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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want contact details for dh @ 37 weeks pg?

48 replies

4tastywholegrains · 14/09/2011 13:01

Have namechanged for this just in case as mentions more details than I?d usually put out in a single posting (probably overcautious).

My DH has a meeting out of town today in a setting where he cannot take a mobile phone. I am 37 weeks pregnant and asked him to send me a direct landline no where I could contact him in case labour kicked off (he is about 90 mins drive from me/hosp in the meeting, so even if I could contact him immediately it would take him some time to get back if he left straightaway). I asked for this on Monday and again yesterday and he shouted at me and said I was being unreasonable for asking, but he would try to tx details before going in. He didn?t and about 2h into the meeting phoned from a landline to ask if everything OK. At this particular point this seems a long time to be without a means of contacting him. Am not happy, as I am sure he could have obtained details before meeting but was simply too embarrassed to ask.

Wonder if I should just hire a doula as I have no confidence he really wants to know if labour starts.

OP posts:
Curiousmama · 14/09/2011 13:19

Shame there's no one close by. Is your dh getting any leave soon?

ReindeerBollocks · 14/09/2011 13:21

DH often does prison visits which require him to hand in his mobile and doesn't mean that he has a LL available.

However, at least you have a number to get him now. If it's her third labour I completely get why OP would need her DH home ASAP. I completely understand why you would be upset.

Honeydragon · 14/09/2011 13:23

If there is a switchboard you can contact him. It may look unprofessional if he asks for a direct line in case his wife calls, as soon as he gets there.

I'm sure others manage to contact there oh there in emergencies.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 14/09/2011 13:24

I understand that you're anxious and pissed off. And at 37 weeks YANBU (it's the law) Grin.

However, some places do not allow mobiles. Full stop. And asking for a land line number could be tricky. And he did call.

Is there not an official general listed number you could have called if you'd actually gone into labour? A general reception number?

Honeydragon · 14/09/2011 13:24

Loveinacoldclimate

I don't think I'd be happy do that if I were seeing clients, if I'm totally honest.

Original poster
4tastywholegrains · 14/09/2011 13:27

He had expected meeting to be one hour (which is less of a bother, but still a potential missing labour scenario, given the 90 min drive back), but thus far I think it has been at least three (assuming he is still there).

Anyway, sorry, this has turned into more of a vent/rant for me. Am feeling very nervous/vulnerable about everything at the moment.

I do know myself that he genuinely cannot take a mobile in (in fact I had to tell him that, as he had not visited venue before) but also that direct landline numbers are available -- it is not so secret squirrel as all that. DH and I in closely related though not identical lines of business, if that makes any sense.

Thank you for all your responses.

OP posts:
LoveInAColdClimate · 14/09/2011 13:28

Really, Honeydragon? I work in a very preofessional profession (IYKIM) and I think even here people would appreciate that this is an exceptional situation.

Oakmaiden · 14/09/2011 13:29

I can understand why he doesn't want to ask for a number for you to call on. It just doesn't look quite professional, to be expecting a personal call whilst at an important meeting....

IO can also quite understand your being pissed off about it too. I think it is just one of those situations where you are going to have to cross your fingers and hope all will be well.

In fairness, he has phoned you, so he is interested and checking that all is well, to what he considers to be the best of his ability.

LoveInAColdClimate · 14/09/2011 13:35

So preofessional, in fact, that we can't spell it!

blackeyedsusan · 14/09/2011 13:36

yanbu.

Honeydragon · 14/09/2011 14:02

Love, I don't think they'd necessarily object, I just know I wouldn't want to. I'm really on the fence with this one (excepting the shouting).

Amateurish · 14/09/2011 14:04

YApossiblyBU

I can imagine situations where I would feel uncomfortable introducing personal issues at the outset of a professional meeting. He phoned you halfway through the meeting so he clearly is being mindful of your situation. Put this down to pregnancy nerves - not worth having an argument about.

brodanbell · 14/09/2011 14:14

Is he going to be visiting this place frequently over the next 2-3 weeks, or is this a one off meeting? If it is the former, then I think YANBU to expect a valid contact number, so he can be readily accessible should things start. However if it's just a one off meeting, which is going to end soon then I think you are overreacting. He has called you to check you are ok, and as you say you do have access to a switchboard number which you can ring in an emergency and a message will get through to him. The point is you haven't gone into labour, so it has not been an issue (other than that his attitude has annoyed you) so draw a line under it, don't dwell on it and move on. It's not worth it.

iskra · 14/09/2011 14:21

I'm 39w + 6, my only way of getting hold of DP is to ring central switchboard & ask them to bleep him. There is no landline & he can't use his mobile (it doesn't work anyway, signal blackhole). I occasionally entertain myself trying to imagine the scenarios in which I go into labour & can't get hold of him.

Mumsnut · 14/09/2011 14:28

I had row after row with my dh about this - he hated to leave his mobile on during meetings, kept promising to get a bleeper or a second line just for my use but didn't, got very shirty - and yes, he did miss the (very sudden and utter emergency) birth of our ds at about 37 weeks. So stand your ground. I could have done with someone to hold my hand when even the anaesthetist started praying.

SheWhoMustNotBeFlamed · 14/09/2011 14:33

My db abandoned a meeting with the prime minister when he got such a call. PM utterly lovely about it. 99% of clients / business people would be, ime.

Curiousmama · 14/09/2011 14:54

Which PM was that She?

FemaleEuknickers · 14/09/2011 14:56

The image of being professional is an interesting one. I'm definitely of the opinion that people who would feel uncomfortable saying that their wife needed a land line do not look unprofessional they look lacking in confidence. A little try hard. A confident person, is also confident of priorities. You should be your husband's priority now. I would be furious.

sunshineandshowers13 · 14/09/2011 15:00

cant believe how many people are saying this is suspicious Shock

i would say yrb slightly u (but with the understanding that being 37 wks you can be anything the hell you like tbh!!!)

RogerMelly · 14/09/2011 15:07

My husband went to work in India when I was about 35 weeks pregnant. i was NOT happy!

Original poster
4tastywholegrains · 14/09/2011 16:21

Mumsnut Shock sorry you went through that, and thank you.

FemaleEuknickers that was my thinking. As I already said, DH and I work in very similar jobs, very similar professional status, and I don't think I was asking him to do anything I wouldn't myself, if boot were on other foot (and I don't think I am overly keen to mention personal matters in a work context myself).

Thanks again to all. Have cooled off a bit.

OP posts:
FemaleEuknickers · 14/09/2011 16:26

I hope it all works out for you.

x

SheWhoMustNotBeFlamed · 14/09/2011 16:44

TB.

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