AIBU to consider letting my 8 year old be at home for an hour or two alone...

[missymarmite]

...every day afterschool.

I cannot continue like this. I cannot make ends meet. Childcare is about the only thing I can think of at the moment to cut. Currently, DS goes to an out of school club every day. We live in a small, rural town. Practically all the kids in the neighbourhood go to the same school. In the morning, I leave him with a neighbour whose daughter is in the same class. Both have been walking to school alone every morning for a few months now, as the school is only a 10 minute walk down quiet residential streets. I don't feel I can ask any more of the parents, but they would be willing to be an emergency safe point for DS. Most of the kids in the street play out every afternoon anyway.

WIBU to give DS a copy of the key to the house, to be able to get in to drop his bag in, until I get home from work, usually around 4-5pm-ish?

Nope, 8 is much too young. I cut myself with a knife while making a snack when I was home alone at 10 yrs old. I had to go running to my neighbour's house and be taken to the hospital. I just didn't have enough sense to not do something stupid unfortunately.

Aw bless you, you do sound worried, and that's understandable.. but I don't think this is the answer, and I think you know that or you wouldn't be asking the question, you'd just do it.

How much is the after school club? Maybe you can try and cut back in other areas which would save a similar amount? Food bills, tv/internet, mobile phone? Can you switch to any cheaper tariffs/use freeview if you're not already?

Check you're receiving all the relevant tax credits, are you a single parent? Do you get the correct maintainance?

8 is too young imo...even for the most sensible child.

The fact you're thinking of allowing him to play out during that time, is probably even worse. If anything, he'd probably be safer indoors.

talking2myself, Have you never cut yourself as an adult? Your 10 yo self was completely sensible and did what was needed to deal with the situation. Accidents will happen whether they're alone or not, it's the reaction that matters, you 8 is still to young IMO

I would speak to the HT

If s/he knows how despearate you are they may offer you a free after school place or a reduced rate place.

When I have had problems with childcare in the past I have found schools quite flexiable if your honest and open with them

you ???

how about cut your mobile phone, your internet, your telly packages, your house insurance

anything but the safety of your child for heavens sake

or are all those things more important

8 is sooooo little.
You would never forgive yourself if something happend! I don't like leaving my soon to be 13 year old. I came home to find him cooking pasta, he had dropped a pan of boiling water all over the floor. He was fine, but what if????

I agree that he would be safer indoors, it is also less complicated, losing the key etc.

You say that it would be 1-2 hours, 2 hours is pushing it. If it was upto an hour then you could make it work, by leaving snacks, as long as he is a sensible child and is worried at the thought of being left in on his own.

You do need a benefit check and to go through what you are spending, if you slice money off every other bill, you may find that you can stretch to another six months of child care.

How would you cope if he had an accident and you had to take time off work to look after him?

Rainbow Interesting about you reporting a mother for not organising childcare rather than helping her find a solution from your position of authority.

At our primary, the unspoken policy was we had street kids walking home alone from Year 3, and would 'keep an eye' on the situation as to whether we thought they were at risk before involving social services. Yes, I do find that shocking.

Yes, I do think even 11 is too young without an adult but have overwhelming sympathy for the OP - maybe a bit more compassion, as Cocoflower suggests.

The law says not to be home alone till the child is 12.

A friend asked social services about it - interestingly there is no law regarding when it's ok to let your child outside of the house alone... not suggesting you tell your child to roam the streets every day though!

can you get help with childcare from tax credits etc?

Sorry, but he's too young to do this every day.

My 12 year old spends a couple of hours home alone after school once or twice a week and that still makes me a bit twitchy. At 8 I would only ever have popped to the local shop for 10 mins.

I think 8 years is too long to be left alone for an hour. I do leave my older two ( 8 and 9) alone for 20 minutes now and again, but not for an hour.
Having said that, when my mother worked and we were home alone after school from the age of 5. We used to get up to all sorts but no one thought twice about it!
Things have really changed in the last 30 odd years.

MotherPanda Tue 06-Sep-11 10:21:08
"The law says not to be home alone till the child is 12."

No, it doesn't, there is no such law. And if you think about it, it wouldn't work as there is virtually no childcared available for secondary school children, many of whom are under 12.

No doubt a very sensible and compliant 8yo with firm rules in place (no pasta making or knives!) could be kept reasonably safe. But even so, I think an 8yo needs an adult, or older sibling, to talk to after school, if nothing else. They are still little at this age and need a bit of immediate support if they've had a rough day at school.

I am happy to leave my 11yo, but that is a very different stage of development. He is old enough to relish his independence, and being without childcare doesn't set him apart from other children his age or make him feel less cared for than they.

Even if you don't get reported, it's not a good feeling for a child to feel they can't have the same level of care as their mates.

In the OP's case I would be having another look into benefits/savings/after school club/having a word with the school.

I'm sorry, but I agree, 8 is too young. I worried about leaving my 11yr old alone for 2 hrs last week when i took his brother to the GP. I still phoned him every 1/2hr or so to check on him.
I have a simular problem, as there is no after school club here, and no childminders in the village (even if I could afford them) so my DC go to 3 different neighbours houses after school, so as not to impose on any one too much, I do give the neighbours a little snack money,not that they ask for it, but I also help them out with odd jobs at weekends/holidays etc in re-payment, it then costs me not much more than my time in exchange for knowing my DC are safe. Perhaps this idea could help you?

Avon is hardly time consuming, why dont you just do it between school hours? If you need to go back out later for the odd collection take him with you?

Or you would actually be better off getting a paid job and then you could afford the after school club if the hours fall ouside the normal 9-3. You may even get then tax credits help with childcare.

'I also help them out with odd jobs at weekends/holidays etc in re-payment' bubby, you are so resourceful, it's not just about cash, is it? At 8, he could be very happy with a 'granny' figure - mutually beneficial companionship, grasscutting or garden tidying by OP + DS, shopping trip, whatever they need.

It's not letting him be alone every day - it would be making him be alone. Don't kid yourself!

8 is too young for this

Its the only thing you can think of to cut and will impact on the safety of your child yet you seem to have an internet connection?

Bubby
that is a good idea. Maybe there is an older woman in the neighbourhood who would exchange childcare for help with shopping or the housework?

Bimbo/Scrambledeggs
Have a heart, will you? She was asking on MN, and she probably knows that he is too young, but she wrote I cannot continue like this. I cannot make ends meet.

OP needs the internet for her sanity, DC definitely needs it for his education.

Bimbo, maybe she is using internet at work, or at a library. Just beacuse she is using the internet, doesn't mean she is actually paying for it.

Depends on the 8 year old. I would leave them alone if they were capable of making a snack and I could trust them to be sensible.