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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should get an extra lie in

90 replies

Sunflowergirl2011 · 09/09/2011 22:13

hope you can help solve a silly argument between DH and me. We have a 1yr old and a 2 yr old so sleep is at a premium in our house! During the week we get up at similar times, him for work, me with the children. On weekends we always disagree about who should get a lie in. He thinks we should get one each,
I think that as I am the one who gets up in the night if the children wake up ( unless they both wake up in which case we both do), I should get both lie ns if I like! I don't mind ( much!) that often he doesn't wake up in the night when do, but I do think that the lost sleep and broken sleep should mean I get the bonus lie ins. AIBU?
PS- I have other ways to 'persuade him' iyswim , but we genuinely can't see where the other is coming from on this so would appreciate your views.

OP posts:
pictish · 10/09/2011 08:32

I think it's got to be one each. That's how we do it, and it works well.

MummyMoonshadow · 10/09/2011 08:40

well I'm almost 6 years into this parenting thing, with two lively sprogs, and I still don't get many 'lie-ins' as my DH finds it almost impossible to wake up and get going without a cup of tea and a longish adjustment period! Theoretically we take it in turns to get up at the weekend or at night but this rarely works in practical terms as I wake up easily at the sound of small people and he doesn't.

Most of the time I don't mind too much, but about once a month or so the resentment builds and I get really cross about never getting a lie-in. To be fair he does occasionally take over and do everything when I get to the point of not coping anymore.

My solution is going to bed really early - almost straight after the kids - once every few weeks. And threatening all sorts of grumpiness if I don't at least get a lie-in on my birthday and Mother's day!

Good luck - I hope you come to a workable solution

Matronalia · 10/09/2011 08:54

DH gave me every lie in for the whole time I had to get up in the night with DS (13 months of three or four times a night). There was no discussion, he just did it - mostly because I was almost monosyballic with tiredness (DS had medical issues as well and just wanted me as I comforted him all day everyday). DH never had to get up at night so always got a full nights sleep and regularly got to stay away from home in a nice quiet hotel. As soon as DS started sleeping through regularly we went back to alternating lie-ins again, although if he hears me getting up more than once with DS in the night he will automatically get up with the Dcs in the morning.

With our first child we alternated the night feeds- he did Friday and Saturday night and on weekday mornings he got up with DD an hour before he had to leave for work to let me get an extra hour asleep. DS was a completely different baby though.

TeamDamon · 10/09/2011 09:07

If your DC were very young, or if you were breastfeeding one or both every night still (you say you're only up at night once or twice a week though, so I'm guessing not), I would say YANBU but as it is you don't seem to have a great case for having both lie-ins.

You could both try getting your DC into better sleeping habits where they are able to self-settle - or you could get your DH to do a share of the night wakings rather than relishing the martyr role quite so obviously ('my girls prefer their mummy'? Hmm)

YABU.

MissWanksAlot · 10/09/2011 09:11

Our DS (3YO) has ASD and is up about 6-8 times a night, We both get up in the night as sometimes I hear him sometimes he hears him, I tend to give DH the lie ins as he works bloody hard and is also getting up in the night and I have a nap in the afternoons if need be. In 3 years neither of us has had a full nights sleep!! However I do think the alternating is fair

wonderstuff · 10/09/2011 09:40

In our house I do all the night wakings (every night for the last 13 months with dc2, I did every night for 18 months then most nights for the next 6 with dc1) I deal better with less sleep and find it easier to get up in the night. We split lie-ins, but the person who gets up has the opportunity to go back to bed after the person having a lie-in gets up... Which means that at 9.30 I'm still yet to get our day started properly as I'm waiting for my lazy husband dh to get up. It isn't fair, but my dh has health issues and needs more sleep. I have recently got really bad at getting up very early if either dc wakes between 5.30 and 7am on week mornings.

my2centsis I would not let my husband sleep till 10 or 11am if I wasn't getting lie-ins, let alone getting up every night - don't get up tomorrow, make him pull his weight, he is being a selfish git and you are being a martyr.

hairylights · 10/09/2011 09:50

YabvU! One each.

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe · 10/09/2011 09:55

cowboysgal

Don't be so fucking ridiculous. Does he know how lucky he is?

