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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say 'no' DD you can not get your ears pierced.

43 replies

Bandwithering · 10/09/2011 12:56

*This is more of an "Am I out of touch?".

My dd has told me that the majority of girls in her class have their ears pierced. Not true! I had a sneaky lookabout and I think five out of 14 girls have it done, and one of them would have had it done as a baby.

My dd is not yet 9. She cries when she gets ear ache, a growing pain, she yelps and cries and demands a plaster over the tiniest graze. She demands calpol at the drop of a hat.

I don't want her to go into school and SAY this, but I think it looks awful on girls under about 12.

mumsnet jury?????

OP posts:
bluerodeo · 10/09/2011 12:59

do it, don't do it - whatever you're happy with. i don't think it looks awful on under 12s.....where would you draw the line? why not 13? or 11?

ChippingIn · 10/09/2011 12:59

I think 9 is OK. (I had mine at 7, it was as long as my Mum could hold out against my constant begging Grin). But if you don't want her to have them done tell her that she can't have them done until she's 12 and that's that. It's better to give her an age I think than just say 'No'.

I'd say it's about 50/50 around here at 9.

scarlettsmummy2 · 10/09/2011 12:59

I agree, I think it is tacky on an primary school children.

usualsuspect · 10/09/2011 13:00

I think 9 is ok to have her ears pierced

but I'm probably in the minority on MN

remum · 10/09/2011 13:01

Personally I dont think YABU. My daughter has just had her ears pierced. She is nearly 12 and started secondary school last week. Quite a few of her friends had theirs pierced over the summer (a lot didnt though.. their mums are saying 14!). I think she looks lovely but glad it was a rule at her junior school that you couldnt wear any earring so the question didnt arise!

Original poster
Bandwithering · 10/09/2011 13:02

When you say "do it, don't do it" that isn't really helpful!!! I know those are the options!

I feel like it's partly down to her, but how much of a say should she get?! should I totally over rule her? HER ears, but, she's not even 9 yet. OR, should I strike a deal with her?

OP posts:
cory · 10/09/2011 13:02

I have told dd not until she is 15, giving the reason that it does carry certain health risks (her cousin developed a nickel allergy) and I want her to be old enough to make a measured decision as to whether she thinks this is a risk worth taking in her own particular case. Dd is now approaching 15 and has not mentioned it lately, so I take it there has been no social disadvantage in not having it done.

Tuppence2 · 10/09/2011 13:02

My Step Sister got my niece's ears pierced for the 1st time age 6 (last year). dn didn't look after them (didn't bathe them or turn them to stop from getting all scabby and stuck!) so then niece wanted them out! StepSis tried, and couldn't get them out with dn sobbing in pain! My mum tried, also couldn't get them out. I tried, and finally got them out using ice cubes to numb her lobes and getting my nails between the lobe and earring.
Now, if that had happened with my dd, I would have said no to ear piercing after this incident as she obviously can't look after them. But no, StepSis let her get them done again this year. And dn has been warned by my that I will not be taking those out for her if they get stuck!

If you think she won't look after them properly, then that would be the sticking point for me to say no. But tbh, I don't think 9 is too young if she can care for them and prevent infection.

Original poster
Bandwithering · 10/09/2011 13:04

ChippingIn, that could be the deciding factor really! how long 'til I crack am totally worn down to the point where i say, ok, pierce your lip, eyebrow, just give me ten minutes peace

OP posts:
Sirzy · 10/09/2011 13:04

I hate seeing young children with ears peirced, 9 onwards wouldn't bother me to much although if I ever has a Dd I cant imagine letting her have it done before secondary school age.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 10/09/2011 13:07

I've had this argument discussion with dd1 recently too! (she is 7) Apparently all the girls (well, a few of her close friends) in her class had their ears piecred over the summer Hmm

I have said categorically no, because:

  • I love you and I don't like to see you in pain! I found it hard enough to offer you up for vaccinations, and I knew they were for your benefit! (she is a real wuss, and I know she would be upset)
  • I don't feel you are old enough to look after your ears post-piercing, and I don't want to do it. You can't even be trusted to remember your homework/ lunch box/ where you left your (third) new school cardi, never mind diligently take care of the holes in your ears, and I don't fancy having a daughter with suppurating sores where her pretty little ear lobes used to be.
  • You are pretty enough without earrings
  • You would need to fiddle about covering them up for PE (school rules), and the myriad of other activities you do, to prevent them getting ripped out of your ears.
  • I know you, and I could bet that they will get caught on your hair/ pillow/ the trampoline and a huge an almighty drama will ensue.

Just no!

She sulked a little, but seems to have forgotten about it for now!

PonceyMcPonce · 10/09/2011 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eaglewings · 10/09/2011 13:07

Ban here until she is 16 because of nickel allergy (me) and hygiene problems that can occur if she doesn't care for them.
Also because she is sporty
But lastly - she has her whole life ahead of her, let her be a child!

Because she kept asking now Every time she asks I tell her it will go up 6 months, we are up to 17 as far as she is concerned

zukiecat · 10/09/2011 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 10/09/2011 13:10

I have a nickel allergy and have pierced ears .

zukiecat · 10/09/2011 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Takitezee · 10/09/2011 13:38

I have no problem with her age but plasters for grazes and calpol at the drop of a hat would worry me slightly as it suggests she's a bit of a whinger. Ear ache and growing pains are painful though. As an aside I don't think you should give in to her demands for calpol if not necessary but that's another story.

Explain to her how much looking after they will need, especially at first and then test her commitment to having her ears pierced. She can save the money herself from her pocket money or if she doesn't get pocket money then she can do jobs to earn the money until she has enough.

halcyondays · 10/09/2011 13:38

I think nine is old enough but if you don't want her to have it done, tell her no, but that she can have it done when she's a bit older. If you did let her have them done, you might need to wait until the start of the summer holidays next year, as they usually have to take them out for PE, and you need to keep them in for 6 weeks.

Rowena8482 · 10/09/2011 13:44

My DD asked when she was about 6ish and I just told her, in detail ;) exactly how they pierce ears with the gun in the shop. I described the pain and the blood and the firing the piece of solid metal straight through her ear and so on, and all of a sudden she decided she didn't want them done after all.... (I didn't actually mind if she had them done or not, but I said she had to wait until the beginning of the long summer holiday so she could take them out for school as there was no way she would ever wear even a stud in case it got ripped out, and that, coupled with the description of the gun process, put her right off Grin)

meditrina · 10/09/2011 13:49

She won't be only girl in the class saying "my Mum won't let me".

Wait until you're comfortable with the idea. DD is a bit young to even start asking, but on the odd occasion she's mentioned it, I've told her 16 - to give the leeway to be "worn down" by a couple of years - letting her think she's won a concession, but still waiting comfortably into the teens.

Dawndonna · 10/09/2011 13:52

We did the transition from primary to secondary too. Begining of the hols so that they were cleared up and fine by the time they started.

zukiecat · 10/09/2011 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 10/09/2011 13:52

Of course you are being unreasonable - you are ruining her life!!

If you don't want her to have them done, then as her mum you have the absolute right to say no. I'd suggest waiting another year until she's 10 - make it a sort of 'going into double figures' treat.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 10/09/2011 13:53

I was 7 when I had mine done, wore them for 5yrs took them out, re-pierced at 16 then took them out again. Just not for me.

Got my tongue pierced though and I like that.

Dd can wait until she's old enough to do it without permission, nothing against it at all just don't want her having unecessay holes like me!

Cereal · 10/09/2011 13:53

Plenty of time to have pierced ears as an adult if that's what they choose. I can't see why anyone would want holes in their ears.