AIBU to consider letting my 8 year old be at home for an hour or two alone...

[missymarmite]

...every day afterschool.

I cannot continue like this. I cannot make ends meet. Childcare is about the only thing I can think of at the moment to cut. Currently, DS goes to an out of school club every day. We live in a small, rural town. Practically all the kids in the neighbourhood go to the same school. In the morning, I leave him with a neighbour whose daughter is in the same class. Both have been walking to school alone every morning for a few months now, as the school is only a 10 minute walk down quiet residential streets. I don't feel I can ask any more of the parents, but they would be willing to be an emergency safe point for DS. Most of the kids in the street play out every afternoon anyway.

WIBU to give DS a copy of the key to the house, to be able to get in to drop his bag in, until I get home from work, usually around 4-5pm-ish?

I don't think it depends on the child. Under secondary school age is too young. Even if the child is sensible and reliable, it is a lot of worry to put on their shoulders and they should have the security and peace of mind of being looked after by an adult. I appreciate that it is really hard for people to afford childcare but I believe it is illegal to leave a child of that age unsupervised.

Make sure you are claiming any money that you are entitled to. It sounds like you are having a really hard time and if you are a single parent you may qualify for something extra that you aren't getting at the moment. If you are on a low income you should be able to get help with childcare, although I know that doesn't cover it all. An out of school club would be ofsted registered so if you are entitled to childcare costs, that would be covered.

Are there any in-school clubs that he could be attending a couple of days a week. Lots of those activities go on till 4ish. Obviously don't force into an activitiy he doesn't enjoy, but lots of schools have a decent range of sports etc on offer for an hour after school. Usually for free.

YABU I wouldn't do that to my 9 year olds. I personally feel 12/13/14 a better age for letting themselves in or any length of time. Lots of people seem to do it at 11 round my way but I am not sure it is a good idea. You need to be 100% sure.

Sorry am guilty of not reading all pages, I see you are already claiming whatever you can.
It is disgraceful that working as a TA, which is not an easy job, is not enough to cover your basic needs. I think you should perhaps seek some advice from the CAB or something similar as they will be experts and able to advise you better. This is the sort of situation that makes me realise why some people decide they are better off staying out of work and on benefits. I hope you are able to get somewhere with this and find a solution.

I not sure if someone has already suggested this, but ironing is something that is always in demand (certainly where I live), You can do it at home in the evenings and round here they charge £7-8per hour. The lady who does mine put business cards(the free ones you can get) through all the local letter boxes.

The other option is you could it as a swap with another parent they look after your DS and you do some ironing in return.

Its not a great way to spend the evening, but she does it watching the TV and at least you'll be home.

I was on my own in the way the op describes a lot as a child (1970's so maybe the norm then I don't know).

Looking back I can't believe my parents did it really I think it's far too young. Nothing drastic happened to me it's true. I was quite a sensible kid who wouldn't do anything risky. If nothing else though, my lasting memory is that it was rather lonely

i think you will have to ask neighbours for a favour - having your child after school, perhaps not every day, but alternate with after school clubs.

As everyone else says, its too young. My son is ten and we have just slightly changed our childcare arrangements. Previously his childminder (as she calls herself) would come and take him to school in the morning, then mind him after school. We have now cut this back to after school only as he is now able to get himself up and out to school ( a ten minute bike ride away). In theory he probably would be sensible enough to be left, but I would worry about him being lonely, apart from anything else. Certainly at eight I never left him alone for more than five mins, he just wasn't mature enough.

I was a latch key kid myself from secondary school on, so I think 11-12 minimum is the minimum for this on a regular basis,depending on the maturity and willingness of the child. I can see my kid growing out of needing a childminder at the minute, but he is not quite ready yet. And thank god we don't have childminder registration in Ireland so we are lucky enough to have a flexible and informal arrangement. Good luck getting something sorted, I know it sucks to be so skint.

I'm glad you have decided he's still a bit too young, I don't think it sounds too bad at this time of the year if you put a few safeguards in place - but in a few weeks it will be dark & cold/raining/dismal outside and I wouldn't want an 8 year old coming home alone in that.

I think your best option is to do childcare in the holidays. You have a lot of time to make up that extra money.

Advertise at all the local schools - you don't need to be registered for the over 8's (someone else said 7 - so you might want to check that out). Many parents really really struggle with childcare in the holidays - you will be inundated with people wanting help.

I would just stick with the CM you already have and not 'swap' if you can because at least you know your CM is reliable etc.

our local council and the NHS run a translation service perhaps yours does too? may not be regular work but every little helps, I think its all done by phone as and when non english speakers turn up.

The age is 8 for unregistered care and it is definately in demand, so definately an option.
Ironing is also a good idea.
Ithink it is very true that asking makes you feel bad and somehow inadequate, but yet if anyone ever asks me to have a dc I don't think twice about having them

I think the person who sugested offering ironing servisces was genuis. Its worth a thought, lots of people hate ironing.
Everything else I have thought of has already been said.
OP i feel for you, I have been there. I really hope you find a solution.

