To tell my neighbour to fuck off and mind her own business?

[QuietTiger]

Long story short, I am 8 weeks pregnant - a very much planned and long awaited pregnancy, following a lot of heartache last year when it was thought I had ovarian cancer. DH and I are over the moon about the pregnancy.

DH is a farmer and logically, as a result, I live on a large farm in a rural village. I have 9 rescue cats (4 of whom are very shy/feral), as well as 4 dogs, several horses, a pig, sheep and chickens as well as over 100 cows. (This is relevant).

My neighbour, a retired kidney transplant surgeon, knows about my pregnancy, as she was the one to give advice over the ovarian cancer issue and when I got the BFP, I rang her to let her know the good news.

She has, however, taken it upon herself to give me pregnancy advice. I'm pretty much of the opinion that everyone is going to give me advice about the pregnancy as they learn about it and I can just keep the advice I want and let it the rest wash over me.

My neighbour doesn't like cats. She doesn't hate them, but to her, they should live outside and "know their place". My cats certainly DON'T "know their place" and rule my house with iron paws. DH and I have agreed that when the baby arrives, we will keep the cats out of the babies room and will take precautions with cot nets etc. As far as I am concerned, DH and I have it covered. The cats are staying, and we will not disrupt their lives anymore than we have to with the arrival of the baby. We're obviously going to use common sense, but this is their home too.

This isn't good enough for my neighbour. The first time she "popped over for a chat", she sat on my sofa and told me "I must get rid of the cats, it's worth getting rid of them for a baby". I was polite (i didn't want to offend) and said it was something DH and I would think about for about 10 seconds before I said no fucking way, to DH

The second time (last week), she "popped over for coffee" and sat on my sofa and said "shall I call the shelter so you can get the cats rehomed, I'll do it now if you want". no, you stupid bitch, if I want to rehome my cats, which I don't, I'll use my own extensive rescue contacts thanks very much I again was polite (small village, very few people) and said that at the moment, DH and I were happy to keep the cats while we assessed things.

Yesterday, she "popped in" again. This time she told me that she'd spoken "her friends who were vets" (yes, I know the vet, she is the daughter of another neighbour) who has agreed to PTS the 4 shy cats "to get them off my hands". I told her that I would deal with my own cats, thanks very much, and that I certainly wouldn't be murdering any. She then got huffy, called me unreasonable and informed me that a number of other people agreed with her.

I am now beyond livid. I want to tell her to fuck off, then fuck off some more now be blunt rather than polite. DH has advised that I tread carefully, because I live in Stepford the village is a small, tight community and I need to be tactful so that relationships aren't strained too much because she carries a lot of clout within the village. (Unfortunately he's right).

Quite apart from me, DH, the GP's (both mine and DH's parents) and my cats vet, are all in agreement that I am perfectly reasonable to keep my cats, providing we take precautions when LO arrives and make adaptations. (e.g. no cats in the babys room). I'm also experienced and trained in cat behaviour, so it's not as if I'm an "ignorant" pet owner.

DH does the litter boxes, I use latex gloves when doing anything remotely "animal care duties". (That includes cleaning out the chickens and ferret, and dog-poo patrol BTW - of which the neighbour has made absolutely no mention).

I know I'm not being unreasonable, my neighbour is, but how the hell do I tell her to fuck off mind her own business politely? I actually need help here!

Practice your finest "Get Orf My Land"

If she carries weight in the village and people take her side, then you are better off without them and I would tell her to butt out. I have a cat and worried about doing her litter tray when I was pregnant but I had her tested and took all precautions, with DH doing more of the clearing up. I am fine, my babies are fine and my cat is still ruling the house .

FWIW she never went in the babies rooms except for one time and she kept out of their way only retaliating twice.

I'd probably go with what Blu and Lydia said. Or if you are over-endowed with patience, you could try the 'kill with kindness' route. Ask her why she is so worried about the cats, genuinely listen to her, and then kindly point out that she worries too much, the GP is happy with your cats, enquire whether she feels her past career in a very specialised field dealing with extreme conditions (lay it on thick here) might lead her to seeing unlikely scenarios to be more common than they really are etc etc.

I'd had my cats for eleven years before DS, it never even crossed my mind to get rid of them. I read up on the toxoplasmosis issue and reassured myself. I bought a cat net for the cot, which was then never used. The cats pretty much ignored him and vice versa.

And surely she's telling porkies about talking with vets? My vet was very informative and reassuring (and just a little bit resigned about the amount of misinformation out there).

I wouldn't get involved with explaining to her what precautions you are taking, it's none of her business. If you must be polite to someone who has arranged to kill several members of your family, just say:

"While I appreciate your concern, I think you are overstepping the mark here, and I think you should drop it."

Personally I would add:

"I will hold you personally responsible for any harm that comes to any of my cats and it will be revisited on you threefold". Just to make sure the cheeky bitch didn't take matters into her own hands. Then I would break her face

I wouldn't get involved with explaining to her what precautions you are taking, it's none of her business. If you must be polite to someone who has arranged to kill several members of your family, just say:

"While I appreciate your concern, I think you are overstepping the mark here, and I think you should drop it."

Personally I would add:

"I will hold you personally responsible for any harm that comes to any of my cats and it will be revisited on you threefold". Just to make sure the cheeky bitch didn't take matters into her own hands. Then I would break her face

Nevermind, I'm liking you muchly. :o

Your neighbour cares about you. Obviously she has a personal bias against cats that you, and I do not share. But in her own way she is trying to protect you. She is not mad or bad just seriously misguided.

