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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that barely anyone has even commented that I am running a half marathon for charity!!

30 replies

frazzle26 · 06/09/2011 21:41

I am running a half marathon for charity in 3 weeks time and have mentioned this 3/4 times on my FB page with a link to my Just Giving Page.

Before I get a flaming, I know the world does not revolve around me and I am not at all bothered if people choose not to donate. I would just love it if some of my so called friends would at least acknowledge that I'm undertaking this mammoth challenge. I don't know if they think that if they comment they are somehow obliged to donate. It's not as though people don't talk to me, it's as though they talk to me about anything bar this.

I just feel really hurt Sad

OP posts:
robotlollypopman · 06/09/2011 21:43

I think you should be proud of yourself.

worraliberty · 06/09/2011 21:46

I think that's it really...if they comment they probably feel as though they'll have to donate.

Don't be hurt...I bet you'll get loads of 'well dones' etc after you've run it.

FootballFriend · 06/09/2011 21:47

If you mention it and provide the link ppl may feel obliged to make a donation. good luck anyway, don't let this distract you from the training these next few weeks. You're nearly there.

Pfriend · 06/09/2011 21:48

You need to do personalised emails to people rather than assume everyone you know will jump to sponsor you on the basis of a facebook post. They won't. Remember you aren't the first person in the world to run a half marathon, for all you know people may have sponsored others to do a marathon or another challenge already this year, and will think no big deal. Good luck though.

Original poster
frazzle26 · 06/09/2011 21:49

I really do think that's what it is but to be honest i just find it so upsetting that even good friends aren't saying good luck. I know I would if it was them even if I couln't afford to donate. I know I probably sound really self-centred but I just feel really down about it.

OP posts:
Finbar · 06/09/2011 21:50

You should be proud. But I think you have it right when you say that people might feel obliged to donate if they strike up a conversation with you about it. It's a shame that its hurt you.

I'm not sure if this will help, but, I know I am becoming immune to the actual effort involved in some of these charity events purely because there seems to be so many of them.

ViviPru · 06/09/2011 21:53

YANBU, sad that you're hurt. FB and just giving are great in that they've made it easier to do raise charitable funds, but the flipside is people get a bit fatigued with it. I'd say there is probably one of my FB friends doing a sponsored endeavour about once a fortnight. As a rule, I pretty much always donate if its a friend I actually see rather than one of those people you've encountered life that you've accepted a FB friend request from. If the friends you actually see haven't so much as acknowledged it, i can see why you'd be a bit fed up.

And that's not to detract from what you're doing which really is a big challenge, I just think your friends are probably wrapped up in their own lives and haven't actually through through the enormity what you're doing. Perhaps next time you see them, have a chat about your motivations and fears about the actual marathon, without mentioning the donation aspect, and I bet they will choose to donate in their own time.

skybluepearl · 06/09/2011 22:16

emails to people raised more than FB postings for me. good luck and well done

Firawla · 06/09/2011 22:17

bring it up with them in person rather than just fb

promomum · 06/09/2011 22:24

I think yabu a bit tbh. While running a half-marathon is a big challenge for you, it's really not uncommon at all - there are at least 3 people in my office training for one atm.

And be honest - is this about challenging yourself, or really, really because you had a burning primary desire to raise money for your particular charity and wondered 'how can I do this? Oh, I know, I'll run a half-marathon'.

It does gets a bit wearing being asked for sponsorship all the time for people's personal challenges whether that's running a certain distance/climbing Kilimanjaro/biking across India or whatever.

Because there are so many requests like these, I don't do random sponsorship any more but donate to charity every month via give-as-you-earn.

Original poster
frazzle26 · 06/09/2011 22:28

It's not about the sponsorship though as I mentioned in my original post. Although that would be a bonus, I would just love it if my so called friends would just boost my confidence by saying good luck instead of just ignoring what I'm doing Sad

OP posts:
rookiemater · 06/09/2011 22:28

I posted about my half marathon on FB when I was getting sponsorship for it. I didn't get any sponsorship that way, no tell a lie, someone who was also running it sponsored me. I got most of my sponsorship through work.

People don't want to post about it without sponsoring you in case they look cheap and as promomum says above whilst its a huge commitment for you - what time are you aiming for btw, they probably already donate to other charities/don't have the money/don't want to donate to your charity.

If you update your statuses with how you are finding the training, then I am sure you will get responses.

Is it your first half marathon?

