To think that SOME (not all) working Mums take the P@ss

[Islandlady]

Long story short, my mate works in an office with 2 WMs neither seem to work a full week or full hours but my mate fully understands the pressures and responsibilities of a WM so hasnt really complained even though she has been in the office until 8 sometimes to get the work done when she has been on her own due to both WMs being off especially during the school hols when there has been child care problems.

But now she is hopping mad, she booked a holiday to come and stay with me and DH on the island way back in February - she would have liked to have come during Cowes week but thats during August so decided to come for Bestival which starts end of this week, she has booked and paid for her Ferry tickets plus booked and paid for her animals to go into kennels, her holiday has been on the office planner and the office diary since Feb I have booked the same time off work and my DH has cleared his freelance work so we can all spend time together we will do Bestival and then she will stay at ours and we will go out for days (if it stops raining)

Last week one of the Mums blithly tells her that she is taking her DS to Disney World next week as its cheaper and if she doesnt go he wont have had a proper holiday and expected my Mate to fall in with her plans IE cancel her own Holiday.

The Boss is being a wimp, he says they cant both go together, first he says if they argue neither can take the time off, then after my Mate complained to the MD has agreed that she can go and the Mum cant.

Now my mate is a pariah in the office the Mum spent all Monday weeping in the toilet and took Tuesday off with 'stress' Mate has had to endure comments like 'I hope you are proud of yourself' from the other Mum in her office and another Mum called her (my Mate) selfish and nasty.

aibu to think thats its Working Mums like that who give other WMs a bad name and even stop some employers taking them on, or would the WMs here
think my Mate is the unreasonable one

sorry for long post

[Morloth]

We sort out our leave about a year ahead. When we are both working we are usually managing long term projects that can clash, so we get diaries together, work it out and get booking. Other people have the same opportunity to do so.

[kelly2000]

If they keep at it she should make a complaint to HR as behaving like that is bullying.

[slavetofilofax]

I think posters are right what they are saying about the fact that this isn't about a working Mum, but a self entitled cow instead, but the issue is about working Mums.

I think many of us at some point have experience of a working Mum needing extra time off, or being given priority for time off, and it does reflect badly on working Mums in general. It just does, and people that don't have children and know better, can easily come to the conclusion that working Mums take the piss sometimes. Mud sticks, and if a woman is using her children as a reason to not put in the same effort as someone without children, it stands to reason that some people will form the opinion that working Mums can be a pain in the arse to work with.

It shouldn't be this complicated though, why can't the Mum take a different week off? Why can't it just be as simple as whoever booked the time off first gets it?

[flippinada]

To the people who are stating that they 'all know' working mums who take the piss, can you please explain why your annoyance is directed at working mums and not working dads or other childless colleagues who behave in the same way?

[chunkyjojo]

flippinada

Becaue I dont know any working dads or other childless colleagues who behave in the same way. Honestly! The two women on my team are legendary for their behaviour at this stage. That certainly doesn't mean all working mums in our department are that way but the rest of us worry that we could be tarred with the same brush on the odd occasion that we have a genuine child related emergency. So IMO these WMs give the rest of us a bad name

[chunkyjojo]

Mind you, the two I work with are extremes, way way worse than the woman in the op!

[Peachy]

What reality said.

Most WOHMs would not conceive of behaving in this way, leave booked is leave booked, emergencies are catered for in legislation so there is no need to play the over emotional cardas the woman has done.

[LtEveDallas]

I currently work with 2 working mums that are like that. They grip my piss [angry}

I also work with a 63 yr old childless single woman who is like that (actually in her case it is more that she is 'work to rule' with no flexibility and purposely awkward)

The rest of the team are childless/adult children and do not behave like that (actually a couple bend over backwards to be flexible regarding the 2 in my first sentence and quite often I put my foot down to stop them being walked over....but then I dont give a shite if people bitch about me behind my back)

[flippinada]

Funnily enough, I do know people who are childless/working dads (or any combination that you care to mention) that behave in this way. So does my experience trump yours or does it simply show that certain people who are entititled/selfish/lazy have those characteristics regardless of parental status?

Plus, no-one seems to have mentioned that mums who work are often (still) expected to be the parent who takes time off work when their DC are ill because their job is 'less important'.

And, what about working dads who don't 'take the piss' - they probably have a wife/partner at home looking after the DC so he doesn't have to.

[kelly2000]

In fairness, the only arguement the mother has put forward for her getting the right to have the holiday and force the other worker to cancel, is because she has a child. She used the child as an excuse, claiming that if she did not get to go on holiday then, her child would go without. Other people have sided with her by saying the other worker must feel proud. So she is making working parents look bad by using her child as an excuse for her and her friends bullying behaviour. It is not up to the victim and her friends to excuse her behaviour and distance it from the woman being a mother, when that is the very excuse used for the bullying by the bully.

[Peachy]

slacetofilofax

Well I can;t say I have ever encountred it (you ahd to be a aprent to work in my last job though) but children do soemtimes cause emergencies- youc an hardly lock them in a cupboard if they are too sick for school or the CM is in hospital. And sometimes they need hospital appointments etc that can;t be arrnaged outside working hours.

Either people accept aprents need to work or the benefits sytem pays people a decent living to not do so: can't work both ways.

I'm a carer and I have to go back nest year, cuts of several thousands of pounds a year to state disability / carer benefits have dictated that. if the state decrees that then it's also going to ahve to scuk up the occasional appointments as well- Dh will do most but works away sometimes, perhaps even internationally by that stage.