I love cats, but there can be, as you are aware problems when cats and pregnancy and small children are mixed up together. You are going to take the appropriate action to avoid these problems. Over time she will see that your cats do not cause any problems.

Give your friend a chance, she has got it wrong but it does not sound to me that she is motivated by malice.

I wish you well with the pregnancy. (and the cats!)

Thank you all for the advice, folks! Much appreciated!! DH endured a 2 hour rant last night about the situation, which continued this morningand I think I will be taking the broken record approach of "thanks for your concern now fuck off we have it under control"...

DBF, she did actually say that. I just about managed to restrain myself from smacking her in the mouth, but my 15 year old cat did it for me - by spraying on her handbag!

Whereyouleftit - She's definitely not telling porkies, the vet in question is the daughter of the guy who lives opposite our house. Turns out that she'd told the vet that they were "manky ferals with FIV". (I know that because guy opposite asked DH this morning if his "farm cats" were sick - DH put him straight). My (specialist) cat vet has already said he'll help out with behavioural issues if I have them when LO arrives, so am not worried about the vet aspect.

Thanks folks!

Tell her you are getting sheep (remember being told to stay away from sheep at all costs when pregnant), it will take her mind off the cats

Your neighbour is being totally unreasonable - your pets = your choice.

However, please be careful. My ds was seriously ill 18 months ago from a form of toxoplasmosis known as 'cat scratch disease'. We have no idea how or when he was scratched as we don't have cats but there are a lot of feral ones around here.

Sorry to preach and I know you've said you will take precautions but this is my little soapbox subject.

"She is not mad or bad... "

Not much she ain't!

The woman made arrangements to have someone else's pets killed... and you're telling me that's neither mad nor bad, MissMap?

Words fail me!

cheekymonkey - I really like your train of thought!!

The sheep thing is common sense as there are a number of diseases in sheep that can transfer to humans and affect pregnant women (causing miscarriage), however, cats & toxoplasmosis, there is not the same risk apart from the baby growing up to think cat hair is a food-group

Maybe I should tell her we're going to get 200 pigs and we'll be putting them in a field opposite her house? that'll give her something to think about!

Mishap - I get where you're coming from, but as DBF said, she actually made arrangements to KILL 4 of MY cats on my behalf! That is NOT normal.

Maybe I'll tell her that my DBro knows 476 ways to kill someone and hide the body without people finding it and that he's very protective over my cats...

Ooh, I had cat scratch disease when I was about 4yo... it is treatable, at least.

I'd laugh in her face, OP, nicely hopefully,. but kind of like "Oh get off you, where'd you get the idea that my cats are any kind of problem? I love my cats, the vet says they're great and healthy, too. Now, do you want cake or chocolate biscuit with that cuppa?"

Id go for a nice as pie approach:

"Oh neighbour, I cant begin to tell you how lovely it is to have someone so concerned about my little bump. You are a treasure. But rest assured we have taken advice for our various GPs and the vet and we think baby will be fine with some basic precautions. But thank you for taking an interest! "

She is an absolute madzer. I would probably have punched her in the face if she had told me she had made arrangements to "PTS" (such a lovely term for murder) any of my animals.

Stand your ground, if you must remain polite for the "villagers" (do you live in Royston Vasey? ) then just keep repeating repeating REPEATING.

Stupid bitch (her, not you OP )

Huh! More like, "Now, do you want that cuppa in your face and more cat piss in your handbag or are you going to fuck the fuck off?".

wow. 9 cats and 4 dogs, all living inside with you, AND soon your new baby?

Is your home extremely filthy and covered in animal hair and "droppings" for your neighbour to take such interest in your animals and their welfare?

I understand why you want to keep it as civil as possible because you live in a tiny village and one day you might need her foe something.

But she is being offensive really. Tell her nicely but very firmly the cats are staying, end of story. Then change the subject.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I'm vet who has an interest in cats. Firstly Toxoplasmosis is not cat scratch diease Bartonella is. Toxoplasmosis can be caught from sheep as well as cat faeces and in particular from eating under cooked lamb. Again lots of doctors out there who have no idea what they are talking about.
All I advise my clients of is wear gloves when doing the litter tray. My cats rule my house, slept on my bed throughout pregnancy, slept on my bump too, the moment DD could roll over and abuse a cat beautiful moggy girl moved into her bed and has slept their for the last 7 years. The huge benefits to be gained from growing up with pets massively out weight the potential risks which can be well managed.

Do you live in Royston Vaisey?

oh dear

I had 6 cats when I had 1st DC - and yes, the cats did think I'd got them a new toy - they also liked the fact that I sat down a lot to BF so DCs usually were sharing a lap with at least one feline - one used to like sleeping at the foot of the cot too... and when DCs could walk this cat was to be found tucked up (asleep) in the toy pram being pushed around the garden.... I probably shouldn't mention the retriever who pretended it was a cat and got into the cot too should I? (twas a huge cot / bed thing) or the crawling baby testing that the dog food was OK for canine consumption?
thought not

yes there are risks - and you do what you can to keep them as small as possible - but gilbonzo's dc caught something and they don't have a cat! None of my DCs has ever been remotely ill due to any of the animals and they have been accidently scratched and bitten and stood on and pushed over... in fact they are very robust young adults now :)