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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being Followed AIBU?

129 replies

SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 20:49

I go out most Saturdays to the same club where most of my friends go to as well. The alcohol is very cheap so I am usually halfway drunk when I leave, usually between 2 and 3am.

The route back to my flat takes about 10-15 mins and is well lit with no dodgy back alleys. I always walk back usually with DP and my flatmate.

DP had been away for the last few Saturdays so it has just been me and my flatmate walking there and back or yesterday it was just me since flatmate decided to stay in.

Last week flatmate was exceedingly drunk so had to be physically held up by me on the way back and at once point a car with a bloke in it stopped next to where we were walking, I ignored him and he drove a little further down and stopped as if to wait for us. Thankfulle we managed to turn off before getting to where his car was but I felt very uncomfortable and could not stop looking over my shoulder.

Last night I went out alone and when it was time to go considered asking one of my male friends to walk me home but decided against it. At one point the street I was walking down was totally deserted and a car pulled up alongside me with a bloke in it. He shouted at me but I ignored him and walked on he then pulled up beside me again and shouted at me to look at him. I did and he asked if I wanted a life home. I declined (twice) and he then drove off. Again I spent the walk home looking over my shoulder.

This sort of thing has happened to me lots in the past few years since moving to the city. AIBU to be scared of these men? Do they honestly think I would be stupid enough to get into thier car? What would happen if someone was too drunk to see the danger and got in? Am I overreacting and they just wanted to offer a girl a lift home with the possibilty of getting her number?

Feel very uneasy about the fact it happens so often.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 11/09/2011 20:55

I find it very worrying that -

  • these experiences don't promt you to get a taxi home/friend to go with you.
  • you have to ask whether what the man did is significant.

I'm mostly concerned about your ability to weigh up possible risks in any given scenario, and avoid situations if you believe the risk to be too high.

sneakybeak · 11/09/2011 20:55

I don't want to be rude, but don't walk home alone especially if drunk. Really - think about it. You've said yourself you go to the same club each week. Change your routine.

DoMeDon · 11/09/2011 20:57

What Agent said.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 11/09/2011 20:58

Feel very uneasy about the fact it happens so often.

If you feel uneasy then you shouldn't be walking there - alone or with a drunk friend. Trust your instincts.

SarahStratton · 11/09/2011 20:59

Book a taxi home from a reputable firm. Don't just hail a cab. Why on earth are you still walking home ffs?

yellowraincoat · 11/09/2011 20:59

I'm really not scared of walking alone at night, but that sounds seriously dodgy especially as you had been drinking. Might be a good idea to get a taxi home, especially if it's only a few minutes walk, shouldn't cost much.

AgentZigzag · 11/09/2011 21:00

I'm not asking this to be patronising or put you down, but how old are you?

Because this is the kind of things I used to get up to when I was 18/19 YO and didn't know any better, or cared, because I wasn't aware I could control my drinking and stop before I got to the point where I was taking ridiculous risks for no reason.

If you're older, why do you feel you take such little care of yourself?

Original poster
SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 21:01

Its very rare that I walk home alone, yesterday was the first time in about a year.

I did consider getting friend to walk me home but didn't want to put anyone out. Blush

I only question the significance in a way that I almost can't believe someone would be that brazen and or opportunistic and nasty. I wonder if they drive around at that time of night for precisely that reason becasue there may be vulnerable girls out.

When I calculate risk I take into account that I am strong, carry keys in my fist and was able to keep my balence. I do see that the alcohol had probably impaired my ability to see the risk properly.

OP posts:
Original poster
SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 21:02

I am 21 btw.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 11/09/2011 21:03

More accidents happen to people walking home drunk than driving drunk (read Superfreakonomics) so get a cab or walk with someone. YABU.

Hassled · 11/09/2011 21:04

YANBU to be scared of these men. Yes, they do think you might get in their car. No, you're not over-reacting.

And yes, you have the right to walk wherever and whenever without fear of harm or risk of harm. Everyone does. But you need to throw a bit of gritty reality into that. You are at risk if you keep this up. Save some beer money for the taxi home.

belledechocchipcookie · 11/09/2011 21:05

Get a taxi, it's a few pounds and not worth the risks. Don't count on the fact that 'you're strong,' it means nothing.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 11/09/2011 21:05

Agreed Agent, I would have done this as a student because I was stupid fearless, but wouldn't even consider it now. Walking alone isn't a problem. Being out at night isn't a problem. Being out at night, drunk, alone and in a place where you know there are dodgy people is just ridiculous. Please take care of yourself.

griphook · 11/09/2011 21:06

be careful, if you think it is the same man, then you NEED to change how you get home. I Know you shouldn't have to, as you are just walking home. But it's not worth the risk. Get a cabb home, as even if you are with your dp, you don't want him knowing where you live.

brianmayshair · 11/09/2011 21:06

YABU to keep walking home despite these experiences, stay with friends or get a taxi. It really isn't safe to walk about a city having been drinking, sad but true.

Talker2010 · 11/09/2011 21:08

Is it likely that he was cruising ... are you walking through an area where there might be working girls

Original poster
SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 21:09

sigh, I know you guys are all absolutely right.

I think another part of it is that I get so cross that I should be made to feel unsafe on the street and being stubborn. Also a big dollop of the 'it'll never happen to me' fantasy that all people my age have.

I will be more careful in future, next time the bloke might not drive off. Angry

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 11/09/2011 21:10

The best self defense advice I've ever heard was in a book by the lovely (and sadly recently deceased) John McAleese, who said you're having a laugh if you ever think you can take on an attacker, the aim of the game is to distract them and run like fuck.

Of course there are nasty opportunistic men around and about with sinister motivations somewhere in the UK, you might be lucky, you might not.

It doesn't mean letting these types of men control your life and what you do, but you must know there are just little things you can do to keep yourself safe.

Unfortunately another person who's recently died, but Suzy Lamplughs Mum Diana set up a fantastic trust in her daughters memory, worth taking a look at.

Original poster
SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 21:11

I live right on the edge of the red light district but the area I was approached definitely is not.

It could well have been the same guy, the car looked similar although I didn't see his face last week and he didn't speak to us.

OP posts:
sneakybeak · 11/09/2011 21:15

What the actual F???

You live near the red light district, walk home alone, having been drinking. Really?

herbietea · 11/09/2011 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

monkeypuzzeltree · 11/09/2011 21:16

I was 21 and it was perfectly fine to walk home at 4am, legless. I am somewhat older now, and realise that if you can afford a night out then you should afford the cab home. I understand why you walked home, but please, listen to the experience on this thread and in future take more care. You sound smart enough to have considered what could have happened, just be smart and make sure it doesn't happen again. Things can happen so quickly.

SarahStratton · 11/09/2011 21:16

Please, please don't just get into a cab. Book a proper taxi, from a reputable firm.

I'm going to repeat that bit until you agree. So you might as well give up and agree now. To save us both time.

worraliberty · 11/09/2011 21:18

If you can afford booze, you can afford a cab.

Yes, these threads nearly always end up with people indignantly saying "But why should women have to...etc etc" "Why should we allow 'men' to scare us into not being able to walk the streets at night blah blah...

But face it, you know it's dangerous and you're running a very silly risk.

I understand you being stubborn, but no-one's going to notice that on your gravestone.

Original poster
SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 21:23

Whats wrong with a cab? When I get them I usually use the black cabs that are swarming all over the place at that time of night.

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