To think that SOME (not all) working Mums take the P@ss

[Islandlady]

Long story short, my mate works in an office with 2 WMs neither seem to work a full week or full hours but my mate fully understands the pressures and responsibilities of a WM so hasnt really complained even though she has been in the office until 8 sometimes to get the work done when she has been on her own due to both WMs being off especially during the school hols when there has been child care problems.

But now she is hopping mad, she booked a holiday to come and stay with me and DH on the island way back in February - she would have liked to have come during Cowes week but thats during August so decided to come for Bestival which starts end of this week, she has booked and paid for her Ferry tickets plus booked and paid for her animals to go into kennels, her holiday has been on the office planner and the office diary since Feb I have booked the same time off work and my DH has cleared his freelance work so we can all spend time together we will do Bestival and then she will stay at ours and we will go out for days (if it stops raining)

Last week one of the Mums blithly tells her that she is taking her DS to Disney World next week as its cheaper and if she doesnt go he wont have had a proper holiday and expected my Mate to fall in with her plans IE cancel her own Holiday.

The Boss is being a wimp, he says they cant both go together, first he says if they argue neither can take the time off, then after my Mate complained to the MD has agreed that she can go and the Mum cant.

Now my mate is a pariah in the office the Mum spent all Monday weeping in the toilet and took Tuesday off with 'stress' Mate has had to endure comments like 'I hope you are proud of yourself' from the other Mum in her office and another Mum called her (my Mate) selfish and nasty.

aibu to think thats its Working Mums like that who give other WMs a bad name and even stop some employers taking them on, or would the WMs here
think my Mate is the unreasonable one

sorry for long post

[ihatecbeebies]

Are you being serious? This isn't because they are working mums , she would most probably be the same if she didn't have children and would just come up with some other excuse, I know a lot of people who don't work full weeks who are childless and even more people with children who work very hard (harder than some of their childless colleagues if you'd believe ) doing a full days work then go home to take great care of their kids.

[LtEveDallas]

...mind you, if she wasn't a mum, I doubt she'd be wanting time off to go to Disneyworld, so maybe she wouldn't be like that without DC...

[HeyYouJimmy]

OP, was your friend's colleague like this before she had DC?

[UmYeahLikeTotally]

Why does it have to be "AIBU to think some working mums take the piss"?

Why not "AIBU to think some people take the piss"?

The fact that she is a mother and working (shock horror) has nothing to do with the situation. This individual decides to be a complete twat and not arrange her holiday properly, and you say that WM's take the piss?! (The term of which I fucking hate anyway, do you ever hear a man being described as a Working Dad?!)

It's hard enough being a mother (SAHM or WM) without all of the constant shit and guilt trips being thrown at you.

If you work full time, you are selfish and neglectful to your kids.
If you work part-time you aren't working hard enough. If you stay at home you are either "sponging off the state" or living off hubby's money; both of which are treated with contempt.

What is your situation OP? (i.e. SAHM, WM, neither?)

You might have had a more positive reaction to this thread if you hadn't started off by insulting half of the people!

[flippinada]

What just about everybody else has said.

This is nothing to do with her being a working mum and everything to with her being a spoilt eejit (which she probably was before DC, as it isn't a characteristic that develops naturally with childbirth) plus bad management practice.

[Morloth]

Some people are selfish, sometimes these people have kids, there is no correlation.

She can't give working Mums a bad name because they are not one homogenous group.

Your friend needs to toughen up, who cares if this woman is upset? Not her problem, if she behaves unprofessionally then your friend should complain to her manager. Your friend should also lodge a complaint about the poor leave booking arrangements.

[UmYeahLikeTotally]

And FWIW I think its judgements and statements like the title of this thread which makes it harder for mothers (and women in general) to get back into work and earn the respect they deserve.

[flippinada]

Plus, what UmYeah said.

[Whatmeworry]

This is nothing to do with her being a working mum and everything to with her being a spoilt eejit (which she probably was before DC, as it isn't a characteristic that develops naturally with childbirth)

Actually, IMO some women do suddenly seem to develop a very "morally entitled streak when the PFB comes along.

But surely this is just a holiday planning case, and first dibs always wins. Agree with putting a holiday planner on the wall.

[Iggly]

YABU

You actually meant to say that some people take the piss.


I'm a part time working mother who leaves the office at 5. But I take my work home and work at weekends if I need to. Just because I'm not at my desk doesn't mean I don't work hard.

