Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should get an extra lie in

90 replies

Sunflowergirl2011 · 09/09/2011 22:13

hope you can help solve a silly argument between DH and me. We have a 1yr old and a 2 yr old so sleep is at a premium in our house! During the week we get up at similar times, him for work, me with the children. On weekends we always disagree about who should get a lie in. He thinks we should get one each,
I think that as I am the one who gets up in the night if the children wake up ( unless they both wake up in which case we both do), I should get both lie ns if I like! I don't mind ( much!) that often he doesn't wake up in the night when do, but I do think that the lost sleep and broken sleep should mean I get the bonus lie ins. AIBU?
PS- I have other ways to 'persuade him' iyswim , but we genuinely can't see where the other is coming from on this so would appreciate your views.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunflowergirl2011 · 09/09/2011 22:48

And some of the people on her (those of you who have agreed with me of course :)) are my new favourite mumsnetters and I wish you much sleep tonight.

OP posts:
my2centsis · 09/09/2011 22:48

lol i also think you should get a lie in each... i would be very happy if i got 1 lie in... dp usually gets up at 7 during the week, i get up at about 7.15 with dd, Im 6months pregnant and dd gets up between 1 and 6 times a night (BAD sleeper) and everytime she wakes up baby then wakes up and has a play for about 30mins, and i don't get any lie ins, Saturday we usually have things to do so both get up early, Sunday dp usually gets up between 10 and 11 and im still up at 7ish... I think you should both be very grateful to each other to get a sleep in each :)

Original poster
Sunflowergirl2011 · 09/09/2011 22:50

Ps- he has just said that I shouldn't get a lie in as 'you don't mind getting up with them, it's like you hobby isn't it'.
Looking forward to showing him this thread :)

OP posts:
fivegomadindorset · 09/09/2011 22:51

Still firmly in your DH's camp when you print this off.

Original poster
Sunflowergirl2011 · 09/09/2011 22:53

My2centis-you have my sympathies, you are pregnant, should work on that Sunday lie in :) I am very grateful for 1lie in, but 2 would be better. as all parents know, you can never have too much sleep!

OP posts:
SheCutOffTheirTails · 09/09/2011 22:58

my2 - your post is incredibly sad.

Nobody should have to be grateful for being treated better than that.

Sunflower - tell him that since he misses out on all the special times you get with your girls during the week that it's only fair that you give HIM the privilege of spending the magical mornings alone with them.

It really would be incredibly selfish of you to intrude on such a special bonding occasion for a man and his daughters as early on a weekend morning.

Zimbah · 09/09/2011 22:58

You're awake for up to 2 hours in the night? In that case, you definitely get both lie-ins, with an occasional lie-in for DH every few weeks. Exceptions for illness/excessive working hours on his part/if he starts dealing with night wakings.

Yama · 09/09/2011 23:02

A lie in each is fair as otherwise one of you wouldn't have anything to look forward to.

Where I think there is unreasonableness is that only one of you gets up in the night. How on earth is that fair? And why do you agree to it?

As, I did all the night breastfeeds untilt the dc were 7/8 months, dh does most of the subsequent night settlings. Fair's fair.

my2centsis · 09/09/2011 23:34

sunflower sleep whats sleep?? believe me i have tried to get sleep ins, but when dd comes in to our bed in the mornings, i have to get up and let the dogs out, turn fire on, open curtains etc so by the time iv done all that am wide awake anyway so going back to sleep would mean more broken sleep which i already get enough of.. i tell dp to get up but somehow when i come back in 20min hes asleep, so i get dd breakfast etc then sit on my butt for half hour on MN while i have my porridge...pregnancy craving lol

SheCutOffTheirTails.. what do you mean my post is sad Confused

Takitezee · 09/09/2011 23:50

I think you should have one lie-in each. You say that you get up in the night but you don't really sound as if you mind it, in fact seemed pleased that they want you and not your dh in the night.

I also think he should take a turn at getting up in the night on one night at weekends. If you start shoving him every time they wake up he'll tune himself in pretty quickly.

skybluepearl · 10/09/2011 00:02

I think either he has one lay in and helps with 50% of the night wakes OR you get both the lay ins and he does non of the night waking.

skybluepearl · 10/09/2011 00:03

if you are up in the night you get the lay in. simple as

SheCutOffTheirTails · 10/09/2011 01:09

It doesn't even really count as a lie in if you are just catching up on lost sleep.

A lie in is an extra- long sleep.