He wakes up at 5am every morning, is in the office at 7am doesn't leave until 7/8pm then goes back to his hotel and many nights carries on working until midnight. He doesn't het to eat proper home cooked meals and lives on supermarket ready made pasta and sandwiches because it's too bloody expensive for him to eat a proper meal every night.

I get a 3hr nap most afternoons when the boys are napping and get two mornings free during the week when the boys are in nursery.

You should be asking "Do I realise how lucky I am"

So yes I do think we're both entitled to one lie in each weekend!

vmcd28 · 10/09/2011 10:48

A lot of posters are misreading this - the OP said she's up during the night 2 times a week - not every single night.
I think you deserve a lie-in each - you're both working hard so deserve a long lie. OR go to bed an hour earlier and both get up early.
agree with previous poster who says he should do any Friday or Saturday night wakings too.

magicmummy1 · 10/09/2011 14:13

Vmcd, I agree. Being up for an hour or two, two nights a week doesn't amount to sleep deprivation in my view. I still think they should get a lie-in each.

Original poster
Sunflowergirl2011 · 10/09/2011 14:34

Thanks all for your views and experiences if what works for you, lots to consider. Team Damon, I didn't mean to come across as a martyr simply to explain that my girls tend to settle quicker with me as they are more used to me. And in the middle of the night I just want to do what gets us all back to sleep as quick as possible ( especially as I worry that the child who is awake will wake their sister) Shecutofftheir tales - love the idea of selling it to him as a positive for him to get up. ( your comments on here make you my official new favourite mumsnetter!!)

OP posts:
Firawla · 10/09/2011 14:47

one each is fair

TidyDancer · 10/09/2011 15:27

OMG, you can't be serious?! You get one each, absolutely. You have the option of a chilled out pyjama day with the children if you want. DH doesn't have that option does he? Therefore, he deserves a lay in at the weekend if he wants one!

YABU!

SheCutOffTheirTails · 10/09/2011 15:37

Big. Fat. LthefuckOL @ having a "chilled out pyjama day" with a 2 year old and a 1 year old.

I'd rather do a 15 hour day at work on no sleep.

TidyDancer · 10/09/2011 16:00

We have different children then, obviously. Have a big fat lol if you want, but it's true.

No fucking way would I ever want to do a full day at work with lack of sleep if I had the option of being in the house with the children instead. I coped much better with lack of sleep when I was on ML, than I did when back at work.

friggFRIGG · 10/09/2011 16:01

"chilled out pyjama day" with a baby and toddler??!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

thats the funniest thing ive heard ALL WEEK.

TidyDancer · 10/09/2011 16:02

Well glad I've amused you! But it doesn't make it any less possible.

TidyDancer · 10/09/2011 16:06

Anyway, this is veering off the point and the silly comments are not helping the OP. Why not trial one lay in each and see how it works? As jokey as the situation may be at the moment, you don't want to see resentment set in over something like this.

friggFRIGG · 10/09/2011 16:09

BTW,if you'd said you were up every night with the DC,then yes i would have said you should get both most weekends,but as its only once or twice a week then,sorry,but one each is fair.

FredBare · 10/09/2011 16:15

one each, no question

FredBare · 10/09/2011 16:17

Big. Fat. LthefuckOL @ having a "chilled out pyjama day" with a 2 year old and a 1 year old.

you must be doing it wrong then, perfectly possible and quite enjoyable :)

DizzyKipper · 10/09/2011 16:22

One each seems fair. If you have an issue with him not getting up during the night then you should talk to him about it and get him to do his fair share of waking up in the night rather than try to claim an extra lie in instead. If he's not getting up/waking up then just wake him and allow him to take his turn. However, after speaking with him about this he may decide he'd rather forgo the lie in and not have to get up instead, which would pretty much lead to where you're at right now but with the addition of him having some decision about it all rather than you just deciding.

happyhorse · 10/09/2011 16:27

You should each get a lie in. To make up for you getting up in the night, you should get a couple of hours in the afternoon to nap on the day that he has his lie in.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 10/09/2011 17:01

Maybe you have the kind of children who are happy to sit around in their pyjamas all day chilling out.

I do not.

stripeybump · 10/09/2011 17:07

Tbh it sounds like you would both rather have weekend lie-ins and get up in the night but you're not giving your DH that option, are you?

Let him do half the week-time get-ups and have a lie-in each at the weekend. If he'd prefer that you continue doing all the get-ups, then yes you should have both lie-ins.

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