AIBU to consider letting my 8 year old be at home for an hour or two alone...

[missymarmite]

...every day afterschool.

I cannot continue like this. I cannot make ends meet. Childcare is about the only thing I can think of at the moment to cut. Currently, DS goes to an out of school club every day. We live in a small, rural town. Practically all the kids in the neighbourhood go to the same school. In the morning, I leave him with a neighbour whose daughter is in the same class. Both have been walking to school alone every morning for a few months now, as the school is only a 10 minute walk down quiet residential streets. I don't feel I can ask any more of the parents, but they would be willing to be an emergency safe point for DS. Most of the kids in the street play out every afternoon anyway.

WIBU to give DS a copy of the key to the house, to be able to get in to drop his bag in, until I get home from work, usually around 4-5pm-ish?

We used a Spanish tutor for GCSE last year and my daughter went to her house

I think that might well be a way to go ... at £30 an hour with 2 or 3 students ... even if you paid the tax this would be be enough to cover the child care ... or would all the income be taken off your tax credits?

I echo the suggestion of those that say talk to your son's head ... and perhaps a neighbour for a coupe of days a week ... I always managed to find people to take mine to and from school ... mainly because (as a teacher) I could exchange a few days care during the holidays

How would you feel about speaking to your ds's school? Would they be able to wave or at least reduce the cost of the after school club? I know that it can be difficult to share personal information, but do they have any kind of hardship fund?

Again, especially considering the demographic of my area, most shift workers will be earning very little, therefore I would have to be ofted registered and trained (more costs) so that they could claim back tax credits. Very few young people here have good jobs. The only wealthy people (ie those who aren't eligible for tax credits) are elderly pensioners and one or two local notables who own businesses in town.

I will look into finding someone I can swap childcare with, and possibly tutoring, though it makes me nervous of getting caught out, I think it is my only option.

And yes, if things don't improve I will have to cut my internet, which will mean I will have to give up any chance of obtaining a degree. Which is a shame, as I only have 2 years of 6 left, and if I break off my studying for a year or more I will lose any finantial help I have been getting to pay for course fees and internet costs.

If the government continues with their plans of cutting back on financial assistance to the lowest paid, and the cost of living keeps on rising the way it is, then we will see a return of many kids having to fend for themselves, for right or for wrong. People won't have a choice if things don't improve in a few months. Judge all you like. It is very easy from your nice little semi with your nice middle income. Come live on the bottom of the pile for years and years, with no respite in sight.

www.ncma.org.uk/childminders/become_a_childminder/types_of_childminding/over-7s_childminders.aspx
Over 7s childminders are not required to register, if this is of interest. I confess to preferring an informal arrangement.

With a few exceptions, I don't think that most of us are judging Missy, but I can understand how it feels like that.

Sorry, that was only aimed at those few who do judge.

Can't think of much that hasn't already been suggested, but would an IVA be an option to reduce your debt repayments?

Hope you manage to sort something out.

Sorry things are so tough for you right now. Have done some of the following when things tight.....others thought might be worth a try:
Sewing...especially curtains as can be so expensive to have made up..
Cleaning.. before I had children, however might be able to do domestic stuff where it is OK to have your child with you...in the village I live in people pay very good money for reliable cleaners.
Bar work - try for a shift share with another mum in similar position
Baby sitting...given your job and experience might be some mileage in this..could you offer weekend days cover and target professions with irregular hours?
You sound incredibly resourceful so am sure you have done CAB to ensure that your getting all benefits entitled to and have renegotiated any debt repayments but if you haven't done this for a while and things getting more difficult might be worth gong back again to reassess.
Do you know many other parents locally. I have been amazed at the generosity of some of parents around me with regards helping out with childcare when really stuck, I hope that others would ask me if they needed a hand over a difficult time.
Hope things improve and good luck with the OU course. A fab way to study.

I'm going back a bit, but at 8 I had my own door key, walked home from school and my mum didn't get home until about an hour later. I didn't mind in fact I felt quite "grown up". I knew my neighbours well - in case of an emergency - it's sad that things seem to have changed so much.

My son ceased his child care arrangements when he felt he wanted to go home from school rather than to the child minders he was 10. That is when he had his own key.