What he is asking for is that he should get the only lie in at the expense of your chance to catch up on a week's worth of broken sleep.

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe · 10/09/2011 01:29

I still stand by your Dp.

My 11month old BF ds2 still wakes up every 2/3hrs at night. Sometimes more and has done every night since he was born.

Dp works away so has a full nights sleep every night in a hotel during the week, But he wakes up 2 hrs before I do to get to work and is working 13/14hr days in the office, and also had a bloody long drive back on a Friday night.

Do I think I'm more entitled to a lie in than him because I haven't had more than 3 hrs sleep in one go for 11 months?

No I don't, we both work bloody hard therefore we both get one lie in at the weekend!

It is only fair!

SheCutOffTheirTails · 10/09/2011 01:34

You are "standing by" her husband?

Arf :o

I think that pretty much sums up the "someone needs to stick up for the poor menz" attitude that recommends that women's needs are less important than men's indulgences.

Annpan88 · 10/09/2011 04:10

I'm still breast feeding and my DH tends to let me have the lie ins. If he's gone out or is partocularly tired I don't mind, but he's really understanding of the fact that I haven't had a full nights slEep in over 6 months.

I guess one each is in some way fair but then he should get up at night

Annpan88 · 10/09/2011 04:12

And I would trade the lie ins for a full nights sleep no question

CowboysGal · 10/09/2011 04:31

YouHaveNoPower your DP gets full,uninterrupted nights sleep in room-serviced hotel each weeknight while you wake every couple of hours every single night to feed your child and you'd still share out the lie ins equally? WOW! Does he know how lucky he is?

EverythingsNotRosie · 10/09/2011 06:58

Here DH has the lie ins and I have early nights and afternoon naps at the weekend. We share getting up in the night now we are both working full time although I probably get up more as I am easier to disturb! I don't think either of us feel like we have enough sleep but this is the best we can come up with.

cluelessnchaos · 10/09/2011 07:07

I think neither of you should lie in, get to bed an hour earlier and both of you get up at the same time. Dh and I just argued over lie ins so unless one of us is ill then we are all up

ballstoit · 10/09/2011 07:11

I think you should get a lie in each and he should help you with sleep training your DC for a couple of weeks...if they only wake up one or two nights a week then they don't need to be awake at all IMO.

If you choose not to sleep train them when DH thinks it's a good idea (from his 'hobby' comment, it seems he thinks you enjoy getting up) you should share the lie ins.
If you choose to sleep train and he won't help, then you should get all of them.

Elderberries · 10/09/2011 07:17

Well I lie in each in the morning and then you you should get an afternoon nap if you need it if you have had a disturbed night.

If DH and I are woken up very early then one of us will get up at 5.00 say and then go back to bed at 6.30 when the other takes over. Then we all convene at 8.00 - 830 for brekky or whatever. Just at weekends and not every morning.

Bizzyashell · 10/09/2011 07:44

Blokes should not get away with this 'I don't hear them' malarkey. It is a complete cop out. If we didn't take responsibility for getting up in the night we would happily not hear them as well. Perhaps train him to hear them - a sharp nudge and 'it's your turn' - worked well in my case and after a while was hardly necessary as he worked out it was quicker to respond n get back to bed. Share the nights n share the lie ins was the rule in our house. Plus the kids get used to other people settling them than their mum which permits nights out for both of you in time.

suzi2 · 10/09/2011 07:46

I think it depends. If you're up that night, then you get the lie in for sure. If you're not then it's an even split. A lot depends on what you do in the day too. My DH needs to hold down a job, I don't. However I need to drive children which isn't good when sleep deprived.

When our two were at their worst (DD didn't sleep through more than once a month until age 4!) I got most of the lie-ins simply because I was most exhausted. Whoever got up early with DS often went back to bed at 8am after the other had a lie in. Or I'd take the kids out to let DH have an afternoon nap (I struggle to nap, he loves them).

Today DD came through at 6:15 complaining of a sore ear. She then fell off the bed and woke DS. I'm up with them as although we're both busy today, DH has the kids by himself and is driving quite far with them. So I'd rather he was more rested than me.

midwife99 · 10/09/2011 08:30

What we used to do was I did all the night feeds Sunday to Thursday night so he could at least function at work. He did all the night feeds fri & sat night (me with earplugs in & a pillow over my head) so I could stay sane. Then as the baby got older & slept through he had a lie in Saturday, I had a lie in Sunday. You are being unreasonable. Your system means he NEVER has a lie in.