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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Private companies running classes in state schools, DD can't go because we are poor, AIBU to complain??

748 replies

PollyPeppa · 15/09/2011 10:26

We are below the poverty line as we have 3 DC's and DH and I are full time uni students. We worked in low paid jobs and decided enough was enough and are now hoping to get better ones after university.

DD's school had just started up after school Spanish club. We sent her along to the trial session and she loved it. We had foolishly assumed there would be a concessionary rate (as there usually is with after school clubs) but there is not as it is run by a private company so we can't afford for her to go again.

I feel this is very unfair to offer this as only children whose parents can afford to send them can go, I think it creates a divide in the 'state' system.

OP posts:
WeShouldOpenABar · 15/09/2011 11:27

You think its sick to teach children lifes not fair?!?

kat2504 · 15/09/2011 11:27

Why would you feel sick reading a post about not letting a child have everything they ask for and asking them to restrict it to a manageable amount? Or is it a different post you are referring to?
People all have different amounts of money. Not everyone can afford horseriding and ponies. Some can, but most of us can't.
Expecting a child to be grateful for what they can have is hardly awful is it?

This is all a big fuss over nothing.

chill1243 · 15/09/2011 11:32

Anything that livens up apathy over education is not a waste of time. Ask Toby Young.

Cretaceous · 15/09/2011 11:33

Surely LtEveDallas can have a point of view. Confused It's not my point of view re equality, but she does have a point re affordability.

There's lots we can't afford, but I always say to my DC to compare themselves to those who have little rather than those who have a lot. That way, they'll be grateful and happy like me. Smile

If there is usually a concessionary rate, you are very lucky.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 15/09/2011 11:36

The company wont be getting rent any cheaper just because they are holding it in a school. I run an aerobic class in a school hall.....believe me, I pay the same as for the church hall I hire, maybe a little bit more.

Kids need to know they cant do everything...it's a fact of life!

MumblingRagDoll · 15/09/2011 11:36

You felt sick because her child goes to 2 classes? I really want to know.

GrimmaTheNome · 15/09/2011 11:37

The problem with LtEves post was 'Children should NOT grow up thinking that everyone is equal'

children should grow up knowing that everyone is of equal worth. Not everyone has the same opportunities or abilities however, that is unavoidable and kids need to know how to deal with this fact.

GypsyMoth · 15/09/2011 11:37

How old is your dd op?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/09/2011 11:37

Wasn't there the results of a study out this week that said the most important thing for a child to be happy is time spent with loving parents.... and not accumulating 'stuff', material possessions, designer goods etc? By not going to the Spanish lessons (which are a form of 'stuff') they get to spend more time with you or playing outside or whatever, which is better for them in the long-run.

StrandedBear · 15/09/2011 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

munstersmum · 15/09/2011 11:41

Our school offers 9 different after school activities. 6 run by teachers (great that they give their time) which are free. 3 by private companies who charge.

I could think that we have to pay for the football club as there are no male teachers....but I actually think it's amazing any of these activities are available for free at all.

slug · 15/09/2011 11:41

It's a pain but it's not unfair as such. Missing out on opportunities because you are poor is a bitch, but it's part of life.

As a child I missed out on almost everything as my parents simply couldn't afford to pay. We were, not to put too fine a point on it, dirt poor. Then, for one glorious year I was taught by a nun whose mother subsidised school trips for me. She had no grandchildren of her own to indulge, so she indulged the children in her daughter's class instead. I remember it as one of the best years of my school career.

These days I am fortunate. I have a reasonably well paid job (am about to go and sign the contract which makes it permanant as well) yet I'm amazed at how much the school has asked for trips etc already. My neighbours have 4 children and, through no fault of their own, are currently both jobless. I pay back my teacher and her mother by subsidising their children's school trips and extras. Because I'm about to get a pay rise, all requests for money are now paid for DD, my neighbour's daughter (who is in DD's class) and, if the request isn't for too much I add enough for another child. The school put this extra into a fund which they use to subsidise at their discretion. I can't do this for every child but I know other parents do what I do.