Speak to the school about me too funding, my friend is a single parent on benefits and she gets all sorts funded, she got a half price bike the other week for her sons birthday, she gets expensive school trips (£000's) funded, trips to local skatepark and after school activities, not sure if it's area dependent?

OP what an awful situation for you.

I'm really glad that this has been such a positive and helpful thread, and that you seem to have taken on board some of the ideas. You sound very resourceful, and I think you're a fighter; you will get through this!

I agree that it wouldn't be reasonable to leave your DS to come home and stay alone every day for 1 -2 hours. As an occasional one-off, if he's a responsible child and has had the safety rules drilled into him (no cooking or making food, how to use the phone, emergency procedures etc), I don't think there's a problem. But every day? No. Too much room for things to go wrong, really; for him to get bored and do something dangerous, or make himself a snack 'just this once' and cut his finger off... etc. etc.

I leave my 8 year old DD at home sometimes while I go to work for an hour (five mins away), but I wouldn't do it every day, or want to have to do it, iyswim.

One or two people have mentioned that in job centre calculations, they would be better off in work than on benefits. I used to be on benefits, when DS was little. But what these calculations do not take into account is the extra costs of working, ie; travel expenses (before I had my job I didn't need a car), smart clothing (I can't just turn up to work in shabby jeans and a pair of trainers), and as I claim child tax credits DS is not eligible for free school meals, help with paying for extracurricular activities or school trips etc...I have checked.

We aren't eligible for help with fuel bills, as someone has already mentioned, we aren't pensioners and DS is over the age of 5, and we rent from a housing association, we don't own.

I have also done a calculation for housing benefit, no joy there either. I think a time/skills swap sounds like a good idea.

I will sit down this evening and do a SOA on the moneysavingexpert forum and see if there is anything else I can do.

You say you get home 4-5 ish I think on the days you get in at 4 oclock -that would be less than an hour a day would be ok.But no longer at that age.

Have you checked with the council re housing benefit? If your income is as low as you state its unlikely you wont get any help.

Not sure if this will help, but I heard an interview on the radio about OU fees going up. That's the downside. The upside is that it means people training for a qualification level higher than one they already have (ie it doesn't count for a 2nd degree) can apply for the loan to cover the fees. Although this is an extra debt, it will only be repayable once your income is over the threshold. It means that over the remaining 2 years of your course you may not have to pay the fees upfront.

You will need to check the details - I'm not sure of what exactly is covered, or when it starts. But it's something to look into as the situation at OU has definitely / is definitely going to change as in the past students weren't eliglbe for loans to covers their fees. Good luck.

ARE THERE ANY CHILDCARE COURSES RUN NEARBY??what about putting up advert on the local 6th form college or uni boards asking for someone ?? Next door have done this as it looks good for people on childcare courses to have been out there in the workplace a bit and an hour to 1.5 is good for them straight after college. They are quite cheap and probably already have police checks if you're worried about that .

good luck

At the moment I get a full bursary for the OU course fees, and about £250 a year lump sum towards costs such as books and internet. They are changing the funding for low income students in 2012, to a student loan, and the fees are tripling from an average £800 per year to £2500 per year. It normally takes 6 years to obtain a degree. As a continuing student I would still come under the old scheme as long as I don't break in my studies, and graduate as projected in 2013. If I take a break, I will come under the new scheme, and will have to get a loan to cover my last 2 years' study, as well as delaying my graduation.

MissyMarmite Are you me.

I have no advice, just empathy.

I also am a LP, Ex abroad and contributes nothing. Also a TA and also doing OU degree. Also drive an old car on last legs! And live in a HA 2 bed flat.

My DS (7) goes to breakfast and afterschool club. This is at the local surestart centre and covers three schools.

They allow me to pay a reduced fee because he doesn't need to be there from school until 6pm. So the days I finish when school ends and he only goes back to the centre on the bus, so session until 4pm I pay just for that hour. The other 2 days (late finish due to meetings) I pay the full whack until 6pm. Would your ASC be willing to do this?

Also do you get housing help? You should be enitled because they take into consideration the amount of childcare you pay?

My internet gets paid for by the student grant I get - do you get anything from Student loan centre? I put mine in a seperate account and it covers that every month over the year.

I really wouldn't let my DS in a year (will just have turned 8 then) walk himself home without an adult being there to meet him.

x posts.

I am cramming in my courses to finish. I will finish Oct 2013. (projected time is 2015) because they keep changing the fees/ bursery etc.

You sound just like me! I don't know how you manage to fit in more than one course at a time, though!

I can't remember if it's been mentioned before OP but would you be better off financially not working for the next two years and just focussing on your degree?