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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think baby showers are completely ridiculous?

279 replies

woowoo2 · 08/09/2011 10:31

I didn't have a baby shower (ds is 6 now) as it wasn't the 'done thing' back then. My real friends saw me throughout my pregnancy, picked up lovely little trinkets and outfits when the mood took them etc.

I didn't ever expect gifts or any sort of fuss, I mean - you have chosen to have a baby, surely the onus is on you to buy your moses basket etc (I have seen several given as gifts at baby showers and was Shock )

AIBU to think they are ridiculous, boring as hell and rather cheeky?

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 09/09/2011 15:21

I have also reported that post as I think it contravenes the guidelines.

Thumbwitch · 09/09/2011 15:22

sorry, pressed too soon - roundtable, I know! always amazes me that people feel impelled to spend so much money unnecessarily on new stuff, especially when sometimes they're quite hard up.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 09/09/2011 15:27

So much nicer to go to a proper party however small and modest Smile

Thinking about it I'd definitely get a chocolate fountain as everyone likes chocolate ( with fruit, marshmallows in baby pink etc. ) and the fountain could be symbolic of the "shower" idea Grin

Jane4321 · 09/09/2011 17:09

My friend has convinced me to have a baby shower next week.
I didn't want one really as I didn't want to invite people round and expect presents from them... But when I told my friends my concerns they said that they LOVE having the excuse to go to Mothercare etc to buy baby clothes, and are all really excited about it. I think they'll be having a few drinks, and my friend is going to arrange the whole lot - food etc.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 09/09/2011 17:13

Sounds lovely Jane4321 - Have a great night !

haveigotnewsforyou · 10/09/2011 09:15

God no. Never been to one. Never will.

fatlazymummy · 10/09/2011 09:53

I think Jane4321 has made a good point. Her friends want an excuse to buy baby clothes from Mothercare. So I take it her friends have enough money to buy non essentials, ie presents for their friends. This is an economic factor and helps to explain stag and hen weekends, expensive weddings, school proms etc. People have more disposable income than they used to have [even though we keep hearing the opposite] and this is why these customs develop. They are not wrong in themselves but they do seem extravagent to some older people such as myself.

roz1982 · 10/09/2011 10:11

Friends, family, gifts, cake, tea and maybe a small glass of bubbly. What's not to like?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 10/09/2011 10:31

That's great that Jane's friends want to buy presents - as long as all of them genuinely do, and don't feel pressurised because one or 2 of the crowd have decided that a baby shower is a good idea. If you would prefer to give a gift after the baby is born then it's very hard to say that you'll go and then pitch up empty handed, esp. when everyone else from the crowd is arriving with a gift.

In my 14 years of having babies (the most recent was 4 years ago), none of my friends from various circles ever felt the need to throw or have parties thrown on their behalf before the baby was born - we just continued to meet up and socialise as normal. That's not saying that this is right or otherwise, but it does seem to be a very new custom involving gifts before an event, which seems weird to me.

SansaLannister · 10/09/2011 13:59

They're grabby and tacky. There was a thread on here last week from an OP who had received an invitation for one with a cash gift request.

Nowt to do with superstition, it just seems presumptuous to stage a gift-giving occassion for an event that hasn't come to pass yet.

40Weeks · 10/09/2011 16:34

Wow Sansa that's pretty grabby! Cash gift, the cheek! That said I don't see the problem with them, have been to a few but the onus has been on spending time with the mum to be before her time is tied up with baby, having a laugh and only bringing a gift if you want to; I bought her bubble bath! There was no extravagance, Moses baskets or such like. I guess if you don't like them, don't go but some people (like me) like any excuse for a get together!

flack · 10/09/2011 16:51

I don't know what they're like in Britain (never heard of one IRL).
In the USA they really are a lovely celebration and chance to fuss over the Mum-to-be. It's only done for the first baby, too. I guess it is quite materialistic... but if I'm honest, the amount of stuff we got after DC1 was born (unexpected shower of gifts, I didn't manage a single written thank you because I didn't know that would happen & was in post-baby haze) was at least as much stuff as I would have received at a Baby Shower in the USA.

