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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being Followed AIBU?

129 replies

SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 20:49

I go out most Saturdays to the same club where most of my friends go to as well. The alcohol is very cheap so I am usually halfway drunk when I leave, usually between 2 and 3am.

The route back to my flat takes about 10-15 mins and is well lit with no dodgy back alleys. I always walk back usually with DP and my flatmate.

DP had been away for the last few Saturdays so it has just been me and my flatmate walking there and back or yesterday it was just me since flatmate decided to stay in.

Last week flatmate was exceedingly drunk so had to be physically held up by me on the way back and at once point a car with a bloke in it stopped next to where we were walking, I ignored him and he drove a little further down and stopped as if to wait for us. Thankfulle we managed to turn off before getting to where his car was but I felt very uncomfortable and could not stop looking over my shoulder.

Last night I went out alone and when it was time to go considered asking one of my male friends to walk me home but decided against it. At one point the street I was walking down was totally deserted and a car pulled up alongside me with a bloke in it. He shouted at me but I ignored him and walked on he then pulled up beside me again and shouted at me to look at him. I did and he asked if I wanted a life home. I declined (twice) and he then drove off. Again I spent the walk home looking over my shoulder.

This sort of thing has happened to me lots in the past few years since moving to the city. AIBU to be scared of these men? Do they honestly think I would be stupid enough to get into thier car? What would happen if someone was too drunk to see the danger and got in? Am I overreacting and they just wanted to offer a girl a lift home with the possibilty of getting her number?

Feel very uneasy about the fact it happens so often.

OP posts:

Sidge · 11/09/2011 21:25

If you are drinking enough that you can't afford to get a cab home, or can't ensure your safety, then you need to go out less, or drink less.

In an ideal world you could be blitzed off your tits and should be able to safely walk home, naked if you wanted to, but sadly we don't live in an ideal world.

You live on the edge of a red light district and are walking home alone, pissed - if you were my daughter (and I'm old enough to be your mother) then I'd be furious, worried and trying to knock some sense into you!

SuchProspects · 11/09/2011 21:27

Snapes - please report this to your local police. They need to know if there may be a predator out there. Even if you can't give much in the way of details it may add up with other reports they get.

Proudnscary · 11/09/2011 21:29

AgentZigzag · 11/09/2011 21:29

I've just realised I'm old enough to be your mother too!

I know full well though, unfortunately, that at a bit younger than the OP nothing would have changed the way I behaved because I was pissed when I took the decision to walk home at whatever o' clock.

AgentZigzag · 11/09/2011 21:30

Is that a general or specifically aimed Proudnscary?

Original poster

SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 21:35

:o Perhaps one of you is my mother, she would certainly be very cross with me for walking out alone.

To repeat my earlier question, why would I call a cab company (other than the fact they are probably cheaper), are the black cabs not safe?

OP posts:

sneakybeak · 11/09/2011 21:36

Black cabs should be safe as they are registered. It's minicabs that might not be. They are not registered, often don't have tax, insurance etc and are not traceable.

ravenAK · 11/09/2011 21:36

OK, firstly, I'm solidly of the thinking that you should be able to can-can home, off your tits & in your pants.

Being pragmatic about it, get a cab if there's fewer than 3 of you. & ring the police to report Mr Sleazy - they won't exactly make it a priority, but they might make a note of it which could help build up a picture if next time he tries to entice someone into a car, he's more successful ...should you see him again on your (ACCOMPANIED!) stagger home, try to remember the license plate.

Grrrr on your behalf, I remember those walks & their accompanying predators well also old enough to be your mother

AgentZigzag · 11/09/2011 21:39

You have to be careful of blokes pretending to be a licenced minicab and just randomly trying to pick you up, if you ring a reputable company then you know they're legit.

Black cabs are different in that they're licenced for cold pick ups, although it's always a good idea to have a look to see if they have their licence on display near the dashboard.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 11/09/2011 21:43

Black cabs should be fine (among the safest in fact because of their licensing) but we didn't know from your OP that you were in London and other cities don't have them. Out in the sticks we need to take phone numbers of reputable companies with us to avoid getting into unlicensed minicabs.

Original poster

SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 21:43

Ok, reporting mr sleazy (possibly x2) should I call the non-emergency number? Is it 101? And should I do so during working hours?

OP posts:

Original poster

SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 21:44

I'm not in London, but we have lots of cabs that look the same as the London black cabs. I am in the North.

OP posts:

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 11/09/2011 21:46

Oh, and I'm not old enough to be your mother, but I'm young enough to know how tempting it is to save money by walking home; to think "fuck it, why should I be scared?" or "it won't happen to me"; or to just feel untouchable because you're young, happy and drunk

HerHissyness · 11/09/2011 21:48

If you are not more responsible with your safety young lady, you better start thinking about who they will get to stage your Crimewatch Reconstruction.