[Peachy]

Oh and yes DH gets accused of taking the piss if he takes an appy as well.

HTH

[CardyMow]

What's wrong with block-booking leave as soon as you are able? When I was working, I always did this - I knew I would want all my leave in school holidays except for 5 days, those 5 days I booked off for my dc's birthdays, sports day and awards days. Why is that wrong? I always booked ALL my leave on 2nd Jan, as soon as we were allowed. Because I'm organised like that. Everyone else who worked with me also had the option to do the same, so why was it wrong for me to do so? Genuine question, as I didn't think anyone could / would get annoyed by that, when they could have done the same?

[Honeydragon]

The manager is a twat. In the 5 years I worked my co. I only once booked 2 weeks annual leave in one block to go on a special holiday. I forewarned my boss 15 months before. As soon as the years annual leave came up I officially booked it on our system.

A week before I was due to go, another Mum on my team emailed me saying she assumed I'd be covering the bank holidays like normal. I said look on the planner I'm away. She then kicked off as she'd been rota'd in to cover it as had another Mum.

They were told tough it was their shift. They complained to HR HR pointed out they were lucky my manager and I normally covered the holidays.

Woman A then said she had no childcare, boss pointed out she had a week to organise and that she managed to find childcare for work nights/days out for jollies.

On my return it transpired that Woman A had called in saying child sick. Woman A got a written warning as another manager had seen her later the same day with her dp and children in a local pub.


Woman A still blames me to this day for taking annual leave.

some people are horrid and will use anything, even their children. This woman did result in giving wohm a bad name as as a direct result of her action the co. put a blanket ban on informal cover of bank holidays.

Your friend needs to complain higher up about her manager being a spineless twit and enjoy her break, the woman is being a manipulative bitch. If the child is school age she shouldn't be going so soon after the 6 week hols. If the child is below school age she should have checked the calendar before booking. And no one needs a holiday.

[porcamiseria]

most working Mums I know work hard, NEVER take sickies and when they do have to take time cos kids are ll they use their holiday

[LovelyCuppa]

A better thread title would have been AIBU to think some people take the piss?

I've been around a bit and I've seen a few things. Various reasons for piss take behaviour have come from: vegetarians, students, Manchunians, parents, people in possession of a post graduate qualification, horse owners, owners of elderly cars, pet owners, dyslexics, migrane suffers etc etc.

None of those circumstances have anything to do with inappropriate behaviour. They were simply selfish, thoughtless individuals who behaved badly.

Makes me cross when people make sweeping generalisations and when wet management allows this kind of histrionics in the office. Very poor

[CardyMow]

I feel the need to add that I didn't book all my holiday in the SUMMER holidays - usually 3 days in October half term, 3 days in Feb half term, Boxing day,Christmas day, and New years' day (Lone parent, would have been NOWHERE I could have got childcare), 3 days in May half term, and the rest less 5 days in the summer holidays, a week at the end of July, and a week at the end of August. It kept the holiday childcare costs down to a level where we could still afford to EAT!

[Quenelle]

As Honeydragon says: Some people give wohms a bad name.

Now that I agree with. Very different to "Some working mums take the piss."

[Ilovedaintynuts]

But aren't there lots of reasons why people are twats at work?

I have worked with over-entitled working mothers. Childless people who are off sick all the bloody time. People who don't take time off but have 15 fag breaks a day so do 20% less work than everyone else. People who spend the day on facebook.

Some people are idiots. Stop stereotyping.

[flippinada]

I don't actually think there's anything wrong with block booking leave per se - working parents often have to do it.

It caused an issue in my team for different reasons - plus I mentioned it as an example of behaviour that is not just confined to 'working mums'.

[chunkyjojo]

Well of course peopple take the piss for all kinds of reasons, I dont think anyone is arguing that ONLY WMs do so. The op suggested that women like the one described can give working mums a bad name. Neither she nor anyone else is saying that all WMs are pisstakers, we certainly arent, but yes i believe the behaviour of some can result in a negative view of the rest of us

[LtEveDallas]

By Kelly2000:
"In fairness, the only arguement the mother has put forward for her getting the right to have the holiday and force the other worker to cancel, is because she has a child. She used the child as an excuse, claiming that if she did not get to go on holiday then, her child would go without. Other people have sided with her by saying the other worker must feel proud. So she is making working parents look bad by using her child as an excuse for her and her friends bullying behaviour. It is not up to the victim and her friends to excuse her behaviour and distance it from the woman being a mother, when that is the very excuse used for the bullying by the bully"

^ Yes, this ^

No-one is slagging working mums, single mums, SAHMs etc. This issue is this working mum using her child to get extra consideration. Some other working mums also do this and I think it reflects very badly on the rest of us. It shouldn't. Management should not tar everyone with the same brush, but unfortunately lots do. I think it makes everyone's life much harder and makes it much harder for working mothers to be taken seriously.

[kelly2000]

Loudlass,
I think the problem with every year going in on Jan 2nd when other people may still be on leave and booking your holidays especially if you book the same times each year is unreasonable. People should work together, why is it fair that you get new years day off year in year out because you get there first. I know that would never be allowed in my company, people take it in turns with taking christmas/new year/easter holidays so you do not have the same people working it each year because they were not there when the leave calenders went up.