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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to allow my baby to hurt herself?

184 replies

ThroughTheRoundWindow · 09/09/2011 16:14

Now, before you all start phoning social services I'm not sitting her at the top of the stairs with a pile of razor blades and letting her do what she will! All I mean is that occasionally I let her play with things (under supervision) which aren't strictly toys and allow her to find out what it can do.

For example yesterday she found an elastic band on the floor. She chewed it and pulled at it happily for 10 minutes before the inevitable happened and it twanged back and hit her in the face. It hurt, she cried, I gave her a hug and less than a minute later she was fine again. She never let go of the elastic band and as soon as I put her down again she started playing with it again. She didn't twang herself in the face again though.

To me this seems ok but I go to a baby group where the Mum's go through the treasure baskets and take out anything they consider might pose a risk (keys too sharp, stick too pointy, pine cone too fragile) and only let the baby touch the really smooth, really boring objects. Always one to doubt myself I do see this and sometimes wonder if I am a bit lassez-faire with my child's safety? And I dread to think what these women would do if they saw my baby at home allowed to eat small food items and chew toys that aren't 100% clean.

To me it is important to let her explore freely, but even more it is important that I trust her to explore. If I can't let her chew and elastic band now, how on earth am I going to let her ride a bike or walk to the shops on her own or any of the 1,000,000 more risky things she needs to do in order to grow up?

Is this reasonable or should I be taking more care?

OP posts:
Peachy · 09/09/2011 19:06

I treated ds1 as the bright gifted child I thought he was

By the time the third regressed I was wiser

Anyhoo am off; evening I think, hope I can find some strong wine.

Peachy · 09/09/2011 19:08

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/09/2011 19:10

Widow - my child's distressing regression is not something I want to think about just so I can argue with people on MN

WidowWadman · 09/09/2011 19:14

But I didn't want to argue with anyone about distressing regression either. People with children who suffer from distressing regression have my fullest sympathy.

LtEveDallas · 09/09/2011 19:19

Mabs, genuine ques, where has OP been rude to the SN community as you put it?

ZombieWhirl · 09/09/2011 19:50

YANBU.

Where are these baby groups with treasure baskets? I've never been to one [pouts]

It sounds like a good attitude. You are ahead of the curve, the other mothers will be more like you once they have two. Can't frisk the treasure basket for dc2 when dc1 is causing havoc.

I am not sure how / why this thread descended into 'you are so rude to people with SN children', it was a shame.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/09/2011 20:04

Because someone was very rude,

Hth

Driftwood999 · 09/09/2011 20:09

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/09/2011 20:11

err it's a regression, which was distressing. How hard is that to comprehend.

poor taste comment or what? Hmm

Lets all make flippant comments about my child losing her skills.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/09/2011 20:13

or were you actually being serious? If so, i am sorry , have been trolled so much I don't know if people are being genuine or obnoxious.

It is not a diagnosis. It is a description.

Fontsnob · 09/09/2011 20:16

Ignoring all the horridness that is on this thread; OP, I was wondering the exact same thing about my own parenting recently. DD climbs on everything, if it is higher than a bump then i am there to catch her. She has learned to get off things safely.

I let her touch the hot (not scalding) water today so that she actually understood what 'hot' meant.

She also twanged herself with my giant elastic head band (not one she is likely to choke on mind).

I draw the line at touching her with a burnt match (which my mum did to me apparently!!) to teach her fire safety though!

She is awsome, a little adventurer, I don't intend to stifle that.I just teach her what is safe and babyproof where I can to provide a safe environment for her to explore in. That said, an empty paddedroom would be about the only place where she couldn't find mischief to make.

YANBU

WidowWadman · 09/09/2011 20:19

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/09/2011 20:20

actually noone can be that stupid, so am reporting that comment.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/09/2011 20:21

driftwoods comment

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 09/09/2011 20:23

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ZombieWhirl · 09/09/2011 20:25

Fanjo- which bit was rude? Seriously asking.

As for driftwoods's comment, I think some people might not know what the phrase meant.

MangoMonster · 09/09/2011 20:26

You don't say how old she is, but it sounds like she could really hurt herself and might be too young to understand.

girliefriend · 09/09/2011 20:28

have missed all the inbetween comments so anyway....... I think in principle YANBU but I like to think I am fairly laid back and I wouldn't let a baby play with a laggy band.

StickThemWithThePointyEnd · 09/09/2011 20:35

Why are people so sensitive? I didn't read anything terribly offensive to set off this slagging match.
A term was used, but I didn't read anything into it, just what was intended.

And fwiw, fanjo, I don't think anyone was attacking your dd's SN or situation. I was also going to google distressing regression because it seemed like it was used as terminology not description.

Lynzjam · 09/09/2011 20:41

Every single object has the potential to do some damage!

I let my DD explore most things. My mum on the other hand says "no! "to DD alot and moves her away.

I don't think you are BU!

itsallgoneabitMrBloom · 09/09/2011 20:48

when I was in my teens I was messing about with an elastic band and accidently flicked myself in the eye Blush it hurt and bled on my eyeball so I do think yabu

Driftwood999 · 09/09/2011 20:52

itsallgoneabitMrBloom - In your teens it's good to be confident around rubber, it could even keep you safe Grin

hazeyjane · 09/09/2011 20:55

What Lulumama, said.

By the way, re the playing with doors comment earlier in the thread. I have always been really careful with dds playing around doors, ever since my sister was 'exploring ' the inner edge of a door, as I closed it and she lost the top of her finger. As adults who are aware of the consequences of actions that children aren't aware of, shouldn't we try to provide them with guidance?

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 09/09/2011 21:00

YABU imo depending on the age of your baby. A young baby won't have the memory or cognitive development to 'learn' that an elastic band in the face will hurt the next time they do it so I don't see anything to gain from letting her play with one. Nor do I think that she should be restricted to boring smooth things - you can get age appropriate toys in a range of colours, textures and shapes.
Your friends sound a bit ott though. I'm sure their babies could have played with some of the things they removed if they were being well supervised ie stopped from chewing them etc.

Fontsnob · 09/09/2011 21:06

Hazeyjane, of course we should give them guidence, I don't think that is the question, i think the question is how much is too much/too little.

And I agree re: doors,and also choking hazards being on the list of things to avoid.