To think that SOME (not all) working Mums take the P@ss

[Islandlady]

Long story short, my mate works in an office with 2 WMs neither seem to work a full week or full hours but my mate fully understands the pressures and responsibilities of a WM so hasnt really complained even though she has been in the office until 8 sometimes to get the work done when she has been on her own due to both WMs being off especially during the school hols when there has been child care problems.

But now she is hopping mad, she booked a holiday to come and stay with me and DH on the island way back in February - she would have liked to have come during Cowes week but thats during August so decided to come for Bestival which starts end of this week, she has booked and paid for her Ferry tickets plus booked and paid for her animals to go into kennels, her holiday has been on the office planner and the office diary since Feb I have booked the same time off work and my DH has cleared his freelance work so we can all spend time together we will do Bestival and then she will stay at ours and we will go out for days (if it stops raining)

Last week one of the Mums blithly tells her that she is taking her DS to Disney World next week as its cheaper and if she doesnt go he wont have had a proper holiday and expected my Mate to fall in with her plans IE cancel her own Holiday.

The Boss is being a wimp, he says they cant both go together, first he says if they argue neither can take the time off, then after my Mate complained to the MD has agreed that she can go and the Mum cant.

Now my mate is a pariah in the office the Mum spent all Monday weeping in the toilet and took Tuesday off with 'stress' Mate has had to endure comments like 'I hope you are proud of yourself' from the other Mum in her office and another Mum called her (my Mate) selfish and nasty.

aibu to think thats its Working Mums like that who give other WMs a bad name and even stop some employers taking them on, or would the WMs here
think my Mate is the unreasonable one

sorry for long post

[slavetofilofax]

Peachy, I realise that having children does sometimes mean you need extra flexibility, I work in a part time term time job, and even then I have had to have emergency time off, or I have asked in adviance for time off for child related things. But I, and I'm sure many working Mums, are mindful of the fact that it is often our childless colleages that pick up the slack. The job still needs doing, even if a child is too sick to go to school, has a hospital appointment or whatever, so that job will naturally fall to whoever is there and able to cover. Sometimes the people with children will be unable to provide that cover, but the people without will be able to.

It is understandable that childless workers will feel this is unfair at times.

I think it is quite short sighted, and quite rare, for any working Mum to honestly be able to say that their having children has not affected their job at all, even if it's just a little bit, and completely reasonable.

[DuelingFanjo]

Oh what a twatty post.

Clearly the boss is at fault for not managing the holiday calendar properly.

Clearly the woman doing the crying is a bit of a twt.

None of this has anything to do with being a working mum.

Your friend is also a twit for covering them but that's her choice and what you think about it isn't relevant at all.

[thejaffacakesareonme]

The working mum is taking the piss. I don't think this has much to do with her being a mum though. SHe just sounds like a cow. If she didn't use the child card she'd probably use another one instead.

[fuzzywuzzy]

It has nothing to do with WM, people like this take the piss.

You're friend needs to ignore this woman and look forward to her break.

Personally if I were your mate, I'd also stop taking up the slack these other women are leavin in the office and if I had ot work overtimebecause they weren't doing the job's they're bieng paid for, I'd make sure the right people knew it.

[flippinada]

"No-one is slagging working mums, single mums, SAHMs etc. This issue is this working mum using her child to get extra consideration"

So why is the thread titled 'Some working mums take the piss' and not (for example) 'AIBU to be pissed off at my friends' selfish colleague' then?

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Its nothing to do with the fact the other woman is a WM - its to do with the fact that your boss is a bloody wimp and she is trying to pull a fast one. Your mate had her holiday time booked first and that should be the end of it.........

Dont tar us working mums with the same brush - sometimes being a WM has massive disadvantages too, it's swings and roundabouts really.

[CardyMow]

But if I can't get childcare AT ALL - no family help, and no childcare open, friends unwilling to help on Christmas Day / Boxing day / New Years' day - am I supposed to leave the dc at home alone, or take them to work with me? As I KNOW it will be a massive problem, I get organised and book early, as otherwise, I would only be taking unpaid parental leave, and leaving my employer in the lurch even more.

Do YOU know of anybody that would look after SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILDREN on Christmas day, Boxing day or New years' day??

[CardyMow]

And even if I wasn't WORKING on 2nd Jan - i.e. on leave or day off, I would make the effort to GO INTO WORK to hand my leave slip in, as I HAD to have those days off, either as paid holiday or as unpaid parentla leave.

[CardyMow]

• Parental

[CardyMow]

If this is how people feel about the fact that I cannot get childcare for those days, I can see that I'm going to have problems when I find a new job...or am I supposed to stay claiming benefits until my youngest child is at an age where they can be left alone, at home, for 8 hours a day? In which case, that'd be at least 14 years from now...as DS3 is only 7mo!

I can't HELP being an LP, and needing those days off, does that mean I shouldn't try to get a job?

[LtEveDallas]

flippinada, I don't know, I'm not the OP, but maybe because it's more than one WM that is being selfish, so OPs friend feels ganged-up on by a small group of WMs?

I suppose I feel sorry for the OP that instead of people agreeing that this one, particular, group of working mums are being selfish/taking the piss (which of course they are), posters are picking her up for slagging off all working mums, which she isn't doing (and has actually apologised for)...

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

Loudlass there's nothing wrong with block booking necessarily, and it's good to plan ahead, however it can (as it was with my former colleague) be akin to putting towels on all the sunloungers at the crack of dawn.

