To tell my son he has ADHD?

[HairyBeaver]

Hi my 6 year old son has just started year 2 at school and just been diagnoised with ADHD.

His main issues are with hyperactivity, impulsiveness and his major issue is lack of concentration. He has to have one to one teaching or he won't do any work as he goes off with the fairies.

His not a naughty boy and only gets into trouble at school for shouting out, not sitting still etc, classic actions which come from his above actions.

I'm due to go to a day course next month with the local ADHD/mental health team to learn new parenting skills to help him at home. I've also asked his new teacher for a meeting with her and the SENCO to see how badly he is behind in his school work (was told he was last term) and how to get him back up to his level.

Now do I tell him he has this condition? Would he be able to process and understand this?

So really its more of a WWYD?

Thanks

As a teacher in secondary I would suggest telling your child would be the best option (although parents are probably better at suggesting when). I taught a lovely boy whose parents refused to tell him of his diagnosis, it was obvious that he was intelligent and knowing would give him the tools to deal with his difference. You could see there would be a lot of resentment when he did find out. Also having more open annual reviews can surely only be better for the child. In slight defence of buster though I have come across several parents who really do use asd/ADHD diagnosis as an excuse for their lack of parenting, it makes me' so angry as this is what fuels tabloid sensationalism and public misunderstanding of these issues and makes life a damn sight more difficult for people like the op.

Add message | Report | Message poster roundtable Sat 10-Sep-11 07:23:30

Bustergut as a fellow teacher, may I suggest you ask for training on how to support children with ASD in your classroom, pronto. Also, you sound very jaded against a particular child, you need to get support for that. A teacher's role is to ensure ALL children get a decent and quality education. You need to grow a thicker skin or learn a bit of empathy from the sounds of it.

Well said!! I am a teacher and teach secondary kids with ADHD in mainstream and in a special facility. Most teachers are well trained and commited to inclusion and understanding the various social, emotional, physical and educational needs of every child they teach. We have regular training and I have to say, I am trying to think of the last time I had a behavioural issue in the classroom that was a big deal.

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Ages?! Because we have worked with parents, SEN specialists and the child themselves to make the environment and approaches we use the best possible!

An yes, because they are teenagers you occassionally get a kid who flings their SEN on the table as an excuse for bad behaviour. This is where OUR education is vital as with each student I can usually tell the difference between associated behaviours and trying it on - usually a suppressed smile, a and a 'Reeeeeeeally?' ('I can't stop talking, I have ADHD, you know') usually results in a smile back and an abashed face. Nothing wrong with some humour, buster.

I, for one, would rather a child threw it out there as a defense to try it on now and again than cringe and feel confused and embarassed and overwhelmed.

YANBU OP - he can have a lovely time a school with your support

Commenting on

Epic post, hit a nerve, sorry!

Fortunately there is a lot more awareness and training 'out there' now.
Going off on a slight tangent (coz I can) if you look at any disorder or syndrome you can normally pick out quite of chunk of the behaviours that apply to yourself or someone close to you. It's when these traits become extrreme or affect day-to-day life that you have to manage the problem/behaviour/situation.

In defenese of teachers, indeed class room staff, when faced with 30+ children who are grouped together because of academic ability - and this becomes much more evident in large secondary schools - you will have a class containing perhaps, dyselxia, dyspraxia, ADHD, OCD, ODD, physical disability etc and as I say they are grouped because they have a similar academic ability but not the same individual requirements - it is a difficult situation to get these children to sit down let alone manage an hour to keep them all actively engaged. It is a different set of techniques entirely to teach a top set who walk in sit down, put thair pencil cases on the desk and have the mindset to learn.

Dare I say it - well I will - a secondary school teacher would think they died and went to heaven if they taught in an independent or grammar school; similarly a grammar or independent teacher would be sobbing by 12 noon and possibly running for the hills by 3pm.

I suppose I should be doing a new thread on the changes to the state system now schools are falling over themselves to be academies. From what I see it is a money saving device and class sizes are massively increasing. In 5 years I've seen a year group condensed from 8 sets to 6. The two bottom sets used to have 15-20 children in. Now they have 34-38. Try managing twice the amount of children with twice the 'issues'. Take that up a notch to GCSE options where you have a subject with a fairly low uptake. Put 30 children in a classroom with totally mixed ability and the knock on effect to the brighter children who get totally overlooked, simply because the funding isn't there to allow two classes of 15.

I knew I wasn't alone, thanks tante

Hopefully posters will realise that most teachers want the best for all their children they teach.

Going back to the telling him or not...

