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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should get an extra lie in

90 replies

Sunflowergirl2011 · 09/09/2011 22:13

hope you can help solve a silly argument between DH and me. We have a 1yr old and a 2 yr old so sleep is at a premium in our house! During the week we get up at similar times, him for work, me with the children. On weekends we always disagree about who should get a lie in. He thinks we should get one each,
I think that as I am the one who gets up in the night if the children wake up ( unless they both wake up in which case we both do), I should get both lie ns if I like! I don't mind ( much!) that often he doesn't wake up in the night when do, but I do think that the lost sleep and broken sleep should mean I get the bonus lie ins. AIBU?
PS- I have other ways to 'persuade him' iyswim , but we genuinely can't see where the other is coming from on this so would appreciate your views.

OP posts:
fidelma · 09/09/2011 22:19

You should get a lie in each.

Or as happens in our house, I always get up and do the early shift but i get an afternoon nap.

Mightimama · 09/09/2011 22:21

Yeah Id go for a lie in each, that how it goes in our house, he works Mon-Fri & im on mat leave

Zimbah · 09/09/2011 22:22

I think it depends how often and how much you have to get up in the night. Is it every night? If so, and especially if it's several times a night, I think you should get both lie-ins, with perhaps a turn for him every few weeks. Depends as well how tiring his job is e.g. if it's something physically tiring he could probably be justified in asking for a lie-in, if it's more of a bog-standard office job not mentally exhausting then no!

How do you feel about daytime naps - maybe you could agree that you get to lie-in both days but he can have an hour or so for a nap one day as well, or vice versa? Admittedly it's not the same as a lovely lie-in though.

oneofthosedays · 09/09/2011 22:23

Lie in each - you're both tired in different ways.

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe · 09/09/2011 22:23

YABU. Lie in each is fair.

fivegomadindorset · 09/09/2011 22:23

What is a lie in?

Honestly one each is fair.

bereasonable · 09/09/2011 22:24

Yes you are! Poor DH should get extra lie ins. How do you "persuade" him?

FabbyChic · 09/09/2011 22:25

I agree you should get a lie in each. You one day him the other.

worraliberty · 09/09/2011 22:27

Yep, a lie in each.

magicmummy1 · 09/09/2011 22:28

One each seems fair. YABU.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 09/09/2011 22:29

If you do all the night time waking, then sure, you should get all the daytime sleeping.

He has two choices:

1 help out at night and get on lie in a week

2 leave you to do all the night wakings and make sure you get to catch up on lost sleep on weekend mornings

seems entirely fair to me.

Of course, what would be more fair would be if he got up in the night occasionally, but I am familiar with the "I just don't wake up" excuse.

Cat98 · 09/09/2011 22:29

We had this issue. I got up in the night - often 2 hourly - and had pretty much all the lie ins. After a while it became obvious DH was very tired. So we changed it and he had a lie in every so often, maybe 25% of weekend ones. That worked for a while.

Now, I still do the nights but DS doesn't wake as much, and we get a lie in each at weekends. However if DS wakes earlier than DH's alarm during the week (about 75% of the time) DH gets up with him until he needs to get ready for work.

This works for us.
So I would say - a fair outcome depends on how often your children wake in the night! Lots - and you should get more of the lie ins but he should still get the odd one.
Not that much - you should share them imo (but you should get the "bonus" ones - eg bank hols!)
And I totally relate to this, it may seem like a petty issue for some but enough sleep really affects how I function and my mood!

mistressploppy · 09/09/2011 22:29

But then he would never get a lie-in! Surely you can see that isn't very fair?

Original poster
Sunflowergirl2011 · 09/09/2011 22:30

Oh no! They weren't the answers I was hoping for :) Zimbar - a rough guess would be that I'm up with one or the other children for approx 1.5 to 2 hours two nights a week on average. He does get lie ins every few weeks, but I just don't think it should be evenly split when I am up so much more in the night. like the idea of day time naps but we don't usually have time for that.
Be reasonable - I couldn't possibly say, my mother might be reading ;)

OP posts:
emsyj · 09/09/2011 22:30

Hmmm, it depends how often you get up in the night. I do any night wakings (99% of the time) but DD doesn't wake up all that often - twice a month maybe - and isn't up for long. Normally at the weekend if DD wakes early I get up with her and then when DH gets up (never later than 8am, he's not a lie-in sort of person) I go back to bed until (ahem) lunchtime Blush.

If DD wakes at 7am or later, DH is normally ready to get up by then anyway so he gets up and then there's a fighting chance I'll be up too by 9am ish.

When I was on mat leave I got both lie-ins but DD woke very frequently in the night until quite late on and DH slept in the spare room all by himself in a lovely king size bed and didn't ever hear a peep out of DD for a whole year. I bf for a year and during the hideous newborn days of constant feeding all night I was by myself and spent a lot of time crying all night and feeling desperate so I figure I earned my mat leave lie-ins. Had I been able to get DD to take a bottle, I could have expressed and had a break from the constant night waking and maybe then I would have taken a different approach.

Fortunately, DD slept through by the time I went back to work so now that I work 4 days we have the above system.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 09/09/2011 22:31

"But then he would never get a lie-in!"

But the way things are, she never gets a full night's sleep.

Original poster
Sunflowergirl2011 · 09/09/2011 22:34

Cross post. Shecutofftheirtales/cat98- thank you! he says he doesn't wake up too which used to annoy me slightly but I can understand at least. cat 98, I am def someone who needs my sleep. Not a petty issue for me either!
Mistressploopy- he does sometimes, his birthday?!

OP posts:
emsyj · 09/09/2011 22:34

If you are up 1.5-2 hours 2 nights a week with the children then YANBU to want both lie-ins if your DH gets a full night's undisturbed sleep every night.

Balsam · 09/09/2011 22:35

Here's an idea. Why don't you agree to one lie-in each at the weekends provided he agrees to be the one to get up in the night if it's a Friday or Saturday (i.e he's not got work the next day).

fidelma · 09/09/2011 22:36

can you share the nights at the weekend or are you feeding?

mistressploppy · 09/09/2011 22:39

Ok, I concede that if you're up that much at night (sympathies, btw) then you ARE entitled to extra lie-ins, but p'raps not ALL of them. Good luck persuading him!

mistressploppy · 09/09/2011 22:40

Oh, good idea Balsam

Grumpla · 09/09/2011 22:41

No way! You do ALL the night shifts, you get BOTH lie-ins.

He starts doing some night shifts, you get a lie-in each. Simple.

Original poster
Sunflowergirl2011 · 09/09/2011 22:43

Can't share the nights easily as he doesn't hear them/ doesn't wake up whereas I do wake up and figure it's not worth us all being up. ( plus my girls prefer their mummy :) ). This is why I lovemumsnet, can get lots of views and ideas from people who are / have been going through the same things you are.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 09/09/2011 22:48

OP, I agree with you completely!

the rule in our house is that whoever is up during the night the most gets the lie in.
so when the babies were little tht was me as I was up breastfeeding half the night.

now they all sleep through we take it in turns.