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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to consider letting my 8 year old be at home for an hour or two alone...

124 replies

missymarmite · 06/09/2011 07:12

...every day afterschool.

I cannot continue like this. I cannot make ends meet. Childcare is about the only thing I can think of at the moment to cut. Currently, DS goes to an out of school club every day. We live in a small, rural town. Practically all the kids in the neighbourhood go to the same school. In the morning, I leave him with a neighbour whose daughter is in the same class. Both have been walking to school alone every morning for a few months now, as the school is only a 10 minute walk down quiet residential streets. I don't feel I can ask any more of the parents, but they would be willing to be an emergency safe point for DS. Most of the kids in the street play out every afternoon anyway.

WIBU to give DS a copy of the key to the house, to be able to get in to drop his bag in, until I get home from work, usually around 4-5pm-ish?

OP posts:
scrambedeggs · 06/09/2011 13:26

the op says the "other kids are out playing anyway"

so he goes out, he gets knocked down, or gets abducted, or whatever. Or he invites half the street in "to play" - a terrible thing happens....

how many screamers would there be saying who in their right mind leaves an 8 year old out unsupervised

scrambedeggs · 06/09/2011 13:27

OP needs the internet for her sanity, DC definitely needs it for his education.

rubbish

schools have internet, libraries have internet. No one NEEDS it, we all WANT it - there is a difference

PeelMeAnOrange · 06/09/2011 13:27

I''d say age 10 minimum and that's only if the child is sensible.

plinkplonk · 06/09/2011 13:32

Sounds really hard, OP. Talking to the head might be a good option.

BagdadCafe · 06/09/2011 13:36

At secondary, DDs' homework is set and handed in online, also MyMaths. There is no computer availability at school, library is shut.

cuteboots · 06/09/2011 13:37

personally I think 8 is to young. Im going through a similar thing at the mo and have gone back to doing the school run. Good luck with sorting it out as its not easy

Birdsgottafly · 06/09/2011 13:41

OP why not advertise in a local shop and see what response you get.

My nan used to have about 6 kids sitting in hers for up to a hour and half, as a favour to neighbours, as the DC's got older they kept an eye on her, and come Halloween etc, we knew that she would have no trouble, because she had been 'granny' to most of the teenagers at one time.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 06/09/2011 14:44

Talk to school, if there's an afterschool club and you have low income, are single, claim any form of benefit then school might have a fund to be able to help you out with the cost of the club.

missymarmite · 06/09/2011 21:52

OK, Just to answer a few of your questions (sorry, long). I am sorry I couldn't reply earlier. Yes, I am a lone parent. I have one DS. His father contributes £0, lives abroad, out of reach and out of mind.

I don't earn much. I claim the maximum allowance of tax credits, including the childcare element, which since the reduction in the percentage to 70% means I still have to pay around £50 a month out of my income. DS goes to an afterschool club, which is the cheapest childcare on offer in my area.

I work as a TA in a school, the maximum hours one can work as a TA; 30 p/w during term time. There is no flexibility in this, except cutting hours which won't help as then I will earn less. The good thing is I work only term-time, so I do not need to worry about childcare then.

I have looked into getting another job, but there are no jobs around for my skills and qualifications which would pay the same or more than what I get. Most pay significantly less for more hours and having to work the holidays, thus more childcare costs.

I tried doing AVON for a couple of years, but found that my patch was on a council estate where people struggle with money, and for most of the year I was working at a loss, and this became worse when they started charging extra for orders under £10. You have to place an order at least every 2 campaigns (6 weeks) or you will have to pay the registration fee again (£15).

I live in a rural area, some distance from work. Too far and too dangerous for a bike, and public transport is a joke. Therefore my little 20 year old suzuki swift is the only way I can realistically get to work. It is relatively economic to run, and DF helps me out with some of the running costs (MOT/maintainance), while I take care of the rest (tax, insurance, petrol). I car share with a colleague, but this isn't always reliable.

The local comprehensive is now an Academy and the principal doesn't support SEN. He recently got rid of 14 TAs, and would get rid of the rest if he could legally. He is only interested in chasing the highest results and getting outstanding at ofsted, and many SEN kids there are neglected and relegated to vocational qualifications so as not to effect the results. There are no jobs there. The Primary school, where my son goes, doesn't take full-time TAs. All other primaries would involve a drive and are smaller so no full-time TAs either.

As XH has no involvement, I cannot work evenings or weekends, so cannot take on extra work, say in a pub.

I don't have anything to sell on Ebay. All my clothes are worn until they are scruffy, all my electronic equipment is second hand and in use. Most stuff gets used to death!

Can't cut mobile or internet as on contract, and don't have landline telephone. Need internet to finish degree with OU, as now all course materials, resources, even the tutorials and end of course exam is live on internet. Library is not an option with DS and work. Plus, this is not a significant amount to help the problem, which is much bigger.

I live in a small 2 bed HA flat. I can't get anywhere cheaper and cannot sublet DS's room.