My colleague would book off the whole Easter period, leaving those of us with DCs to have to shell out for holiday clubs. And then change her mind at the last minute, when it was too late for us to cancel our childcare.

It needs to be done as a team, and there needs to be a bit of give and take.

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

I agree with LtEveDallas. I think people are being unfair on the OP (and not reading all her posts).

[slavetofilofax]

Loudlass, it is absolutey fair enough that you had to have those days off, you are taking holiday, being organised, and doing nothing at all wrong. I don't know what difference it makes in your workplace, but imagine the situation in a workplace where it does make a difference and only one person can be off at a time.

3 working parents come into the office on 2nd Jan, and book time off in the summer holidays, a couple of days each during the half terms, and a day for each of their children's sports days in July. Leaving one person out of the office for one day every week in July.

Another 3 childless collegues comes in on 3rd of Jan to check what weeks are open so they can go and book their summer holiday (as many people do in January) which they would like to take in July or August. There is not one clear week because all the parents have put in their dates first (as the school had provided them)

The actions of the Mums have affected the other workers because they either have to book their summer holiday before January which they might not want to do, or they have to take whatever's left. They could do the same as the organised Mum and book early, but if it weren't for the fact that a colleague has children, they wouldn't need to.

The Mum's haven't done anything wrong, but they should not kid themselves that their having children doesn't affect their colleagues.

[mistlethrush]

Maryz - but the way the thread was titled was misleading - the implication is that working mums (ok, not all of them, but a large majority probably) use the fact that they have children to be workshy, unreasonable and manipulative. Lots of people have made the case that other people at work use other reasons to be workshy, unreasonable and manipulative - but would probably use children as the excuse if they could do. Its got nothing to do with being a working mum. Its got everythign to do with being a workshy, manipulative unreaseonable employee. No one has disagreed with the fact that this person was behaving unreasonably. But that doesn't mean that 'working mums' are unreasonable - even a proportion of them - it means that 'some people' are unreasonble in using whatever excuse to try to manipulate their way around the company policies.

[flippinada]

I do see what you're saying LtEve but why can't it just be that these people are taking the piss cos they are selfish/entitled etc.

I do sympathise with OP's friend because they sound awful. And the management sounds useless.

But I really don't think the issue is that they are working mums, it's that they are just selfish etc. And People are taking issue because the implication is that working mums do this sort of thing as a routine when most of us don't!

It's going to hit a nerve.

[CardyMow]

Which I can understand, be sympathetic to, and give a lot more once my dc ARE of an age where they can be left alone, but with an SN 13yo that can't be left at home alone, a 9yo, an SN 7yo AND a 7mo, I didn't expect to BE looking for work again yet, it's not as if I expected my Ex-P to walk out on me when he was the one working, is it?

I would never book off all my holiday in the SAME school holidays, but holiday care is so expensive, that if I am GOING to work rather than stay on benefits for the next 10 years+, then I am going to HAVE to take all my holidays in school holidays, as being on minimum wage I just would NOT be able to afford the childcare otherwise - it would leave me over £100 a WEEK worse off than being on benefits otherwise. I wiouldn't be able to FEED the children or pay my rent.

Believe me, I've looked at the figures - during term time I will be £2 a week WORSE off than being on benefits, which I can 'suck up' but being £100 a week worse off than what is, essentially, a subsistance level of money, would just be impossible!

[chunkyjojo]

loudlass

I agree there is nothing wrong with you block booking leave. Yes some people may find it inconvenient but as you point out you have to do that in order to care for your dcs. Really dont think that can be compared in any way to the op!

[kelly2000]

Loudlass,
so you are saying because you have children it is OK for other people to have to work Christmas, New year, and Easter each and every year, and that if they book their holidays then so you cannot get leave you are going to take parental leave anyway? Yes, you are being unreasonable, and in my opinion it is that attitude that gives working parents a bad name. Why should other people have to sacrifice taking these days off each year for you? I know of no companies where the same people are expected to work Christmas/new year/easter each and every year, and if one person tried to book these days off each and every year they would be told no, regardless of whether they got their first. It is normally shared i.e if one year you take christmas, the next you do not. It is only fair. If you find someone who does not celebrate these days, and has no issue working and they agree to swap then fair enough, but it cannot just be expected because you have children.

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

That kind of thing really pisses me of, Maryz

"Family friendly" policies are bollocks in those circumstances - does your friend not have parents/siblings/friends she might want to travel to for Christmas? Aren't they family then? I far prefer a more work/life balance approach. And there needs to be a bit of give and take. It's not surprising some people resent working parents if they take the piss like that.

[nenevomito]

Not anything to do with being a working mum, just piss poor management.

No one is allowed to book any holidays without first checking the AL calendar here so there isn't an overlap.

Whinge about poor management, but leave the mum thing out of it.

[chunkyjojo]

kelly2000

Flippin hell, loudlass has explained why she has to take her leave that way what do you want her to do jack in the job?? Wow. I agree the person in the op gives working mothers a bad name but it seems some people think everything we DO gives us a bad name!!

[Morloth]

Don't worry Loudlass most places I have worked have had a 'first come first served' arrangement when it comes to leave.

I have never encountered a problem, other than gentle ribbing about being so organised.

Between Me, DH and now school holidays we can sometimes only manage a couple of weeks a year where we could get away together. Throw in wanting to meet up with international friends.

We have stuff booked for next April, I am looking for a job to start January. If I can't find a job that will let me take that leave (unpaid obviously), then I won't be working at all. It is just too hard for DH to get leave.