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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect DP to come to bed at the same time as me when he's feeling amorous...

35 replies

VelvetSnow · 05/09/2011 11:55

DP & I were flirting all day. You know what I mean, cheeky winks, flirty comments, double entendres, just a bit of fun really....

We are quite a flirty couple but we pretty much average twice a week when it comes to having sex.

Anyway, I went to bed last night around 10pm, he wanted to watch something on TV so stayed up later which did not bother me at all.

So, I'm fast asleep and all of a sudden I wake to feel him touching me and nuzzling my neck etc etc...

I'm like, "darling, I'm not at that place, I'm sleeping" He's like "aww come on, I've wanted you all day" .....

After about 3 'goes' he gets the message that it's not happening but I sense that he's a little huffy - I'm not that arsed because I'm still half asleep and intend to be fast asleep pretty soon :)

He gets up, puts on his dressing gown and says "I'm going downstairs for an hour" and huffs out of the bedroom. I didn't get much of a chance to talk to him this morning before I left for work - he was seeing to dd and I was getting ready but I still sense a little moodieness in the air. So now I feel guilty (don't worry it will pass, but it's annoyed me)

If he'd been wanting me all day then why the heck did he not come to bed with me? Why does he have to come up 2 hours later, interrupt my sleep then huff out of the bedroom because he didn't get his own way??

AIBU to expect DP to come to bed with me when he's 'in the mood' ?

OP posts:
MangoMonster · 05/09/2011 11:57

Yore not being unreasonable. Men are funny though aren't they.

AnyFucker · 05/09/2011 12:01

YANBU

and some men are ignorant, sometimes, not "funny"

WoTmania · 05/09/2011 12:04

YANBU - Dh went through a phase of playing a certain online-roleplaying game cos he's a geek and doing exactly this. We had words. He now comes to bed at the same time as me again.

Honeydragon · 05/09/2011 12:04

What Anyfucker said. Dh is more than happy to be awoken for sex. I am not, therefore he no longer does it.

Sulking is not a turn on, so he could have been pleasanter.

cleanteeth · 05/09/2011 12:06

He really should have gone to bed at the same as you if he was feeling fruity. Bit unfair to think he'll still be able to get his end away when your fast asleep

SinicalSal · 05/09/2011 12:06

urgh no, don't wake me for ANYTHING never mind sex. YANBU.

Insomnia11 · 05/09/2011 12:07

I told DH when he was DP that waking me up for sex when I'd not been asleep long was not a good idea. Also that I need my sleep so any bedtime fun should be ideally no later than 10.30pm. He could always go back downstairs again to watch TV after, or record the programme to watch another time. Quite reasonable to need your sleep, also that you might be turned on at 10pm but not at midnight when you've been asleep for two hours!

Likewise, I'm a morning person and often wake early but he wouldn't appreciate being woken for sex before the alarm.

Original poster
VelvetSnow · 05/09/2011 12:12

I don't mind being awoken and would welcome it, but I know there is always a chance of being refused - parr for the course IMO.

Last night was just one of those nights.

DP tha stallion has probably thought "how could she refuse" :)

OP posts:
AnotherMumOnHere · 05/09/2011 12:12

Men funny? Aye right - NOT. Totally insensitive in this situ.

YANBU to think he should go to bed with you if he had been 'wanting' you all day. TWAT.

When I was married I liked my fair share (usually every day) but absolutely never would if I was being woken up for it.

MangoMonster · 05/09/2011 12:19

When I said "funny" I mean you can't take this silly stuff too seriously when they act unreasonabley or ridiculously. He's just being childish cos he was probably looming forward to it, mis timed it and feels like a fool, so he's sulking. Some people have bigger things to worry about.

Original poster
VelvetSnow · 05/09/2011 12:25

I have got bigger stuff to worry about, but if I posted it all on here then I'd have you all in floods of tears :)

I understood what you meant when you said "funny". He is a funny bugger at times.

Of course he was looking forward to it - I'm shit hot didn't you know Grin

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/09/2011 12:25

Oh, I dunno, MM

I find a grown man that sulks to be a quite a big thing. I certainly wouldn't tolerate it.

AnyFucker · 05/09/2011 12:26

Anyway, OP is ok with it, it's her relationship, so all is well innit

MangoMonster · 05/09/2011 12:28

Velvet snow, I didn't mean you. I likes your post which is why I replied. I was just saying there's no need for some of the other harsh responses. Men have done worse.

MangoMonster · 05/09/2011 12:31

Sulking is very very irritating but unfortunately I don't know many male friends/relatives or exs that don't do it. So I guess I've resorted to finding it slightly amusing in some circumstances unless it's over something serious. Sorry new to mn and not sure I always express myself clearly.

AnyFucker · 05/09/2011 12:33

It doesn't matter, MM

sulking in a man is laughable, you are right

I find it a little strange that most of the men in your life have demonstrated it though...it's a pretty juvenile thing to do and I would say the minority of men I have known have employed it as a tactic

or perhaps I just haven't given them the chance to try it a second time, who knows ?

Honeydragon · 05/09/2011 12:35

I had a sulk yesterday because I didn't want my boobs fondled whilst trying to phone Bt and make the dcs lunch Hmm although the sulk may have been something to do with me sending him to his shed to do "the bloody work you've been banging on about all day instead of quite literally getting on my damn tits when I really am BUSY!"
Grin

MangoMonster · 05/09/2011 12:38

Well I guess we'll never know Wink

Honeydragon · 05/09/2011 12:38

Af sulkers need sheds you can can then ignore them Wink

It also has a padlock
On the Outside. Grin

Original poster
VelvetSnow · 05/09/2011 12:41

ah, but there is sulking to show that you're (justifiably) pissed off and sulking to get what you want. The latter irritates me, which is why I'm mildly pissed off with DP and his sulking antics last night.

Although if DP was a regular sulker then I'd seriously be looking at our relationship - on this occasion he acted like a child not getting his own way, it's not something he does regularly.

Honeydragon - fondling tits whilst making a phonecall is classed as flirting in our house Grin

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/09/2011 12:43

yeah, throw all sulkers in the shed ! Grin

or kill them

that would work

Hullygully · 05/09/2011 12:46

Oi, that's my line, AF

Although I don't think you should in this case, op.

Original poster
VelvetSnow · 05/09/2011 12:48

dammit Hully - too late Grin

OP posts:
Honeydragon · 05/09/2011 12:57

Honeydragon - fondling tits whilst making a phonecall is classed as flirting in our house

It normally is in our house. But when I'm on the phone to bastard BT with a breadknife in my hand and two hungry children demanding food it's classed as suicide. I felt that after nearly 10 years of marriage dh should know this.

AF....it's a big shed, plenty of room for more.

Honeydragon · 05/09/2011 12:59

In the interests of gender fairness a good friend of mine is a sulker, so her dh built her a summer house so she could do so away from the rest of the family Envy