to allow my baby to hurt herself?

[ThroughTheRoundWindow]

Now, before you all start phoning social services I'm not sitting her at the top of the stairs with a pile of razor blades and letting her do what she will! All I mean is that occasionally I let her play with things (under supervision) which aren't strictly toys and allow her to find out what it can do.

For example yesterday she found an elastic band on the floor. She chewed it and pulled at it happily for 10 minutes before the inevitable happened and it twanged back and hit her in the face. It hurt, she cried, I gave her a hug and less than a minute later she was fine again. She never let go of the elastic band and as soon as I put her down again she started playing with it again. She didn't twang herself in the face again though.

To me this seems ok but I go to a baby group where the Mum's go through the treasure baskets and take out anything they consider might pose a risk (keys too sharp, stick too pointy, pine cone too fragile) and only let the baby touch the really smooth, really boring objects. Always one to doubt myself I do see this and sometimes wonder if I am a bit lassez-faire with my child's safety? And I dread to think what these women would do if they saw my baby at home allowed to eat small food items and chew toys that aren't 100% clean.

To me it is important to let her explore freely, but even more it is important that I trust her to explore. If I can't let her chew and elastic band now, how on earth am I going to let her ride a bike or walk to the shops on her own or any of the 1,000,000 more risky things she needs to do in order to grow up?

Is this reasonable or should I be taking more care?

I DID ANSWER THE OP FIRST WITHOUT MENTIONING MY CHILD.

I MENTIONED MY CHILD BECAUSE SOMEONE ASKED IF I WAS A NEUROTIC OVERPROTECTIVE PARENT.

I SAID NO AS SHE HAS SN SO I HAVE TO BE.

READ THE THREAD.

I HAVE read the thread- you didn't mention SN but you answered in regards to her special needs, as you explained.

Just FWIW Fanjo is my cousin and in no way over protective, she is a lovely kind mother.

HTH

"un-special-needsy LOL! That will get them all going- most people who most on mumsnet seem to have kids with special needs!"

you laughed at it. Thought it was worthy of that.

no i did not. I answered in regard to looking after a baby until it understands.

Much later I mentioned her SN, as it was relevant. Why the fuck can't I mention it? It doesn't have to change the whole thread, it's just relevant to ME , one poster.

Anyway I am off, sick of people apparently following me around posting this same old shit.

Should I have pretended my child did not have SN and never mention it? Apparently so.

But point taken - you did not coin the term

Anyway, I will leave MN for a bit, since I seem unable to post on a thread without gleeful shit-stirrers derailing it and trying to make out its my fault, it's not fair on the OPs.

It's been a blast, mostly

FFS. "unspecialneedsy" was meant to be shorthand for "playgroup of children with no known special needs". Didn't want to write "normal" as I assumed that people might take offense.

What term can I use which is not deemed offensive? Genuine question, as I really don't know.

However I get the feeling that some posters are taking offense for the sake of it. I never commented on children with special needs. Nor do I think that children with special needs need to go into different playgroups. Also, I don't advocate children choking on rubberbands. But I find it madness to protect children of whatever needs from pinecones.

WW - it was twee and dismissive, to my ears, but I'll accept you didn't mean it that way

NT, or Neuro-typical, seems to be an accepted term

OP, you sound great and responsible, thoughtful and fun for children. Our children were brought up with this approach. Being introduced, in a managed way to risk and new experiences. I pity children that do not have the privilge of the same. It's called " scaffolding" in child development terms.

I don't disagree with the OP in general, but I'd draw the line at rubber bands, because of the danger of choking.

This thread seems to have gone a bit AWOL, but if you're still reading OP, YANBU IMO - I'm much the same, but often get sideways glances at baby groups when I let my 9 month old touch grass

bunny, you're out of line.

fanjo, there's still some sanity on here, don't worry

OP, YABU , but i understand your sentiments, but i would not let a baby play/chew with an elastic band or balloon or anything like that due to the choking risk

and mentioning SN is fine, the thread can encompass all parents and all children, surely, not just NT children? All threads divert to some extent

shineoncrazydiamond - intense, worthy and over thinking? You've summed me up perfectly! :)

MABS - in a thread of valid, if differing, opinions you have managed to be singularly unpleasant. I hope you feel proud.

Of course wouldn't let DD choke and have done 1st aid. I hope as she gets older i'll feel confident to let her fall off walls etc too. Rather pleased to know this kind of slacking off has a "proper" name. Scaffolding eh driftwood999?

Thanks, lulumama, means a lot

OP, YANBU - I let my ds bite balloons, play with plastic bags and fall off the sofa too. I draw the line at licking shoes/wheels or money in the mouth but otherwise I let him get on with it.

I'm a bit puzzled by the thing with the SN only having become apparent later in life - surely that means that until then you have regarded your child as not having special needs, and accordingly would have treated it like a child with no apparent special needs.

In this case the special needs of your child don't make any difference to the described situation, as your 11 months old would be no different to any other 11 months old and the question whether they should be allowed to chew pinecones or twang themselves with rubber bands.

fanjo x

I feel very proud I assure you :) I think a several of your posts are extremely ignorant and offensive to the SN community. Whether you do or not is up to you, but imho they are offensive. Anyway, back to RL so off out to dinner, have a nice eve ladies.