I was in a group of 3 girls attacked in Central London (in my late 20s) there was ONE of him and he was really pissed. None of us were actually drunk that night, if we had have been, the story could have been something entirely different.

One girl ended up with concussion and a night in hospital, the other with scars and marks that lasted years, and all of us giving statements to Police and checking on each other in hospital etc. I was terrified to go out for a long time, and to this day don't get overly drunk if I am not overly confident about who is around me.

cityhobgoblin · 11/09/2011 21:49

www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/apr/21/john-worboys-cab-driver-jail This multiple rapist started in Bournemouth then worked in London , attacking for years

BeaOnSea · 11/09/2011 21:50

I think the fact you live near a red light district is definitely a factor as to why cars are pulling up quite often.

When I was 17/18 I shared a flat with a friend in a very seedy area and we used to walk through a red light district in the early hours of the morning. We often had cars pull up and usually pulled off our stiletto heels to arm ourselves and gave them a mouthful of abuse (alcohol fuelled bravery).

I would never have walked home alone though.

Original poster

SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 21:55

HerHissyness :(

Your post has made me feel very small, I know its a stupid risk. I think I will give muself a stern talking to and keep a fiver in my shoe.

Am especially that it happened when there were three of you, I would have felt very safe with two others.

OP posts:

cityhobgoblin · 11/09/2011 21:55

Sorry if that seemed unhelpful but on reading the report you can see he preyed on females' conditioned dislike of appearing impolite ( or simply their impaired judgement after drinking ) . London black cabs should be comparatively safe .

In my experience in my 20s , it's very common for men to cruise about trying to pick up women walking home , and coerce / manhandle them if their "charm" doesn't work - seen it dozens & dozens of times & rape was certainly their objective .

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 11/09/2011 21:59

and keep a fiver in my shoe

Love it!

You know it's the best option

suburbophobe · 11/09/2011 22:02

OMG, you are crazy!

Mind you, I did a lot of crazy stuff like hitchhiking when I was in my teens/early 20's...

But that was the 70's, and life was in a way kinder then.

What if you were to come across a Fred West or Yorkshire Ripper?

Yes, do report the guy, and note the numberplates! But please don't walk home drunk in the middle of the night....

And don't feel bad about "putting someone out" to walk you home if you don't want to take a cab. I'm sure they'd rather walk you home than read about your murder in the paper.....

Crosshair · 11/09/2011 22:02

Agree with pick up a black cab or book a taxi in advance, it really isnt worth the risk.

Original poster

SnapesMistress · 11/09/2011 22:09

Always wonder why they bother with me as well. When I go out its gothed up to the nines and I look a right fright most of the time. Not quite as bad as this though.

OP posts:

mummymccar · 11/09/2011 22:16

Please, please, please trust your instincts on this one & take more precautions. If you feel unsafe in an area then you probably are at risk. I used to live in an area where my walk home at 8.30 - 9pm took me through a busy, well-lit area. I never felt safe there but did the walk anyway as I didn't want DP to have to come out to meet me. Luckily I was warned off by a friend within a few weeks, changed my route and got DP to meet me. So glad I did; a couple of weeks later a woman a couple of years younger than me was raped and murdered on the original route.
Please take care of yourself and never go anywhere alone at night!

HerHissyness · 11/09/2011 22:16

As a result of that attack (almost 20 years ago I must say) I generally tended to drive to all nights out ever since while living in London.

Sometimes people would tell me to leave the car and have a drink. I was so terrified of being in a situation I couldn't predict, I'd rarely drink anything at all! I drank more if I had the car!

I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I got legless. Always with trusted colleagues and always sharing a cab, and texting the previous drop off to say I'd got home.

Look after yourself chick! have a laugh, a drink etc, but please stay safe!

TastyMuffins · 11/09/2011 22:18

The advise to me, when I reported to the police that a car had pulled up and tried to talk to me when I was walking home late at night, was to make sure I wasn't dressed too girly, stand tall and walk confidently and definitely not to interact with them. This was nearly 20 years ago and at the time I worked late shifts so was sometimes walking home from the station.

Always take the number plates of any cars you come across like this, if you have a camera phone, you might consider taking a picture.

If you have friends living in the same direction, try to walk home with them or share a cab with them. When I worked shifts there were always lots of people getting off the last train or a bus and all walking together.

If you are going on your own, think carefully about how much you have to drink, what you are wearing and how confident you feel.

It probably is safer to get a cab, but I'd still walk home myself rather than waiting for a cab.

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