Is it worth checking with your school if they have a similar fund? If not, could you suggest to the PTA that something similar could be set up?

LtEveDallas · 15/09/2011 11:45

My post was

Children should NOT grow up thinking that everyone is equal, everyone has the same money etc

I do not think I am any worse than for eg a Banker, or any better than for eg a student. But I do have less money than said banker and more money than said student.

Everyone has equal worth but the OPs OP was about money - so I posted about money Confused

Original poster
PollyPeppa · 15/09/2011 11:46

The bit that made me feel sick was 'Children should NOT grow up thinking that everyone is equal'

Of course she it entitled to her views but it did make me feel sick, and quite sad.

OP posts:
LtEveDallas · 15/09/2011 11:46

and I really want to know what the OP felt sick too?

chill1243 · 15/09/2011 11:47

The report Cogitol mentions had valid things to say. I think "quality time"
given to children is a parental phrase which means "Sorry darling but we spend less time with you than we would like to." I am not in the blame game; but just noting the way society has gone since my youth.

LtEveDallas · 15/09/2011 11:48

X post - read the whole sentence, not just the first part (that's why there was a , not a . Grin)

GypsyMoth · 15/09/2011 11:48

Better they find it out sooner rather than later Polly!!

How old is your dd?

southmum · 15/09/2011 11:51

YABU, this is life sadly. Im sure there will be many activities and additional lessons etc that my DCs will want that I cant afford to pay for. Kids (and some adults it seems) do need to learn that you cant get everything you want.

Spanish lessons are a luxury, we all have luxuries we want but cant afford. Such is life

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/09/2011 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scaryteacher · 15/09/2011 11:51

But Polly, you are taking part in a divisive education system yourself. Surely everyone should be able to go to uni regardless of intellect - that's a divide in the state system too.

My son's school rents out pitches and sports courts to local clubs; that means the school can subsidise the after school clubs like Brownies, Guides, Scouts, Cubs, Explorers by not charging them rent and insurance for those clubs that directly benefit the kids who attend the school. I used to go to a keep fit class after school there, and the money helped provide things for the school as well as keep the keep fit teacher in self employment.

If the money from the Spanish classes is used by the school for resources or other nice bits that benefit all the kids, then your dd isn't losing out. OK, she doesn't get to do Spanish classes, but she will benefit overall. Bear in mind that often monies like this can be used as well to fund a pot to pay for those who can't afford to go on school trips, from which your dd would benefit.

scaryteacher · 15/09/2011 11:55

Yes, applause for Slug, that's so kind.

MumblingRagDoll · 15/09/2011 11:55

Bt she mean not equal in terms of money and opportunity....life is NOT equal is it?

My children don't have ponies or foreign holidays....but they have nice toys, enough to eat and some treats....some kids dont have a nice home....or a car...it all depends on circumstances. If you want total equality then go and live in a Communist state.

Cheria · 15/09/2011 11:56

YANBU. There are too many private companies making money out of what should be freely offered. After school clubs and activities should be heavily subsidised by the state.

This wouldn't happen in other European countries.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 15/09/2011 11:57

"It is good to teach children that some people can afford things and others cant."

It's not great that we have to teach children about the unfairness of the way our economy is currently structured.

But this is not teaching children that some people can afford things and other people can't.

This is just teaching poor children that they can't have the same education as their classmates because of their parents' wealth.

So it is basically teaching them AT SCHOOL that they are less important than their peers.

Whatme -

Yes, it is more fair that there should be no Spanish class than that there should be a Spanish class subsidised by the school (which is the case if the accommodation is cheaper than elsewhere) that not all children can attend.

What you seem to think is fair is that the parents of poor children should subsidise the parents of wealthier children to have Spanish classes that their children are excluded from.

If making it possible for all children who want to to attend makes it too expensive, then it is TOO EXPENSIVE.

Remember those valuable lessons about how you can't have something just because you want it? And how sometimes things are just more than you can afford?

Well this is one of those lessons. I'm sure the children will all find it most educational.