[Matronalia]

Your friend should complain to the manager about the organising of booking holiday- it needs to be clear that it is first come first served and that should be reinforced strongly in the office.

Secondly she should stop covering for them a) because its not fair on her having to pick up their slack, especially if her efforts are going unrecognised-that makes her a mug and b) if they are having trouble organising themselves/fitting their work in due to laziness or genuine difficulties it makes it clear to the management that there is a problem to be addressed.

She should also make the manager aware (or their senior) of the atmosphere in the office and any unprofessional or bullying behaviour from these women. They are behaving like teenagers.

[flippinada]

Well, 'IMO', when people make a statement such as 'IMO = personal prejudice which has no basis in fact + total conjecture', you can safely ignore it.

[bonkers20]

"Actually, IMO some women do suddenly seem to develop a very "morally entitled streak when the PFB comes along."

Yep. The same woman who take the piss in other areas of life as well.

Some people seem to be on the look out for the WM taking advantage and this in turn can make the WM feel she has to prove herself.

I never did point out to the woman who would openly remark "oooooh I wish I could leave at 2.45pm every day" that I was at my desk at 7.30am.

[bagpusss]

I think OP is right to point out that some people here are not reading her original post properly. This is about working mums in that the woman in question assumed that she would be off to Disneyland and that the island holiday would be cancelled on the basis of her status as a working mum.
True, others might try to pull the same trick on the basis of seniority or other things, but in this case it was the working mum element that allowed her to expect favourable treatment. This is about working mums' attitudes and the attitudes of employers and employees towards working mums. OP , YANBU at all.
There are plenty of childless workers around who seethe at the favourable working conditions or working parents (mostly mums). In this case, Mrs Disneyvisit was expecting far too much.

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

I work with someone like this, so I do understand the OP. However this really is an issue of utterly crap management. I've also worked with a childess person who had the same disregard for others wrt leave - I can only imagine what she'll be like if she ever has children.

Your friend is being harrassed. Her colleague is a twat. Her boss is incompetent. She should take this higher tbh (assuming there is a higher).

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

whatme I disagree that first dibs always wins. In a team that is functioning well, compromises can be made - if the opportunity for something amazing came up for a colleague I'd forgo my leave if I'd nothing planned for my own. But yes that decision, once leave had been granted, would be mine and I wouldn't be emotionally blackmailed and bullied into missing out.

[SiamoFottuti]

are you going for some kind of record for the longest sentences? Punctuation is your friend.

Its nothing to do with you, and your friends problem is with her boss, not to do with the status of her co-workers.

[flippinada]

What are these atttitudes that working mothers have (because of course we are all one homogenous group) that somehow don't affect the rest of the population bagpuss?

Please explain.

[Ilovedaintynuts]

YABU to say this anything to do with working mums.

The woman is a cow and a drama queen. You get those in all walks of life.
I blame the boss, this kind of bullying and harrassment should not be tolerated.

If you substituted working mum with black women/lesbian/disabled person then it would be innappropriate to make generalisations.

No different with working mum.

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

Arrrgghhh posted too soon again!

The woman I used to work with block booked all her leave at the start of the year. Now who knows what they'll want to do leave-wise so far ahead? I missed out because she used the first dibs thing every time. That was bad management too, imo. My boss was bloody useless.

[Morloth]

The woman in the OP isn't being a dick because she is a working mum, she is being a dick because she is a dick. This is just her current subject to be a dick about.

[Iggly]

Actually Whatme some people realise that your job is not the be all and end all and are a bit more forceful about their work life balance. You can still do a good job, you don't have to let your employer take the piss, kids or not.

[flippinada]

Jenai, I had a colleague that used to do that - block book holidays at the start of the year - a single, childless man. Everyone was expected to fall in with his plans.

I totally agree that it's a management issue.

[chunkyjojo]

I dont get why people are so adamant this is nothing to do with her being a working mum. She's playing the "I have a child card" to get what she wants and seemingly feels entitled to stamp all over everyone else because having a child apparently makes her plans/requirements more important.

I'm a WM too and I can honestly say I do not do this but of the 3 working mums in my team of 10 I'm the only one who doesnt take the piss. So I agree that women like this give the rest of us a bad name. The op is not saying all WMs are like this but I and I'm sure others on here too have experienced people who behave like this because they think being a WM means they're entitled