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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To worry about content of 7yo DD's poem

32 replies

inmysparetime · 15/09/2011 11:13

DD wrote a poem at school.
"this is me this is my life singing and dancing all the time
If I could be a better girl it would be so great
If only I could change my looks I would be so happy
I look so silly I just want to change my looks
All my friends look really pretty but no not me"

She says it's pretend and she doesn't feel that way really, but should I bring this up with the school? It makes me feel really bad for her that these sentences were even in her head. She has never expressed these sentiments in conversation. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

OP posts:

auntmargaret · 15/09/2011 11:15

I would be worried about that.

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 15/09/2011 11:15

I would keep an eye on your DD. I have noticed that mine is taking more notice of what happens in the world of fashion etc and is influenced a little by tv/magazines etc.

Dont make a huge issue out of one poem though.

SnakeOnCrack · 15/09/2011 11:15

Aw, I can see why you might be worried. Yes it might be a good idea to talk to her teacher. It could be that she's heard other people saying something of this sort and so has written about it (without actually feeling it herself) or has just made it up.

If you say she's otherwise happy and not self conscious then I would try not to worry TOO much.

ExitPursuedByaBear · 15/09/2011 11:17

I shouldn't worry too much - I have a poem somewhere written by my DD at a similar age that said something about being dead . She is fine.

Insomnia11 · 15/09/2011 11:27

I remember feeling sad at about the same age as my friend had beautiful light blonde, thick, shiny, straight hair and mine was wavy, brown, prone to matting and not very shiny. Also felt self-conscious as I was taller than everyone and (to me it seemed) rather more heavily made and solid. I don't think it's a new phenomenon.

I wouldn't bring it up with the school, just keep talking to your daughter, let her know you love her and boost her self-esteem as much as possible. I think if parents can do this kids will always be strong at the core no matter what negative things others say or to which they are exposed.

minimisschief · 15/09/2011 11:28

Poems that do not rhyme well irk me. I know they do not have too but i do not see the point otherwise lol.

oh and i am sure your dd is fine. my little brother when he was 8 did one about killing people. There probably aren't any mounds in his garden....i hope :O

Original poster

inmysparetime · 15/09/2011 11:40

Minimischief, if it helps, the first line of the poem was repeated after each subsequent line, so it did sort of rhyme. I just saw no need to type it out lots of times as it didn't add to the meaning of the post.

OP posts:

ExitPursuedByaBear · 15/09/2011 11:41

Some of the best poems ever written do not rhyme.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 15/09/2011 11:44

I wouldnt worry too much esp if she says she is pretending, kids come out with the strangest things - but do keep an eye on it in case she is having confidence issues.

My DS often goes on about how ugly he is, how thick he is but he means it. The fact that he is beautiful (he really is, I am not being biased ) and I am always praising him for how clever he is (he struggles at school but tries his hardest) and I just dont know where he gets it from. He has always had low self esteem but I am hoping as he gets older this will be less of an issue.

Insomnia11 · 15/09/2011 11:52

Some of the best poems ever written do not rhyme

Quite.

I'm sure DS has an inner confidence Betty if you keep boosting him up. Mum was always telling me I was beautiful (she still does) and I would think "Yeah right mum, you would say that", but a little bit does get absorbed each time.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 15/09/2011 11:56

Insomnia...i tell him ALL the time and I mean all the time, lol. He is a beautiful little soul inside and out and I have no idea why he feels this way! He's the same as you, he sort as look at me as if I am mad so yeah, hopefully he is taking it in and one day will be a big headmore confident!

MumblingRagDoll · 15/09/2011 12:00

I don't think school have anything to do with it...you need to tckle this from home. I would worry....I would begin to watch her carefully tbh.

MumblingRagDoll · 15/09/2011 12:02

mini wtf are you talking about??? The OP did NOT ask for a critique of the poem.

Original poster

inmysparetime · 15/09/2011 12:11

I already tell her how beautiful, clever and helpful she is, and she gets a lot of praise for her work at school. I never thought I would have to deal with body image issues so young though. She must be getting those messages from somewhere, I would suppose school or friends locally. It's just so out of character as her poems are usually cheerful and full of fairies and rainbows. How did this darker side of her prose go unnoticed?

OP posts:

DandyLioness · 15/09/2011 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

inmysparetime · 21/09/2011 10:40

I talked to her, and she says she feels fine about how she looks, but then she came up to me this morning and said she wanted her hair cut short, so it's like the cool girls.

OP posts:

aldiwhore · 21/09/2011 11:04

I used to write some pretty dark, brooding poetry as a young kid and I'm sure it caused my mum some concern... but I wasn't a dark brooding child, and they were more rants and moans that actually serious worries to me.

I think I can remember lines like 'my clothes are a pretty table cloth thrown over an ugly table' and 'I don't like being fat' (I wasn't at 8, that came later!).

I'm sure the issues in her poem are firmly lodged in your mind, keep them there, it may be that she has low esteem, it may just be a rant of envy... if a pattern emerges, if these issues crop up time and time again and the jigsaw worries you, then you do need to broach it, but in itself, I wouldn't over worry about this poem, or force an issue. YANBU though.

AChickenCalledKorma · 21/09/2011 11:09

I would be a bit concerned, but I wouldn't make a big deal of it. But take every opportunity to build up her self-esteem. And do anything can to get across the idea that "beauty" and "happiness" are not the same thing.

Or at least that's what I'm trying to do with my funny, witty, clever 6yo who thinks she's fat and no-one understands her

porcamiseria · 21/09/2011 11:38

aww, its a bitch growing up

only advice is to help her look nice within the boundaries of whats age appropriate, and boos her self esteem

ie dont give her a fucking BOWL cut and gross t bars shoes like my Mum did foe me (god love her, it was the 70s....)

Proudnscary · 21/09/2011 11:45

I would be very worried, because of her age.

A teen, not so much.

Seven years old (I have a 7 year old dd) - very much.

I would make an app with her teacher and I would check in with her regularly about her feelings and reinforce how wonderful, unique, clever she is.

Olifin · 21/09/2011 12:04

I'm generally not very keen on poems that rhyme perfectly. When I was about 9, we were asked by our teacher to write a poem. When I asked if it had to rhyme, she snorted and barked: 'of course it has to rhyme'. Everyone in my class pointed and laughed. I'm still a bit cross about that.

And anyway, why would anyone criticise the artistic merits of a 7 year-old's poem? (I'm looking at you mini!)

But sorry OP, yes, I'd probably be a bit concerned but not sure I'd know what to do about it. It must be very hard to get girls to ignore the massive obsession our society has with appearance (particularly female appearance).

crystalglasses · 21/09/2011 12:10

She's very young to be wrign about this. however at least she is voicing her negative thoughts about herself rather than bottling them up.

crystalglasses · 21/09/2011 12:10

sorry - writing

whatdoiknowanyway · 21/09/2011 12:44

My DD had terrible issues with self confidence when aged 5-7 to the extent that she would cry if I said she was beautiful or clever because to her she so obviously wasn't and she couldn't understand why I was lying to her.

She is lovely looking, got loads of A* and A grades at GCSE and at the time was at the top of her class.

We eventually took her to an educational psychologist who identified some issues relating to bereavement which could help us to understand a little why she was feeling that way.

Most usefully she gave us some games to play eg we had to go round the family each taking it in turns to say something good about the next person. It took a while but gradually she began to accept that we were telling the truth.

CoteDAzur · 21/09/2011 12:50

How do you dress her? At her age, whether or not a girl is beautiful or "looks silly" depends on her clothes ime. Colorful dresses, preferably with flower prints = beautiful girl

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