to allow my baby to hurt herself?

[ThroughTheRoundWindow]

Now, before you all start phoning social services I'm not sitting her at the top of the stairs with a pile of razor blades and letting her do what she will! All I mean is that occasionally I let her play with things (under supervision) which aren't strictly toys and allow her to find out what it can do.

For example yesterday she found an elastic band on the floor. She chewed it and pulled at it happily for 10 minutes before the inevitable happened and it twanged back and hit her in the face. It hurt, she cried, I gave her a hug and less than a minute later she was fine again. She never let go of the elastic band and as soon as I put her down again she started playing with it again. She didn't twang herself in the face again though.

To me this seems ok but I go to a baby group where the Mum's go through the treasure baskets and take out anything they consider might pose a risk (keys too sharp, stick too pointy, pine cone too fragile) and only let the baby touch the really smooth, really boring objects. Always one to doubt myself I do see this and sometimes wonder if I am a bit lassez-faire with my child's safety? And I dread to think what these women would do if they saw my baby at home allowed to eat small food items and chew toys that aren't 100% clean.

To me it is important to let her explore freely, but even more it is important that I trust her to explore. If I can't let her chew and elastic band now, how on earth am I going to let her ride a bike or walk to the shops on her own or any of the 1,000,000 more risky things she needs to do in order to grow up?

Is this reasonable or should I be taking more care?

I always remember a BBC programme from a few years ago about children's upbringing around the world. The contrasts with our own experiences could not have been more vivid.

From the baby born in a provincial Russian hospital who, on emerging from its mother and the umbilical cord cut, was taken over to a sink and scrubbed fairly vigorously with a brush under the running tap, before being <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=tightly+swaddled&um=1&hl=en&sa=G&tbm=isch&tbnid=APGx6ajXK6ozZM:&imgrefurl=www.sciencephoto.com/media/290472/enlarge&docid=mWDH21lDf8t5MM&w=530&h=376&ei=QENqTvihBY6q-gbNptHkBA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=278&vpy=224&dur=2297&hovh=189&hovw=267&tx=212&ty=111&page=2&tbnh=126&tbnw=168&start=29&ndsp=32&ved=1t:429,r:9,s:29&biw=1440&bih=710" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">swaddled tightly in a package like a sausage -

• to the little toddler (barely 18 months) somewhere in an African tribe village, copying his mother chopping open large fruits, wielding a large and pretty sharp machete, under minimal supervision.

Both acts that would make pretty much all of us wince with horror - but seemingly commonplace behaviour in those cultures. I'd love to know the infant mortality statistics, however...

no i think thats fine, i have allowed my child to do something far worse, i was almost strung up for doing.

Im always there when they are exploring it

Don't have children, but there is a great book called Don't Sleep There Are Snakes written by a linguist who worked with a tribe in the Amazon. At one point he sees a two-year-old playing with a knife and inflicting shallow cuts on himself. He takes the knife off the two-year-old, only to be greeted with looks of horror by the adults nearby, who promptly give it back again. 'How will he learn if he can't try things out?' they ask disapprovingly.

Possibly not an approach to be tried at local playgroup.

"LOL that will get them all going"

X-post with TalcandTurnips.

My friend's four-year-old is pretty nifty with secateurs (under supervision) though I feel rather nervous watching him!

BunnyWunny Fri 09-Sep-11 17:52:53
un-special-needsy LOL! That will get them all going- most people who most on mumsnet seem to have kids with special needs!

is it me or did that not make any sense......0 out of 10

Urnbu

When my ds fall over when he was little, we used to clap when rushing over to comfort him, so he would stop crying. (one of those falls which don't hurt, if you get me) and he learnt that falling over didn't always mean he was hurt, yes were times when he did hurt himself but most were fine.

This has made life much easier, you know when he's hurt for really even when he's outside on his bike as he just doesn't cry about it, if he's not hurt.

And goes for other things too

Not to say that we just left him when he fell/hurt himself, we always checked him over just didn't make a fuss.

As the mother who let her 7 month old climb the stairs (with me watching) because he was able to and loved it I think I fall in your camp OP

dp has always been the one to hover and panic whereas I believe that learning about the world around them is vital for a child's safety. And as I've only had 2 a&e trips so far (one for a broken leg which happened at someone else's house and one for a finger caught in a door blown by the wind, so neither due to neglect) I don't think it's doing them any harm.

My kids have all used real scissors from a young age and play with household items (ds2 went though a phase of dragging the iron around by it's lead like a dog )... the only thing I'm precious about is the cupboard I keep the baking stuff in which has a lock as the buggers broke my best mixing bowl and the under sink cupboard with the dishwasher tabs and bleachy stuff. Other than that my kids have always had free reign to play with anything within reach.

I distinctly remember in Kindergarten in Germany being given those woodburning design things to make patterned wooden boxes. I was the only child stupid enough to test it on my hand as all the tough german kids had been raised sensibly whereas my mother was a lock every cupboard, childproof the house and wrap in cotton wool type parent

Oh daear bunnyWunny you confuseed my poor little cbrain

i certainly don't post much on MN.

I used to, then recently have found that I can't really, because if I even mention that my child has SN, which is relevant, as I only have one child, who has SN, and my situation is often therefore slightly different to the OP, so I explain why, I get

a) accused of making everything about my child's SN, which is not true. I didn't even mention it in reference to the OP, until accused of being "neurotic".

b) irritating troll-like posters appearing saying "oh hee hee that will wind THEM up" and rubbing their hands with glee?

I mean wtf? Isn't being glad your kids don't have SN enough for you?

CBA with it at all these days.

can't honestly decide if MN is full of trolls or just really ignorant people these days.

And people sneering about "unspecialneedsy"..I hope your kids are past the toddler stage as my DD appeared NT until she was nearly 3.

Anyway, depends how old the baby is- a 3 month with a rubber band is very different to an 11 month old.

I don't think you are being totally UR- it's like the mum who let her baby try mustard after he had screamed repeatedly for it every mealtime, he never screamed for it again!

i think this might even be an "I am leaving MN" post.

It used to be great.

Not so much now.

fango- why did you post in relation to your own child though?- could you not put yourself in the shoes of the OP and answer whether it would be reasonable to let her NT baby play with a rubberband? I think a lot of threads I see do end up being about special needs when they weren't originally so. Like this one!

What a dismissive way to talk about people: "unspecialneedsy". It's not cute BunnyWunny.

It wasn't me!