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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want contact details for dh @ 37 weeks pg?

48 replies

4tastywholegrains · 14/09/2011 13:01

Have namechanged for this just in case as mentions more details than I?d usually put out in a single posting (probably overcautious).

My DH has a meeting out of town today in a setting where he cannot take a mobile phone. I am 37 weeks pregnant and asked him to send me a direct landline no where I could contact him in case labour kicked off (he is about 90 mins drive from me/hosp in the meeting, so even if I could contact him immediately it would take him some time to get back if he left straightaway). I asked for this on Monday and again yesterday and he shouted at me and said I was being unreasonable for asking, but he would try to tx details before going in. He didn?t and about 2h into the meeting phoned from a landline to ask if everything OK. At this particular point this seems a long time to be without a means of contacting him. Am not happy, as I am sure he could have obtained details before meeting but was simply too embarrassed to ask.

Wonder if I should just hire a doula as I have no confidence he really wants to know if labour starts.

OP posts:

LoveInAColdClimate · 14/09/2011 13:03

YANBU.

Curiousmama · 14/09/2011 13:05

Is he usually so shifty?

hiddenhome · 14/09/2011 13:06

Is this your first baby? If it is, then labour can take a few days to get going and you should have plenty of warning. Have you any friends/relatives who'd be willing to be contacted should things progress more quickly?

Your DH does sound a bit 'distant' emotionally if you're feeling you have no confidence over whether or not he even wants to even be there.

PeneloPeePitstop · 14/09/2011 13:07

YANBU
From a gestation point of view you are now classed as term. So to give birth now wouldn't be considered premature.

Original poster

4tastywholegrains · 14/09/2011 13:07

Not shifty, but I think often very unwilling to be seen to make a fuss or ask for anything that he perceives as unusual. I do know the meeting is genuine, and that the inability to take a mobile is genuine.

OP posts:

Mitmoo · 14/09/2011 13:08

Very suspicious behaviour. My ex kicked off when I asked him for the details of where he was taking son for a couple of nights, he kicked off because he didn't want me to know as he had no intention of bringing him back after the second night.

If they're shouting, they're normally hiding, out of range with a mobile in a place that has a landline. It has the whiff of Jackanory about it.

ReindeerBollocks · 14/09/2011 13:09

Can you 1471 the number he phoned from during the meeting, and use that number incase something happens?

YANBU btw

Rosa · 14/09/2011 13:09

YANBU if its in a hotel or conference centre then there will be a reception. I wouldn't have through his boss would mind . If its up a hill in the Pennines then it might be a bit harder.
What is he worried about ?

Mitmoo · 14/09/2011 13:10

X post 4nasty Getting a phone number isn't reall unusual though. If you have a meeting at a venue you'd just google it. Couldn't he tell you exactly where the meeting was?

Original poster

4tastywholegrains · 14/09/2011 13:10

This is my third, his first, and for various reasons (age of parents, distance away of parents, distance/work commitments of friends) he is my only realistic prospect for birth partner. I would not really be stuck for getting to hospital, as it is 10-15 mins away and could get there in a taxi, but I do not want to be in labour on my own.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 14/09/2011 13:10

If it is only a short meeting during the day, then to be fair, you are being a bit over anxious. Is there a reason why he wouldnt be able to check text messages every hour or so though?

Curiousmama · 14/09/2011 13:12

Inability to take a mobile? Is this some sect?

TLD2 · 14/09/2011 13:12

Why can't he take a mobile? I don't go anywhere without mine, regardless of possibility of signal.

LoveInAColdClimate · 14/09/2011 13:12

Squeaky, the OP said he couldn't take his mobile (I assume he has gone to a secure lab/a prison or similar), so texts not an option.

scaryteacher · 14/09/2011 13:13

My dh is not allowed a mobile in his office, and neither is anyone else for security. All mobiles have to left at the front desk, so not suspicious. He may not have access tot he landline number, or his meeting may be on a particular extension that he hadn't got hold of.

He may not want to be there when you give birth - have you asked him? My dh didn't want to be and I had no trouble with that.

Curiousmama · 14/09/2011 13:13

Oh is it so that he doesn't take pics with it? Privacy needed?

coccyx · 14/09/2011 13:13

Very suspicious

LoveInAColdClimate · 14/09/2011 13:13

I have, on a few occasions, had to go to meetings where I haven't been able to take a mobile for security reasons. It's not that weird.

Bramshott · 14/09/2011 13:14

If the meeting is at some kind of military / govt / secure location he won't be able to take in a mobile. There's probably lots of other reasons / scenarios too.

squeakytoy · 14/09/2011 13:15

I was thinking it may be some sort of issue where security/data protection means a phone is not allowed actually, and I can also sort of see why it may not be possible to give a direct number too, as that really wouldnt be professional in some circumstances, however it should be possible that his employers would be able to get in touch with him in an emergency, and wife going into labour should be classed as that.

LoveInAColdClimate · 14/09/2011 13:16

Oh, and he shouldn't be shouting at you full stop.

Honeydragon · 14/09/2011 13:16

dh goes places where he has to hand in his phone, and cannot supply a ll. He simply called me from the car before he went in and after. How long does he expect the meeting to be?

squeakytoy · 14/09/2011 13:17

If the OP knows that there is a good reason why mobiles are not allowed, and that it is a classified location, then he probably shouted out of frustration.

Original poster

4tastywholegrains · 14/09/2011 13:17

I know where it is, but asked for a direct line no for contact, rather than having to go through what I think from own knowledge would probably be a fairly difficult switchboard to penetrate. Do not want to say where he is in order to give further explanation of this, as it would out both of us. I could get switchboard number myself so to that extent may well be BU, but don't understand why he couldn't just have asked for a number for the person he was meeting with/room he was meeting in to make life easier all round.

I do now have the number he called from, but am still pissed off with him.

OP posts:

LoveInAColdClimate · 14/09/2011 13:17

I don't think there is any situation where people would think someone was being unprofessional by saying "Oh, by the way, my wife is expecting a baby any day so do you mind if I just give her a call and give her a number she could contact me on here if it all starts?" Everyone would understand that, surely?

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