To tell my son he has ADHD?

[HairyBeaver]

Hi my 6 year old son has just started year 2 at school and just been diagnoised with ADHD.

His main issues are with hyperactivity, impulsiveness and his major issue is lack of concentration. He has to have one to one teaching or he won't do any work as he goes off with the fairies.

His not a naughty boy and only gets into trouble at school for shouting out, not sitting still etc, classic actions which come from his above actions.

I'm due to go to a day course next month with the local ADHD/mental health team to learn new parenting skills to help him at home. I've also asked his new teacher for a meeting with her and the SENCO to see how badly he is behind in his school work (was told he was last term) and how to get him back up to his level.

Now do I tell him he has this condition? Would he be able to process and understand this?

So really its more of a WWYD?

Thanks

Bustergut - are you one of the teachers my DD has had to endure through primary school? Who refused to make reasonable adjustments for her disabilities? Who wouldn't use the visual aids for my DD to express her emotions(asd). Who wouldn't keep a seat at the front of the class so she could lip-read (also partially deaf), then give her detention when she didn't get on with her work (because she hadn't heard the instructions fully). Who wouldn't stop others from calling her names because of her disabilities, then punishing my DD for lashing out? Who, despite my DD having a heart problem that will need open heart surgery in 2.5yrs, insist that my DD has to do a lunchtime detention each time she needs to rest during a PE lesson.

YOU, Bustergut, are the reason that getting a good education for a child with SN is almost impossible. Because the sad reality is, that a LOT of teachers feel like this, refusing to be understanding about disabilities.

Buster, firstly my son doesnt have ASD and secondly my son has NEVER thrown chairs around. He is not naughty and violent. He just can't sit still or stop from shouting answers out, this is due to his impulsive issues.

It's people like you buster that makes me not want to tell people what my son has as it's often perceived that the kids with ADHD are just little shits that need a good slap.

Thank you to everyone else for your advice and support. My son already knows his different as last term he said "I'm not going to bother doing the work as I always get it wrong anyway"

This was due to him not listening to the instructions of what to do and a session would pass and he wouldn't of done ANY work. This was before he under went assessment ad after 1 session of sensory circuits he wrote a whole page of work which he has never done, ever!

Im going to go to the library on Monday and see what they have and also ask his teacher if it's ok to buy those fiddle rotator him.

Oh and buster if I was to get some benefits for my DS condition, I will be spending it on either a private tutor to get him up to stratch or educational books to do at home. I may even get him a kindle as he does need help with reading...

Also Buster the school doctor who assessed him said that he wasn't like other cases of ADHD as he wasn't running around and managed to sit on the chair the whole time, albeit fidgeting constantly.

She also said that he was a lovely, sweet little boy so go figure.

Do you not realise that each and every case is different and vast? Some kids may use their disabilitly as a get out clause, but thats down to the individual, same as some kids may be violent.

You made quite a sweeping generalisation about kids with disabilities and quite frankly i'm glad your not his teacher.

Also I only posted this as I wasn't sure if a 6 year old could process and understand their dx

Hairybeaver Could i just mention, both from a classroom perspective AND a home perspective, I also know children with ADHD. Some like your son, you would never equate with the sterotype (and the sterotype is violent tendancies) and learn to manage their conditon very well.

Others however - and I hear this mantra daily - not just at work - "don't make me angry, I've got ADHD, I'll hit you". It has been used as an excuse for poor behaviour. What you need to be careful of or be aware of is: if he has a lable and another child has the same lable , with poor behaviour, that your son might emulate and that poor behaviour because it brings rewards.

One of my sons has ASD and I didn't tell him, someone else did , I just used the line "your brain is wired differently and you think differently".

Bustergut as a fellow teacher, may I suggest you ask for training on how to support children with ASD in your classroom, pronto. Also, you sound very jaded against a particular child, you need to get support for that. A teacher's role is to ensure ALL children get a decent and quality education. You need to grow a thicker skin or learn a bit of empathy from the sounds of it.

To everyone else, can I assure them that as far as I'm aware, that is not the general attitude of teachers today. Please don't tar us all with the same brush.

To the OP, it sounds a very good idea to tell your child about their diagnosis, along with any strategies you may be working on together? That way child, parent and school are all working together, which can only be a good thing.

Trois - I completely understand that some children will be like that, but I wouldn't let my son think that way. If he tried it i'd soon tell him not too

I think the fact that Buster is a teacher and has this warped view is what has got my back up, I feel sorry for any children s/he may teach with any disabilities.

Can I just add that my sons school has been absolutly fantastic, always there for advice/support etc. Not once judged my son and understand his capabilities and cater and adjust their teaching methods to suit him. His year 1 teacher wanted to get a DX asap as in her words, they are quite understanding of my son and know he can't help it whereas other teachers won't be so wanted a DX so he would'nt be labelled the bad kid.

I decided to tell my 7 year old DS that he has ADHD as he wanted to know why he was having time off school to go to the doctors and he was in the room when I was talking to the Dr about his behaviour/symptoms and he heard the term ADHD being discussed. I bought these 2 books which were useful in helping explain ADHD to him.

