to expect my Dh to be able to wipe his backside properly...

[effingcrossnamechanger]

... so that I don't end up with skid marks on my clean sheets? Yes really.

Oh sweet mary mother of god. We had a thread a few years back on MN about something similar - it was so gross it was unreal. This is awful! I couldn't stand for it, I really couldn't Did he run his arse along the bed like a dog?? How on earth did it get there? OH my lord, get him some flushable wipes!

Natural baby, I saw that one too.

In fact I wondered whether the man on tv might be the OPs DH?!

"Did he run his arse along the bed like a dog?? "

Oh, I´m glad I´m not the only one who thought & posted that!

that is truly grim. we still have packets of baby wipes on top of the toilets in our house because, even tho ds is 5 and a half now and is of course fully independent in wiping, DH and I have discovered the joys of a moist wipe after normal toilet roll duties.

Just makes you (feel) so much fresher and cleaner - bit like when you think oh i can't be bothered using face cleanser tonight, but then do it, look at the cotton pad and go EEURK never realised there was so much muck on my skin ..... well you get my meaning i'm sure ...

OP UABU, if you don't wipe it for him, how is he expected to keep the sheets clean. I'd get him some "newcol now wash your hands please razor toilet paper" and give him a damned good scraping until he learns how to do it himself.

Seriously in true Mumnset style divorce the bastard is seconded.

Not trolling I promise. yes people can be so lazy. He does not do it regularly thank the good lord. But has happened 2 or 3 times over the years. Good question about how it gets there. I have no idea because he seems to lie perfectly still in bed. He is severly jet lagged at the moment but d' ya know what - it's no bloody excuse!

Thanks all - I had to vent my spleen and could not possibly tell a real life person who knows me. Feel much better after all the laughing at your posts. Maybe I'll just send him the link ...

www.freedomhealthcare.co.uk/traderpro/index.php?formaction=catdisplay&categoryID=44

Second thoughts, some adult diapers might not go amiss, save you from wiping.

w0owoo no... Although i did live near there as a child! It was in reference to a problem I started a thread about recently to do with a park situation

God I wish I hadn't given it so much thought but he probably sat up and scooched himself to the end of the bed... leaving a trail behind him.

I think rather than not wiping properly, he probably trumped in his sleep and followed through a bit.

I'd put some fat tabs in his dinner then wait for the follow through, now that would be something else if he's already a poopy farter.

There was another lady on MN quite a long time ago, and she just couldn't bear to be touched by her DH after this happened. She just couldn't get over it :(

I had a similar problem with dh over the summer... Apparently it was too hot for him to wear boxers under his trousers (jeans etc) and so went commando... I explained that that meant his trousers would need to be washed more often as he wouldnt have pants that were changed daily (mmm not sure about that anyway...) and he took great offence that i suggested he was dirty!

Anyway, after about a week of wearing his jeans (yuk) he asked if i was doing a load could i wash them, and some shorts so i aaid yeah, chuck them by the machine... Low and behold as i went to put them in...... Great big thick skid marks on both!!! Arghhhhh i told him he was a disgusting filthy pig and ordered him to put pants on and wipe his arse properly or i would tell ds (12) and dsd (16) how disgusting he was!

Seems to be working....

on a serious note, get a little plastic jug for him to wash with water after every toilet trip (obviously if you have a bidet no need for this).

I know my kids wipe well cos they use about half a sodding roll each time

doesn't he get itchy? Y'know, like adult nappy rash?

Oh dear there are no words. A grown man?

BTW you shouldn't put baby wipes down the loo at all so if you like wet wipes you should get the proper flushable kind.

And no, I don't work for the sewage works! :o

poopy farter

Oh my god I can't BREATHE I'm laughing that much! Some of the responses have been truly hilarious.

OP - I feel for you, that is SOO GROSS. Wet wipes are needed!

Oh my God...I have thought about starting this exact same thread MORE THAN ONCE.

I just leave the sheets pulled down and point. I mean, how can I even have a FUCKING conversation about such a thing.

effing my deep deep sympathies.

Sometimes when I get riled at DP I think of the many other men I could have ended up with, as evidenced by mumsnet, and I become calm and loving again

Amen to that.

reminds me of an episode of embarrassing bodies - bloke complaining of a funny smell putting of punters in the pub where he worked, worried he had a digestion problem or something...dr christian "you just have a really dirty bum, go and practice wiping properly"

I remember that! I must admit that I though Dr Christian was wrong. The guy had got to that age with no problems so I doubt he didn't know how to wipe his bum properly or just forgotten! Plus the stuff coming out of his bum was runny and watery . . . that's not normal, and he said that it would just come out when he was working or whatever. That's the shits that is!

My DH is so paranoid about having a dirty bum that he wipes and wipes until it gets sore and bleeds and ouch!

Get black sheets?

Oh no! We have black sheets! I'm now concerned that this has happened in my bed and I haven't noticed...