Six year olds are absolutely capable of understanding things like ADHD - as long as you don't get too technical,lol.

I'd agree with whoever said to take the time to get a but used to it and find out about it yourself first.

Remember that you can do it gradually there's no need to just sit him down and tell him...

All dogs have ADHD is good for that, because it is just about dogs and it's sweet and funny, so it's good for just introducing the concept.

Thank you voidka, ive just ordered ds some toys from that website :)

Thank you everyone for your wise words and advice MNetters :)

I am a teacher and it helped a lot last year when a boy with suspected aspergers was told about his diagnosis. we often had little chats about it and it helped him quietly manage his own behaviour in class and begin to make friends. He was very high achieving in some areas, but completely lacking in others which made him seem immature and rude to some of the other children. he used the internet to 'look up' his condition and then told me how he could recognise himself in some of the elements of the description. we still had to remind him about restraint and acceptable behaviour at times, by encouraging him to think about the wider implications of his actions and also advice on managing friendships. on the whole his acceptance and understanding of his condition made it easier for him and the teachers- along the lines of you will always have this, now how can you find ways to help yourself both in school and at home. In a way i think he felt relieved as he was aware that he did not always think/ behave/ react as most of the other kids would. I think he was about 9 when told.

I would also like to add that my DS school/teachers are brilliant. I have never personally encountered attitudes like Busters from any school staff, though I have heard through friends some stuff that appalled me.

My DS school has been incredibly supportive and I have a good 'working' relationship with them.

OP Im glad to hear that you too feel supported by your sons school as IME it makes such a difference.

Im not sure if anyones mentioned ADDIS? a friend of mine with a DC with a diagnosis of ADHD found their website helpful ADDIS WEBSITE

To second what someone else said, I agree that familiarising yourself with what it all means prior to speaking to your son about it is a good idea, if you feel 'in the know' it will be much easier to answer any questions he may ask.

It can be hard to process your DCs diagnosis, give yourself time. He will IMO fare much better if you have a positive attitude as you possibly can about it, I found that knowing as much as possible helped me with this when my son was going through the assessment and subsequent diagnosis of Autism.

Good luck.

HairyBeaver - I see it got a bit fighty, as AIBU sometimes does.

Hope things work out OK for you and you haven't been upset by any of it.

Did you know there is a What Would You Do section? It tends to be less shouty. :)

There's also a Special Needs section, but you need to opt in to be able to see it, and I hear it's very friendly in there.

Check your inbox HairyBeaver

Blimey! I'm not that evil! I use visual aids, I give asd and adhd children choices, they're allowed to work outside in the quiet if the classroom gets too much for them, I explain without metaphor.... i'm not evil honest. Although I agree that asd children need to understand clearly how the adults are going to help with his/her condition, and make him/her feel safe, I don't think a 7 year old needs to know the label 'asd'.

Our problems have arisen with a local paediatrician who diagnoses adhd at the drop of a hat and hands out adhd medication like sweeties. I worry about SOME of these children being given a wrong diagnosis, and the more manipulative children using their 'label' to excuse their own actions.

"I don't think a 7 year old needs to know the label 'asd'."

So what do you call it then, when it's a child aware of their difficulties? Or do you think it's fine for a 7 year old to know that they are different from other children but have no idea why?

I'm guessing you've never had to deal with a crying child asking why nobody likes them and telling you that they're 'rubbish' because they can't do things that everyone else can?

As for the "wrong diagnosis" - you honestly think that your opinion as a teacher is more valid than a trained medical specialist?

Also from what i've experianced they don't habd out meds like sweeties, quite the opposite and they have some bad side effects.

My DS will not be taking meds for the foreseeable future unless his disabilitity gets serverely worse.

BusterGut - why don't they need to know what they have? Why do you think they wouldn't cope? If it was something physical I suspect you'd have little or no hesitation in telling them exactly what the condition was called and explain to them at their level exactly how it was going to affect them, what treatment they'd be having etc. So what's the difference?

DS1 has ADHD, DS2 has Asperger's - they have both always known and I have never hidden anything from them. DS1 has just started his IT apprenticeship and DS2 is starting his |GCSE's in top sets. They wereboth diagnosed young and coped well.

border I've had fantastic schools and schools where I wouldn't let them look after a cat never mind a SN child. I had to fight too and we as parents do right to fight them. I've pulled my son out of one school as his teacher was just like buster and not up to the job of caring for SN child as didnt have the first bliddy clue.

Hope everyones children are in schools who deserve to have such special children.

Buster. DS1 had a teacher a lot like you, last year. He had a terribly behaved year, refusing to even get dressed for school by the end of the first week.