Original poster
frazzle26 · 06/09/2011 22:47

Yes it's my 1st one and hoping to do it in less than 2.5 hours. Really gutted though as I signed up with my sis and her bf and we are all novices. We all put different times that we thought we would complete the race on the enrolment form and when the race pack came it says that we have to stand in different pens according to the colour that our race number is printed on on our shirt so we can start at different times. It means I won't be able to run with my sis!! Oh well, I'll know for next time.

I have had more luck with my paper sponsorship form tbh so it's not like I've had no sponsors. The people on there are people that aren't on FB though.

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 06/09/2011 22:50

As someone else said, there are at least 3 or 4 people on my Facebook at the moment who are doing sponsored runs/ bikes/ swims etc. and are asking for donations. Your friends have probably got donating-fatigue, like me!

GypsyMoth · 06/09/2011 22:54

Hey good luck!!

Me and my dd are training together ( wayward teen, this is 'quality' time together, she chose running!)

Hope it goes well for you.... All 3 of you..hope you make your time too

slavetofilofax · 06/09/2011 23:05

If you just want people to say good luck, then you have no need to post the just giving link every time you mention it.

People will feel like they are being mean for not donating if they mention it, I know I would, and I don't like to be put in that position just because yet another person has decided to do yet another half marathon.

I think it may also depend on the charity you have chosen. People have strong feelings about the charities they do or don't choose to support. I'm not saying that you have chosen a rubbish charity, just that people are often more likely to donate because they believe in the cause, rather than because of the distance someone has chosen to run.

I only donate to friends sponsorship requests if they are doing something challenging for a charity I support anyway, or because they are doing it for a charity that is especially personal to them for some reason or has helped them in some way.

Katisha · 06/09/2011 23:12

Agree that people don't want to feel obligated to sponsor you. I haven't remarked on a FB friend's charity run for exactly that reason.

I wonder if you would have got more remarks and congrats if you hadn't mentioned the charity aspect?

cerealqueen · 06/09/2011 23:13

Just tell them directly! FB is no good for telling anybody anything, if they have lots of 'friends' and get lots of updates then they might easily have missed it.

I hope it goes well for you.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 06/09/2011 23:19

yy, you need moral support so post again without the charity link. Tell them how your training is going, or something you found really difficult.

And well done you for doing it.

2rebecca · 06/09/2011 23:45

I run for fun and find people who only run for 1 charity event and make running out to me a mega ordeal worthy of a huge fuss and sainthood a bit of a pain. If you want to go for a run go for a run, if you want to give to charity give to charity. Running is a hobby for many people.

If someone said they were reading a novel for charity people who enjoy reading would wonder what the big deal was and why reading and charity should be linked. Runners cyclists etc feel the same about people doing sporting events for charity.

I'm not against giving money to charity. I just think people should donate to the charity of their choice and run or cycle events of their choice and leave other people to choose their own charities and not emotionally blackmail them into feeling they should give money to yours.

A1980 · 06/09/2011 23:46

YANBU at all.

My office is very heavy in charity activities. I always support but have not participated. Some people do 3-4 things a year, triathalons, bike rides, marathons, I sponsored them all. I finally decided to do a 10k run and almost no one at work sponsored me or acknowleged it. The very same people who constantly ask for (and got) sponsorship from me didn't give it. The people at work who did sponsor me (only a few) were people who didn't participate and had never done anything themsleves.

So, I've learned my lesson. I no longer sponsor anyone and I'm not going to bother doing anything again. Cannot be arsed!

ThePopsicleKat · 07/09/2011 00:43

Thanks OP - you have spurred me to finally donate to my friend who is doing the Great North run soon. I have been ignoring the Event box on my facebook for months, but actually that was pretty crap of me. I should have acknowledged it sooner. Hope your half-marathon goes well!

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 07/09/2011 04:16

YANBU for wanting people to acknowledge what you are doing.

Your first half marathon is an acheivement, lets face it most people will never run 13.1 miles! Well done for getting to that point, I hope you enjoy it.

People lose interest very quickly IME and whilst it may be your focus at the moment it won't be others. When I ran the London Marathon many people I know barely acknowledged what I was doing until I had done it, and then it was only to ask my time.

Running is important to me but I have learned not to expect others to feel the same.

Which Half are you doing? I am doing Windsor in a couple of weeks.

BettyBloomfield · 07/09/2011 06:24

What 2rebecca said

iloveeverton · 07/09/2011 06:33

Good luck frazzle!

Which half marathon is it? I did the royal parks last year it was great.

You should be able to run with your sister- whichever put the slower time both start in that pen- it really doesn't matter if you have the wrong coloured number on. They just don't like slower people moving up the starting time. Also get there in plenty of time- I was still in the loo queue when everyone started!

Let us know how you get on.