The school have also used the books to help explain to his friends why DS takes medication and has fiddle toys etc.

I however do not allow my DS to use his ADHD as an excuse for bad behaviour.

Hairybuster - Happy to answer any questions you may have. Took me a long time to come to terms with my DS' diagnosis.

www.amazon.co.uk/Dr-Spot-Casebook-ADHD-Spots/dp/1902463889/ref=sr_1_7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315636686&sr=1-7

www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Cant-Jimmy-Sit-Still/dp/0882822519/ref=sr_1_11?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315636686&sr=1-11

Thank you happymummy for the links. I only got the DX letter on Wednesday so it's still quite raw for me and Busters view makes me want to cry as my DS could come across this type of person in his life and it makes me very angry/sad.

I think i'll feel more reassured when i've had the meeting with his teacher and SENCO and attended the day course next month.

At the moment i'm feeling quite down about it as no-one wants their child to be "different" or labelled as such.

My son has ASD and we told him when he was about 8. It was necessary because he was starting to get depressed and saying things like "why do I hurt people sometimes?" and "I'm really stupid". We had advice from our autism outreach service and we made him a social story, with information about ASD in it and how it related to him. We used pictures of him and we described him as having an autistic way of thinking. It did help him, because his self esteem was very low. It still is. He does sometimes say "I can't help" it, which I find very annoying when it comes to bad behaviour, but we've never gone along with that. We always say, yes you find it more difficult to behave well sometimes, but that is no excuse for your behaviour. It just means you have to try harder. He is 14 now, and I reckon most teenagers would say "it's not my fault" and it's something you constantly have to challenge. But I have no regrets about telling him as I think he was heading for a depression and telling him helped him to talk about what was going on in his head and not feel so isolated.

Completely agree justabout, I just wasn't sure if a 6 year old can process and understand such information without confusing them and making them feel alienated from the rest of the class IYSWIM?

I suppose I mother him too much and don't give him enough credit to what he can and can't understand, i've only just stopped cutting up his dinners for him as I didn't think he could do it.

Sorry if this sounds ignorant but are ADHD and ASD related?

I suppose I mother him too much and don't give him enough credit to what he can and can't understand, i've only just stopped cutting up his dinners for him as I didn't think he could do it.

I think we are all guilty of that! Not always a case of 'cant do it' - more like 'it's quicker/less messy if I do it' !!!!

ASD is part of the autism spectrum which will include Aspergers and is a neurological disorder

ADHD and the related complaints such as OCD, ODD, AHD are psychiatric disorders.

HB, sometimes kids who are dx with ADHD are also on the spectrum. I'm not sure if there's a 'link' as such.

I think telling him is the way to go, I've never known kids use their dx as an excuse for their 'special needs' behaviour (I nearly spat my tea out reading that!!!) and I work with quite a few kids with ADHD.

We are beginning the process of assessment with our youngest son (possible aspergers) and we will be telling him if/when he gets a diagnosis.

Trois, is that true re the spectrum? Well, you learn something new every day!!!

Ignore me, I have my stupid head on this morning and am talking nonsense!!

"he wasn't like other cases of ADHD as he wasn't running around and managed to sit on the chair the whole time, albeit fidgeting constantly."

Sounds exactly like my DP as a child and his lack of classic hyperactivity was one of the reasons we struggled to get a Dx for so long. Especially after a lifetime of being made to sit on his hands (metaphorically and tragically literally, on occasion).

OP, Buster getting your back up and the way you've calmly handled it with factual responses on here is just all good practice for the (hopefully minimal) ignorant attitudes you might encounter in RL. Your DSs school sounds fab but many people are still extremely ignorant when it comes to ADHD. Even Mr. VPs GP was cynical about the condition (duly ditched - obv) and even our very own (beloved and otherwise fab in every way) SiL and BiL are reluctant to discuss the ADHD as my BiL is not convinced

It is irritating that conditions can be used as an excuse in the way troisgarcons observes, and also quite irritating that the lesser-understood ADHD and those who live with it are often just lumped in with all of the other ASDs, (as above) but thats all that is - an irritation. Sounds like your DS is getting the support and understanding he needs to handle an awareness of the condition and its name.

Btw, fiddle rotator? whats that and where can I get me one for my perpetual fidgeter?

^ADHD is a psychiatric disorder. I have NEVER heard of that.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but can you point me in the direction of some reading to follow that viewpoint up?

I have always heard of it spoken as neurological, especially by paediatricians. The research is increasingly pointing towards a neurological origin too, isn't it?^

This is entirely my understanding too. I would also like to see evidence that confirms otherwise

Thanks for the link to the books. Have just ordered the Jimmy one. It is very relevant as my son has just turned 8 and is a cub scout!

I googled for the difference. I'm a little more clued up on ASD because it affects my family, ADHD I've never really got into the indepth research.

Wiki - not the most reliable source information but for quick reference:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder

Quote: ADHD is the most commonly studied and diagnosed psychiatric disorder in children, affecting about 3 to 5 percent of children globally