His attitude is so much better, this year, now he's back with teachers who believe in him and empower him and allow him to be different in a positive way.

Buster you don't see just how useless you are do you? I was prepared to listen to your excuses until I saw you wrote I don't think a 7 year old needs to know the label 'asd'. It's not a label it's a diagnosis that describes sets of behaviours. ASD is not a label, it normally takes several weeks even several months longer even. God it scares me that you are anywhere near children.

My son's old teacher who could be you in all honesty told a multidisciplinary hearing to find out how to help my child resettle into school (a school where he had an exemplarly record until this moron teacher started after he had sent him to his first suicide attempt, that he didnt need the hassle and could get better paid work elsewhere.

Perhaps you should too.

You should also accept that your training on children with mental health issues is extremely limited and from your posts your knowledge gaps are massive.

I moved my child to another school and the teachers there were brilliant, wonderful, amazing, they cared, they didn't judge, unlike you they kept their minds open and took advice and support from CAMHS and autism support service, they helped and supported my child to be the best he could be. Then when it came to secondary we started all over again.

Thankfully we never came across another teacher like you buster

I pity the children who have to be taught by your particularly those with SN.

Our problems have arisen with a local paediatrician who diagnoses adhd at the drop of a hat and hands out adhd medication like sweeties.

FFS please tell me you are not really a teacher because the more your write the more cliches and ignorant statements you throw about. How do you know what the diagnostic practices are of a single paediatrician, it's not your business, you won't have access to the children's medical files. That's confidential.

If you are a teacher, my God help the children you teach.

God help the poor mites.

ouryre I've got steam coming out of my ears it's brought me back to the same attitude my son's teacher had when he couldn't cope with his OCD, the teacher tried to bully it out of him and he tried to kill himself.

Moving him away from this beast was the best thing I could have done for him.

Some people should not sully the good name of teaching by calling themselves one. They bring the profession down when most do a fantastic job.

I'm so grateful I found another secondary school who supported him and after a rough start in a secondary a second move has found him in a mainstream school where the teachers understand him, support him and make him to be the best he can be.

In the past there were non-standardised assessments, diagnoses and treatments of ADHD used by paeds/psychs - that's no longer the case since the introduction of ADHD NICE Guidelines, in 2006. Similiarly, for Autism/ASC.

It's always difficult to revise any existing diagnosis if new information comes to light or diagnostic guidelines, medication protocols change.

But I think that the real problem is that some children with ADHD, ASC, etc are subject to ineffectual parenting and that becomes the focus of attention rather than the fact that some children are suffering from both

It's like children with ADHD+behaviour problems and where the emphasis is placed on the poor behaviour and ignores the developmental difficulties.

In order for children to consent to treatment [medication, here] by law they have to understand the nature of their condition and it's treatment [risks & benefits] Its accepted that almost all 10 yr olds can give meaningful consent and some children as young as 8.

I don't think anyone would agree with not telling a child that they have epilepsy or other physical illness? So why the difference?

sorry quite a bit of x posting there with lara. Internet kept disconnecting.

fargate it's not for a teacher to decide that its ineffectual parenting. The idiot teacher who decided my son wasn't mentally ill also decided to label me as overprotective to cover his own total inadequacies.

I believe totally that if a mental health professional has diagnosed any mental health condition, particularly as you say rightly since 2006 a teacher would be well advised not to pretend to know more than the specialists.

Those kinds of teachers are very dangerous indeed. Thank goodness they are in the minority, a huge minority. Shame they still exist though.

I know this is a long thread but just wanted to add my experience. I recently told my daughter (9) of her Aspergers diagnosis. I used the book 'All Cats Have Aspergers' which is similar to 'All dogs have ADHD'. It is a brilliant book and she read it again and again and now quotes it back to us. It has really helped her to understand why she is so special and some of the issues she struggles with she are not her 'fault'. It has been a really positive experience telling her and I cannot recommend the books highly enough. Good luck with telling your DS.

I think you are missing my point mitmoo.

What I'm saying, in defence of buster, is that children can have a diagnosed developmental disorder in addition to unhelpful parenting. ie Both.

And, sometimes the parenting difficulties are more apparent to teachers than the underlying ADHD/ASC etc so these difficulies may be over-emphasised when actually it's a complex interaction of the two factors.

When the parenting problems are extreme and/or the developmental disorder is also severe or not typical - it can take a team of professionals to make a full assessment of the child and family's needs - the class teacher and SENCO are a vital part of that team and have contributions which no other professional can make.

That's all. I'm not blaming anyone for anything.

sorry ........an in-patient team of professionals to make a full assessment .........