that a number of other people agreed with her. Hmm

I am now beyond livid. I want to tell her to fuck off, then fuck off some more now be blunt rather than polite. DH has advised that I tread carefully, because I live in Stepford the village is a small, tight community and I need to be tactful so that relationships aren't strained too much because she carries a lot of clout within the village. (Unfortunately he's right).

Quite apart from me, DH, the GP's (both mine and DH's parents) and my cats vet, are all in agreement that I am perfectly reasonable to keep my cats, providing we take precautions when LO arrives and make adaptations. (e.g. no cats in the babys room). I'm also experienced and trained in cat behaviour, so it's not as if I'm an "ignorant" pet owner.

DH does the litter boxes, I use latex gloves when doing anything remotely "animal care duties". (That includes cleaning out the chickens and ferret, and dog-poo patrol BTW - of which the neighbour has made absolutely no mention).

I know I'm not being unreasonable, my neighbour is, but how the hell do I tell her to fuck off mind her own business politely? I actually need help here!

OP posts:
QuietTiger · 19/09/2011 18:37

Another update:

It's miserable, wet and cold today, so DH lit the woodburner in the lounge. The cats love it and sprawl across the floor in front of it and all over the sofas.

The neighbour "popped around for a cuppa" and walked into the lounge to see 8 cats sprawled all over the furniture in various stages of sleep. None of them moved off the sofa as is correct and so she ended up sitting on a wooden chair. Grin

After DH's outburst, not a word has been said today about the cats going anywhere. It's as if nothing has happened. TBH, I can live with that & am happy to just be back to the status quo because she has not a hope in hell of me getting rid of them and she's a fucking loon for thinking so I think she's realised what a prat she made of herself, because she started stroking one of the cats and saying how nice he was.

We'll see. but my god I am on my guard with my babies

OP posts:
Vallhala · 19/09/2011 19:37

"she started stroking one of the cats and saying how nice he was."

I hope you disinfected your poor cat afterwards! :o

I think I'd be wanting to install CCTV around the house and garden... around the whole farm in fact... not that I'm prone to distrust and cynicism, oh no, not me!

:o

soggy14 · 19/09/2011 20:52

there is no problem with cats and babies - have 3 children and have always had several cats. Older children can (inadvertantly) hurt babies - is she suggesting that we all get rid of them?

Pussinbooties · 19/09/2011 21:17

Most farmers that I know keep cats to help control the vermin which you inevitably get on farm where any food is stored.
Personally I'd rather live with hundreds of cats than mice/rats they would do far more harm to your little one! She is bonkers!
All the best with your pregnancy too Smile

Pussinbooties · 19/09/2011 21:19

Oh and my cats were TERRIFIED of my babies Grin

hiddenhome · 19/09/2011 22:23

I had cats when I was pregnant. As long as you follow reasonable hygiene practices then you'll be fine.

My eldest cat used to babysit ds2 by sitting underneath his cot until he fell asleep each evening. She'd then come downstairs and let us know that he'd gone off okay.

Your neighbour sounds horrible tbh. I'd be really offended and angry if someone suggested I have my cats pts.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/09/2011 10:42

We had cats before we had any of the dses. As other people have said, I took care whilst I was pregnant, and didn't do their litter trays; and once the dses were born, I kept an eye on the dses and the cats, to see what the reaction would be, but never had a problem with them at all - and didn't need a cat net or anything like that. The worst that happened was when dh and ds1 were sitting on the floor, playing with the brio trains, and dcat1 came and nicked one of the trains!

Interestingly, the cats always seemed to know when I was pregnant, and especially the first time round, they seemed to decide that they were responsible for my safety, and should Keep An Eye on me, especially when I went upstairs. If I went to the loo, either one or both of them would escort me to the bathroom, sit and watch whilst I went, and then escort me back downstairs. With ds2 and ds3's pregnancies, they did relax the surveillance somewhat - maybe I'd proved I could be trusted to be careful!! Grin

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