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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irritated when women play the 'birdlike appetite' shit?

142 replies

Proudnscary · 11/09/2011 18:23

Went to wedding. Every course that came the woman next to my dh bellowed 'Oh my gosh, that's too much I'll never eat that, does anyone want mine' and shoved her food on to his and everyone else's plate - standing up to do so for maximum effect.
The starter was TWO king prawns, the main was TWO slices of roast beef for cripes sake - I inhaled them in seconds.
Why not just leave some on the plate instead of drawing attention to her 'tiny, feminine appetite'?

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 12/09/2011 09:11

There's nothing wrong with not eating much/leaving some food on your plate. There is everything wrong with dramatically drawing attention to yourself about it!

TrillianAstra · 12/09/2011 09:11

She sounds like an attention-seeking nightmare, with this and the speech-heckling.

I agree with LineRunner. People should feel no need to announce that they can't finish something (especially at a wedding where the food is often not what you might have chosen), and equally people should not comment on what people have left.

A little bit of "would you like my last prawn?" is acceptable but it shouldn't get in the way of conversation.

choccyp1g · 12/09/2011 09:20

FThis thread is fascinating; so many of the strange attutudes are combined in my MIL. She stayed for a week one time, and I spent all my time trying to get her to eat, and found myself STARVING the whole time because she guilted me over every mouthful, then she told "D"P that I had not fed her enough. The trouble was I took her at her word, when she told me ten times a day that she had no appetite and only ever ate a tiny portion.

What I didn't realise was that I was supposed to leave lots of donuts lying around so she can eat them in secret. That is what I do now, and it seems to keep her happy.

CalamityKate · 12/09/2011 09:26

If I was going to liken my eating habits to any animal, it would be a dog. Probably a Labrador.

"Opportunistic Scavenger" - that's me; eat as much as possible whenever the opportunity arises, just in case it's going to be a while before my next meal.

The last wedding we went to was a BBQ-type buffet. I was the only female who went up for seconds and I'd probably have gone for thirds if they hadn't wanted to get on with the speeches

Original poster

Proudnscary · 12/09/2011 09:26

Choccy - really? Jeez made me laugh tho. Btw loving the name!
Bonsoir - spot on
Trill - the heckling was funny. You need a drunken nutter at a wedding surely?! But would I want to see her again? Uhh no.

OP posts:

Chandon · 12/09/2011 09:29

There is a really good Somerset Maugham story about such a lady.

he is quite poor, takes her out to dinner. She keeps on making a show af her small appetite, and berates him for eating such "heavy, rich food" himself (he just chooses what is cheapest on the menu). She can only eb tempted to eat a little Lobster Thermidore (or similar).

it ends with him meeting her years later, and noticing with satisfaction that said lady now is (deservedly) considerably overweight, despite her "tiny appetite".

lizzieloubee1 · 12/09/2011 09:41

I find it really hard to eat if there is too much food on my plate. I don't know why exactly,but I have always been like that. I don't complain though, just eat what I can and leave the rest. I do feel a little guilty about sending back a half-full plate, I don't want anyone to feel offended :S

My close friends have been known to eat my leftover chips. They do ask first though!

pinkytheshrinky · 12/09/2011 09:47

No one minds anyone having a small appetite at all - it is the the drawing attention to it with the implication of 'oh i am so dainty...etc' Probably the same women who hold their knives like pens................[snob]

CalamityKate · 12/09/2011 09:54

"Knives like pens" - yeah, that's one thing I am a bit snobby about

We went out for lunch on Saturday and there was a woman opposite who held her knife like that, but in an especially dainty way. Pushing her food about and taking tiny little forkfuls (forkfuls? Or forksful? Both look really weird) and I wanted to snatch the fork off her and stab her with it

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/09/2011 09:56

Oh I'm finding this thread surprising cathartic...

My aunt (not in this country) has a habit of giving you your plate of food then asking you if you'd like some more whilst you're still eating. You say "No, thank you" - once, twice, and repeat.... then she puts more on your plate and gets seriously offended if you don't eat it. I always sit next to my big burly brother... very useful.

The thing is... after dinner, she makes a point of saying HOW MUCH you managed to eat. I hate that kind of crap. It seems to be women who devise, maintain and pass on these ridiculous habits and 'ticks' to other women so that they can be affected for life too... I HATE IT.

If you eat at my house, you can eat what you want, have seconds, thirds, whatever - and leave what you want. To make comment of any kind is the height of rudeness and I won't do it, I'll just be pleased if you liked whatever it was I gave you.

TheBride · 12/09/2011 10:05

YANBU. It's the drawing attention to it that's rude. Fine to subtly nudge your DH (assuming he's sitting next to you) and whisper "Do you want some more because I don't want/like it". Not fine to announce it to the whole table and start dishing it out to strangers.

Weirdly, I don't like lamb. As it's common at weddings, people with large appetites benefit from sitting next to me. Mind you, I generally try to trade for extra potatoes especially if it's gratin.

msnovember · 12/09/2011 10:22

Totally agree that it's attention-seeking and competitive.

LOL @ choccyp1g leaving donuts lying around for her MIL to stumble upon at her leisure

Rhiana1979 · 12/09/2011 10:29

If we ever have cakes at work there's 2 women here who delight in working out the weight watchers points in every item. Then they decline as it's "far too much".

As the day goes on they spend more time hovering next to the desk with the cakes on loudly exclaiming "will someone please eat these cakes"

A few hours later and you get "does anyone want to split this tiny morsel cake with me"

You just think FFs you clearly want it so eat it.

Now and again you get the "I'll take one home for my DH/S/D" knowing full well that cake will be shovelled in the car. If it eveneaves the building

Rhiana1979 · 12/09/2011 10:30

*even leaves

NightLark · 12/09/2011 10:35

Someone asked how you get over guilt / manage to leave food without guilt.

I always think of it as treating my body with more respect than the dustbin. Once you've eaten enough, you've eaten enough. So you're just binning the rest. I'd rather bin it in the bin than 'bin it' in my body as excess fat. Saying politely that I'm full is the hard bit - some people make that difficult. But I don't feel guilty that I'm 'wasting' food, just that I might be making the cook feel bad.

I have no idea if I have a large or a small appetite. If I really like the food I'll eat quite a lot of it, if it's something I'm not so keen on I stop once I'm not hungry any more.

fanjobanjowanjo · 12/09/2011 13:01

Ha! Men love a girl with an appetite (me) but they DO NOT love it when it shows on your arse (me).

OP - YANBU, pisses me right off.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/09/2011 13:05

YY fanjo... the timeless paradox...

NightLark... I think that's a really healthy way of looking at it. Some people are food-obsessed and I think that way lies disaster, much less actual enjoyment of food.

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