You can always RSVP "Not this time" if you don't want to go; it's hardly compulsory attendance.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 10/09/2011 17:50

No, not compulsory, but if you've got a group of friends and one decides that throwing a baby shower is A Good Thing, then it's very churlish to say "not this time", esp. if you all socialise together as a matter of course.

I really don't see the need for them - arrange a night out or meet up for coffee as normal, but a special party (esp. those really annoying ones involving games) just because a woman is having a baby at some point in the future? It also takes away the fun of being able to choose a present for a baby who has actually arrived (and one you know the sex of) and going round with it.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 10/09/2011 17:50

Meant to add - the one I went to was thrown by an American neighbour for another neighbour's 3rd baby

SansaLannister · 10/09/2011 17:53

I agree, Maisie, so sappy and twee as well, IMO. Yuk.

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 10/09/2011 20:00

CBA reading the whole thread,
I am 35 weeks preg I have 2 sisters and a SIL as well as a few close female friends barely anyone has even acknowledged that I'm pg let alone thrown a shower, which I would have loved (no not for the presents but just to feel a bit special for an afternoon)
I'm actually feeling really down about it ATM as a friend from work has actually just organised a shower for her sister whom I also work with she is due the week before me and we have been to same ante natal classes etc I wasn't even invited to that Sad

I can think of nothing nicer than spending an afternoon with friends eating yummy cakes playing games and having a laugh.

SansaLannister · 10/09/2011 21:26

Why do you need someone else to stage an occassion for you to 'feel special'? Do something nice for yourself - schedule a massage, a manicure, pedicure or facial. Ask a friend to lunch.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 10/09/2011 23:32

EdwardorEricCantDecide By the way go with Edward, I have one and it's a cool name. You can have extra cool Ed, or cute Eddie as well, and it's Winnie the Pooh's proper name Grin
Back to the baby shower, either drop a few hints - or blatantly ask - one of your sisters or friends to organise one for you. Or just ask all your friends and sisters over one evening for a girls night - I'm sure they'll probably get the idea. You can say "I'd just like to get everyone together before the baby arrives ... "
Or when hinting to your sisters you could say you've been reading a thread on MN all about baby showers and they sound rather nice, or what do they think about them ?!
Good luck. Go for it and hope someone comes up trumps for you and you all have a lovely evening Grin
If you go for my chocolate fountain idea don't forget to send me an invitation Wink

EdwardorEricCantDecide · 11/09/2011 06:36

juggling name is reference to twilight or true blood Grin it's a DD I'm having.

Unfortunately the night won't happen SIL is currently returning an office so she can open her own business my sisters struggle to make a visit any time other than Xmas (even when invited to DS birthday)Sad
And I only have a few close friends who all work different hours in a crazy selection of jobs not many of my friends are friends with each other.

That said chocolate fountain sounds great Grin

allhailtheaubergine · 11/09/2011 06:46

A lot of the people on this thread bitching about baby showers don't seem to actually understand how they work.

If I buy a gift for someone and take it to their baby shower I don't then buy them another present when the baby is born. If I know someone well enough to go to their baby shower I would be buying them a baby gift anyway, so it's just a question of timing.

You don't have to play shit games. Some people like them (I'm not keen).

And the mother-to-be NEVER throws her own baby shower.

It's just a bunch of friends celebrating an exciting time in their friend's life, and why not? Where's the harm? Being pregnant IS an exciting time and it SHOULD be acknowledged as such.

PinkFondantFancy · 11/09/2011 06:58

Aubergine- so where do you stand when it is the mum-to-be that is throwing her own shower complete with ridiculous games???

Runlolarun · 11/09/2011 07:00

These discussions never fail to depress me. I too believe that baby showers are boring, commercialised and self-indulgent. But, I absolutely hate that it becomes an excuse for bashing America.

allhailtheaubergine · 11/09/2011 07:06

The idea of someone throwing their own shower is so buttock clenchingly cringey I'm afraid I can't even formulate a sensible answer.

PinkFondantFancy · 11/09/2011 07:08

Grin cool, glad it's not just me that thinks that then.

KittyFane · 11/09/2011 07:08

allhail
I do know how they work and I still don't like them, don't go to them, haven't had one myself.
They are just another reason for a vulgar fake party - all women together Hmm
As for the games ...do people actually do this ...:(