I have some debts, which in the grand scheme of things probably isn't much. However, it is still something I have to pay monthly and it is a struggle. I consolidated my credit cards and old overdraft into a bank loan, then cut up credit cards, now I am paying it off on the longest time scale possible. Yet month on month, I find myself slipping further and further into my overdraft again just to pay for every day living.

I am frightened that this winter we will have to choose between heating and eating. My income has stayed the same for the last 2 years, yet my rent (HA) has gone up 10%, food at least 30%, fuel probably the same in that time scale.

I am frightened that if this continues, some time in the not so far future, I will be unable to pay my rent. We have been homeless in the past and I don't want to go back there.

This is not a choice between a nice little holiday in tenerife, or a new car, or childcare. This is a choice between a roof over our heads and childcare.

OP posts:
halcyondays · 06/09/2011 22:07

8 is a bit young to be at home alone every day for 1-2 hours. Probably ok in an emergency or a one off but not as a regular thing. Would you be able to look after someone else's children for some of the summer holidays or other school holidays in return for them looking after your ds after school?

Have you tried posting on MSE for advice on how to make ends meet? You might get some ideas on how to cut your food budget or utility bills.

missymarmite · 06/09/2011 22:17

"scrambedeggs Tue 06-Sep-11 10:10:56

how about cut your mobile phone, your internet, your telly packages, your house insurance

anything but the safety of your child for heavens sake

or are all those things more important"

I don't have home or contents insurance, I watch freeview TV, and as for internet and mobile, those have been covered in my above post. I tried PAYG dongle internet for a year but found that more costly than broadband package with orange mobile. I have a very low "loyalty" tariff as I threatened to leave last time my contract was up for renewal.

Or do you suggest I should be totally incomunicado? No phone, nothing. All on my own every evening with no telly, no internet, no company? Of course! And all those things might help, but they would not solve the problem as these costs are minimal and cutting them would not be enough on their own.

OP posts:
missymarmite · 06/09/2011 22:18

Not to mention that getting out of an 18 month contract would incur more charges than savings!

OP posts:
missymarmite · 06/09/2011 22:20

I also use price comparison sites for utility bills, car insurance etc... I always go for the cheapest. My car is only covered third party fire and theft...

OP posts:
missymarmite · 06/09/2011 22:21

Halycondays, that could be an option, but as I don't know many parents other than my neighbours that could be hard to find out.

OP posts:
BagdadCafe · 06/09/2011 22:22

While I was working as a TA, I supplemented with childminding and SEN tutoring, especially holidays, which is what many of the others were doing too. Any mileage in this?

TheFrogs · 06/09/2011 22:24

I wouldn't leave an 8 year old home alone no.

If your gas and electricity are on meters can you change it to something like monthly billing? I was told meters are much more expensive. Can you change the supplier?

With regard to your mobile phone and internet. I called my internet/landline provider and asked for a loyalty discount. I did the same with my mobile, it took a while but after I pointed out i'd been with them for over ten years they agreed to reduce my charges for six months (better than nothing!). It's worth asking, the worst they can say is no.

Try CCCS for debt advice, they have really helped me out.

Hope things improve for you soon!

MmeLindor. · 06/09/2011 22:26

Could you go to the CAB and check to ensure that you are getting every help that you are entitled to?

TheFrogs · 06/09/2011 22:26

Ah, cross posted, I see you've already done most of what I suggested. Have you tried CCCS?

missymarmite · 06/09/2011 22:28

SEN tutoring. Nice idea. I am also fluent in Spanish and not bad at French either, at least for GCSE level. I'd like to tutor, but it's the same problem; childcare. (not to mention the risk of getting caught out by the inland revenue for undeclared income, as if I do declare it I will forfeit tax credits, and be in the same situation!) Angry

I am not and ofsted registered childminder, so I don't know what mileage there would be in this.

OP posts:
DougalDaydream · 06/09/2011 22:30

Childminding in the holidays sounds like a good option. There is always demand for good quality holiday childcare. OP - I hope things get better for you.

MmeLindor. · 06/09/2011 22:30

Could you tutor at home, when your DS is in bed? Or busy with homework?

Ilikepinkwine · 06/09/2011 22:31

I agree with offering weekend/holiday childcare as a swap for after-school care. It may also be worth looking into childminding yourself, for weekends, holidays and shift-workers. I'm not sure of the technicalities so apologise if this is wrong, just seems like a good way to earn a bit more/cover your childcare costs.

HildaOgden · 06/09/2011 22:36

Weekend babysitting (bring your son with you),ironing service,pet minding?Place ads in local shops,you may pick something up.I know it's hard,things will ease as your debt clears,but please don't leave an eight year old at home alone every day.You will never forgive yourself if it all goes wrong.

Ask the mother of the little girl he pals around with will she mind him,and offer to make up all the hours when you are off during school holidays.

MCos · 06/09/2011 22:36

Sorry - I also agree 8 is too young. My DCs are 7 & 9, and I only leave them alone for max 30 mins. Both are pretty sensible (on their own).
It does sound a very tough situation for you.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 06/09/2011 22:37

If you work as a TA, then IMO, doing this could seriously reflect on your judgment. It would be very frowned upon, whatever we might think about the ability of an individual child to look after him/herself. People who work with children have to be very very careful