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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be letting this spoil my 'holiday'....

83 replies

DILIngrate · 06/09/2011 21:37

My 1st AIBU and have named changed.

PIL have retired to France with a 2nd home in UK (both properties mortgage free).
They have spent and continue to spend a lot of money on renovating their property abroad.
They only see our DC (3 and 1) 3 times a year, so although we are a bit strapped for cash this year (I'm on mat leave and we moved house last year) we have come for a 12 day stay.

On the 1st day of the trip we went to supermarket together and I asked if we could do a shop or make a contribution towards food and drink.
MIL said it would be easier to work it out at end of holiday.
A few days later DP asked what they would like to do.
They have asked for 200 euros "to cover food costs and petrol for the airport pick up" (when they came to collect us). I was Shock at the amount (it's more than I would spend on 2 weeks food and petrol at home!) and also the sentiment.

We have made a financial contribution when we stayed here previously with (our) friends but I was Angry and also Sad for DP that his parents are basically charging us for 'full board stay' when we have been invited as guests and have come mainly so that they can spend time with their grandchildren.

My own family would never consider charging us for their hospitality and are always incredibly generous (both with their time and financially) so perhaps it's the contrast which I find so shocking.

AIBU to think this unusual and horribly mean?

OP posts:
carabos · 06/09/2011 21:41

YANBU. How awful to have your holiday spoiled by this. Why didn't they discuss this with you before you went?

Rowena8482 · 06/09/2011 21:42

Tell them that next time you will stay in a hotel as it will be cheaper! And get a taxi from the airport as that will be cheaper too... and eat every meal out as that will be cheaper too... then look thoughtful and say "tell you what PiLs, we'll just phone you once a month or so, then we won't burden you at all"

cocobongo · 06/09/2011 21:42

Yup, mean, mean, mean. I think it's fair that you should contribute to food etc. But that should be done on your own terms- eg buying the shopping when you are at the supermarket, paying for a meal out etc. in fact, doing it that way could end up with a bigger cost if you went out for a lot of meals. but at least you are in control.

I don't believe my parents would ever ask us to pay for something like that. Even though I have a good job etc, they still want to be the head of the family, and so would be more likely to insist on paying for things!

If youe PIL had wanted you to pay cash, they should have agreed it at the start rather than deciding half way into the holiday what you owe them.

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly · 06/09/2011 21:43

YANBU I would find that very upseting

SarahStratton · 06/09/2011 21:43

Wow, that is a royal piss take :(

onemoreminute · 06/09/2011 21:45

Maybe you should have spoke about it before you went.

Sookeh · 06/09/2011 21:45

YANBU.

They're getting to spend time with their grandchildren ffs!

I am Angry on your behalf.

Mightimama · 06/09/2011 21:47

YANBU I would be outraged too, but to be honest it's hardly surprising with inlaws, no offence to people with nice PILs.

PelvicFloorsOfSteel · 06/09/2011 21:50

YANBU, perhaps next time they want to see their granchildren they can come and stay with you - you could even make a profit!
Joking aside, they are weird and out of order. Sad

cleanteeth · 06/09/2011 21:50

That's mad! My family would never think of charging us for our stay, especially as it seems your PIL's have a fair bit of money free. Obviously they'd probably expect a fair contribution towards food/petrol but done on your terms if you've been invited over there.

Talker2010 · 06/09/2011 21:52

Unless I mis-understand ... they did not ask for anything but the the OP offered on the very first day and then her DP pushed the issue 2 days later ... as a consequence the parents have come up with a figure

PorkChopSter · 06/09/2011 21:52

Does that 200 euros include housekeeping? Alcohol? Treating the place like a hotel?

What does your DP think?

ColdSancerre · 06/09/2011 21:55

TBH 200 euros isn't a great deal for food and drink and petrol for a 12 day stay. And you offered, twice. How much were you expecting to contribute towards food/petrol?

takethisonehereforastart · 06/09/2011 21:55

My PIL's did similar things. When we went on our honeymoon they made a big fuss about wanting to take us to the airport. My dad had offered to take us free of charge but they made so much fuss we agreed to go with them instead. Then when we got to the airprot they charged us for the petrol money they had spent to take us.

I was quite annoyed about it. It wasn't that they wanted petrol money, which I would have paid them in advance if they had just said something, I just wished they had said before we arrived at the airport.

We had converted most of our money and had travellers cheques but decided to leave our cards at home. The English money we did have on us was meant to get us something to eat at the airport, so we had to go hungry and give the money to the PIL's instead.

Plus they made such a big deal out of wanting to take us, knowing we had made other arrangements, knowing we had changed those arrangements just to make them happy, and then they behaved as though it was all a big effort and expense they could have done without and acted as though we had begged them instead of the other way around. Because of the fuss they made about "wanting to do this for you" it didn't seem as if they wanted any money for petrol, especially as they knew my Dad wasn't going to charge us anything.

I'm sorry that yours are treating you like this. It's not unreasonable of them to want you to contribute something but that seems a little unfair of them.

smoggii · 06/09/2011 21:56

That's less than 17 euros a day to feed and ferry about four people, it's not too bad and you did offer.

Had you not offered then I would have been Shock but as you did...

needanewname · 06/09/2011 22:02

Well I can see why you're a bit peeved, next time you need to be clearer on expectations before you go.

Rowena - not sure if you were joking or not, but what hotel / eating out / taxi have you found for less than 200 Euros for 12 days?!

Takethisone [shoc]

milestogo · 06/09/2011 22:14

This sounds like just the sort of thing my parents would do so in a way I sympathise. But really 200 Euros doesn't sound too bad for a 12 day holiday for four. France isn't cheap. They probably think they're being generous... The question is: did you have a good time?

Lucyinthepie · 06/09/2011 22:17

17 euros a day for all of you, including petrol for the airport. It's not a lot really, and you did offer. I think you are making a lot of assumptions about their finances as well. They may not actually have a lot of disposable income.
Next time take a huge and luxurious hamper and a crate of nice wine maybe? And press money into their hands for airport fuel.

thehairybabysmum · 06/09/2011 22:24

Another one who thinks 200 euros is cheap for 12 days!!

2shoes · 06/09/2011 22:26

what is 200 euro's in £'s please

ColdSancerre · 06/09/2011 22:28

£180 ish I think, it's about ?1.10:£1 at the mo.

Crosshair · 06/09/2011 22:28

Sounds odd to me, But I guess all families are different. What does dp think about it?

2shoes · 06/09/2011 22:29

thanks,
that is a lot to ask someone to contribute.

hocuspontas · 06/09/2011 22:32

How much did you pay when you stayed before? Is the 200 euros comparable?

Teachermumof3 · 06/09/2011 22:33

Right-have just checked! It's about £176, which is £88 per week. That's not that bad really. What did you do over the fortnight and what did you/they pay for?