YABU imo. Sorry I know times are hard but he needs care after school and 8 is not old enough to deal with an emergency. Also he would probably lose the key at some point and be unable to get in!
CSA? I definately think speaking to CAB might help. How much do you spend on food and what things do you eat? i.e. cooking from scratch or ready meal....this can make a huge difference in the food bills. Use all own brand tinned veg etc, toilet roll, etc. For example for us 1 bag of potatoes, carrots, onions, 1 whole chicken and some stewing beef, bacon, eggs, beans and some frozen veg can get 4 meals for a family of 4! Hot pot, chicken dinner, chicken curry/stew, bacon, egg dinner and costs little more if you make pasta carbonara / boulognaise and use tinned tomato/onion etc. This equates to about 25 pounds per week for two of you. Jacket potatoes, corned beef hash, bubble and squeak are all inexpensive.
people are right when they say there is no legal age to leave a child and this is because obviously a child with SEN may be incapable even at 18. The issue would come if there was an incident/accident because then you could end up on a protection plan due to neglect which is clearly not what you need as a TA. By incident obviously I mean misbehaving. Have you got the energy saving light bulbs? turn everything off at the switch when not being used, water heated as required. I think you need to talk to school to see if they could subsidise childcare. Can you get an OU Bursary? I think there should be a hardship fund to help you finish your studies. If the education course you are doing is helping you back to employment you may get some education grant.

Thankyou to those of you who posted very sound advice. I feel a lot calmer now.

When I first posted early this morning, I had spent most of the night tossing and turning, worrying, no panicking about our situation. At the time it was the only idea I had. I now have one or two ideas of things I can do which, I hope, will help, and not mean I leave DS home alone on a daily basis, at least for the time being. Hopefully, for us anyway, it will cover his time at primary school.

However, I stand by my last post. Especially considering that the costs of fuel, whether it be petrol, gas or electricity, are predicted to keep on rising far, far faster than the average income, the situation for those below the average is bound to become increasingly desperate. My DS and I might scrape through, but those who are a couple of years younger...?

Missy it is an awful situation and I truely feel for you. Even as a 2 parent working household (until recently it was just DH) I know how much we have been squeezed with fuel costs as my drive to work is 50 minutes each way. Childcare until now was not covered by my wages because I needed a nanny to complete my studies and it has taken months to find another job, plus a tax bill came in. Hopefully you can cut back a little in lots of other areas and prospects will hopefully improve with your degree x

How about asking the parent that take him in a morning if they would be willing ot help you out with an hour a night in exchaange for you having theirt kids in holidays/evenings or anything else they may be interested in...doing some ironing..

I feel for you, how rubbish to be in such a position. You know your son, would you feel comfortable knowing he was walking home every evening and then staying on his own? I would only just in the past few months leave my eleven year old for an hour or so. Hope you manage oto work things out.

I don't think I can add anything extra but just to say I really do feel for you and hope you can sort this out.

Swapping childcare is specifically exempt from regulation, so if you could exchange afterschool care for holiday care with another parent in your DS's class then you'd have solved that headache, though you'd still have underlying financial problems of course.

could you take on some translation work? online stuff.

Ah, the loop hole with childcare is that it isn't illegal unless money or goods change hands in return. If it is a free like for like swap it is above board and no need to register.

Would it be worth posting in your local area?(here on MN)

Exchange type deal ,maybe Spanish lessons for childcare?

Maybe there are some trustworthy teens who need extra tuition ,they could maybe watch your son till you get home?

I feel sorry for you ,good Luck ...you will get there in the end :)

I'd swap spanish lessons for dd1 for childcare. Are you in Bedfordshire by any chance?

being more practical, have you had a look on the debt forums on money saving expert? it sounds as though there's very little you can do about your spending, but what are the debt repayments like?

I am currently unemployed. Back to work calculations at Jobcentre revealed I'd actually be better off if I were paying for childcare than if not. I believe this is due to disregards attracted by childcare tax credit element so cutting chilcare costs may not be a viable option anyway. You say you work term-time only? Are your wftc calculated accurately to reflect this?

I say 8s too young to leave your lo on his own. It may even put your job in jeopardy if your employer found out you were doing this.

I ditto people here that you need to check your entitlements. As I say I am currently unemployed but just about manage (also lone parent of an 8 year old boy) HA and council housing here are like hens teeth so I have to privately rent and have to pay towards my rent every week too. If I were working it works out I'd be £60 better off a week so I'd be laughing - if I could just get a blasted job!!!

Do you live in social housing? If not, is this an option?

If you are on a low income you can apply for help during the winter with heating, cold weather payments, winter fuel payments and energy grants;

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Pensionsandretirementplanning/HomeAndCommunity/StayingInYourHome/DG_10026850

Good luck with everything

OP's renting from HA. None of those benefits apply unless pension age, child under 5 or disabled or a home-owner.

My aunt was experiencing financial hardship last year and spoke to her housing association and they reduced her rent for her, could you maybe speak to your HA and see if they could make any allowances?